For Kate.....

I took a pic of myself today to show some friends my new glasses. I decided to post this for Kate, who made a comment that I seemed very girly in her opinion, when I wrote this .

So, I decided to show people what I look like probably 90% of the time, when I'm at home, with just general errands to run. I really don't care about my looks, and am often time THAT mom at pick up. No make up, hair thrown back in a bun, mismatched clothes, and if you're lucky I might be wearing a bra that day, but usually.... I'm not. I'm all about comfort. I can see how easily one can get caught up in the whole not caring about how they look aspect, but I've always kind of been that way, even when I worked. I might get up and do my hair and make up, but usually not.

This is how I feel comfortable. A ratty tshirt, some sweat shorts or pants, and some type of easily slip on shoe. When I get home from somewhere where I do have to dress up, the first thing I do is change my clothes. TAke off the jeans, throw the hair up in a bun, and take my contacts out.

So, this is me.

T

It's that time of month again. The time of the month a woman can sit here at 10 am and eat double stuffed peanut butter oreos, and not give a shit. When a woman can say shit like "Your hugs feel selfish" and who cares if her husband doesn't understand what she means, SHE knows what she means, and stop hugging her with your selfish hugs. The hugs that scream "When are we going to do it?"

September has been kind of a weird month for me. I'm feeling better, but the amount of "me" time I have needed has been insatiable. Once the kids are in bed, I spend hours, either on the computer, or playing Nintendo. No longer am I spending time with my husband like I should.

Last night I was trying to think of WHAT could cause me to feel this way, and the only thing I could put my finger on that is now different is babysitting. Taking care of two extra kids, especially for a woman who doesn't really LIKE kids, is just to much for me to take. Then I feel like a weakling because it's only for two and a half hours a day, so why can't I handle it like I feel I should be able to?

Today I was bored, so I picked up a book Aislinn had brought home from school on Mythology. I got to reading teh section on how other cultures thought the world was started. The thing that surprised me is that these examples are considered "myth" yet people thinking God started the world the way he did as true.

This has left me conflicted today. Of course, people will argue blind faith, but how can one magical way be considered myth, and another magical way be considered true? Becuase all of it was pretty much the same. God made the earth in seven days with just basically the wave of his hand, the other ways are equally as mystical.

What makes one way right, but the others "wrong"

It's been going through my head all damn day.

Don't ever, ever, ever do a garage sale. Ever. Did I mention... NEVER EVER!!

Holy Christ on a crutch what a pain.

Oddly enough, we all came away from the experience having learned a valuable lesson.

My mom and sister learned, just because it's on sale...doesn't mean you HAVE to buy it. I learned that it's easier to give it all away, than try and be greedy and sell it. The best part of the day was dropping off about 80% of our stuff at Goodwill. It was easy, painless, and freeing to give that stuff away and know that someone will buy it becuase they NEED it. Garage salers... they don't NEED any of the stuff they bought. People go to Goodwill usually to find something they want or need, garage salers are people who are just looking for a deal. The main stuff that was bought were stuff that was still in packages. A few grandmas came by and snapped up a few things at the end for their grandkids but that was about it. I will never do a garage sale again for teh simple fact you get one or two people who are so stingy they want everything for a dollar. One lady walked away with a stereo, digital camera, a baby Phat purse (still with tags on it showing the original price of $59) and a few other things for.... TWENTY TWO DOLLARS. Not let me tell you.. the stereo itse;f was $20. Her tactic? To not leave until she wore us down so much we wanted her to leave. She was a very large woman. Kept referencing God. (another hash mark for me to see Christianity as a character flaw) kept asking for a blessing, just kept on and on, until I had to walk away becuase I was going to tell her to just effing leave already. Saying that the stereo was far from top of the line. It was an RCA, five disc stereo. The digital camera was a sony Cybershot (granted only 4.1 mp) This woman knew what she was doing. Becuase in teh end, just to get her leave, she got what she wanted.

I had to bring the kids with me. When I sit and review the day, they were pretty GOOD considereing that they both had to get up before the sun was out, and spent pretty much all day outside being told not to touch this, not to do that, not to run there, not to bug them, etc. Near the end, when patience was running thin, I started to lose it a little with them.

One cool moment? My sister... she took my bassinet. She CLAIMS it's for the dog, but I think, I THINK, she's going to consider a baby soon. The dog has enough beds in that house, he doesn't need a bassinet. I got a little thrill in my heart. I'll be an aunt some day. Granted an aunt that lives 900 miles away, but an aunt no less!!

Oh I forgot to mention the grand total of my first ever forary into garage saling. Ready for this?!?

26 dollars.

I have nine of it left.

Totally NOT worth getting up at 4:50, the mess that my house is in right now, and the aggravation of seeing your stuff NOT sell.

Do you ever sit back and wonder... what the hell did I have kids for?

Yes, one of THOSE evenings.

My kids are spazzes, and they're lucky I take them anywhere.

Sheesh.

Also, you know how, becuase we have the ovaries and all, we'll be going full steam at say oh 10:40 at night. You just realized that your daughter has no socks for the next day, becuase even though you bought a brand new pack before school started, you've been washing one pair everday, becuase Lord knows what the hell she's been doing with them. So, you open the cabinet in the bathroom, and you see this pile of CLOTHES sitting ON TOP of the chute. You try to be understanding as you get on your hands and knees to push them down the tiny hole, becuase at least your husband TRIED to clean up a mess a few days before. So, can you really complain that he didn't take a small handful of clothing at a time and throw them down the hall, like you usually do? I mean it takes a few more minutes, but he's a busy man! But, as you're down there pushing about seventy loads of laundry through this hole, you come across a purse. A PURSE. A motherfucking black wool purse. Last time I checked, purses, they can not be laundered. Up until that point, you know, you've kept that pissiness in check, but this, THIS kind of lets it loose a little. Here you are, at 10:40 at night, pushing shitty underwear down a tiny crack in the floor, only to come across your husbands epitome of laziness. Instead of putting the purse AWAY he threw it in with the dirty clothes, amongst his skid marked undies, and smelly socks. Thanks asshole.

You calm down enough. Your husband.. he's had a HARD day. Poor him. So, you walk into the bedroom, probably with a look of disgust on your face, trying desperately NOT to sniff your hands (or is this just me?!?) and you see your husband, the love of your life, partner for eternity, laying there, in his pj pants... scratching his balls. You walk in and he says "Why does it feel so good to scatch?" I personally, at this point, think it would be awesome to scratch... the eyes right of his dam fool head. But, as a woman, you just make a little aggreeable noise. Then you get "What'swrong with you?"

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!? Well, lets see. I've been dealing with a three year old all day, did shopping, picked kids up from school, had them do homework, only rush out the door to go to dinner with family, come home and have to deal with shit like piles of purses needing to be pushed down a fucking crevice in the floor. I have a headache, but the only thing I can think about is how I haven't fucking LAID YOU in a week, and how the guilt of not doing so is killing me, as you sit there and scratch your ever loving balls, while I search for missing socks.

Nothing wrongs, I was just born with a vagina.

So, hey yeah, what's up people? Life has been a little... well not insane or crazy, but just life I guess, and everyime I think to update this thing, I get sidetracked or decide "Nahhh not now"

Tony's re-enlistment

So, Tony had his re-enlistment last Friday, signing up for six more years of the yo ho ho the sailors life for him. It was very cool. The last time he re-enlisted, we couldn't be there, as it was out in the middle of the sea off the coast of some country. He invited everyone he could that could be there on a Friday afternoon. My mom, my sister, his sister, his parents, some friends.

The best part is that he re-enlisted at our old high school, that is currently holding classes at his old middle school. Tony and I (and my sister after us) went to Cleveland Junior Naval Academy, which technically is a public school, but very choosy on who they accept. Although they had adminstrators and a principal (of course) they also had retired Navy and Marine as teachers, and THOSE were the ones you were scared of. In a typical school, you got in trouble, you went to the principlas office. At our school, you went to the Captains office, who has seen action in Vietnam, and if you were lucky you got out of there without him having a flashback (For real, my sister was there for a flashback).

He asked one of his old teachers to re-enlist him, which apparantly is a big effing deal to be asked. When we got there, HE was being congratulated. He is a TRUE sailor through and through, and one of the scariest muthas in that place.

He got started, and his hands were shaking he was so nervous. He re-enlisted Tony, and near the end I was distracted by one of the kids, I hear my name being called, and he had a certificate for me, which made me weepy. Then the best part? The KIDS got certificates. It was so sweet. He gave a little speech at the end about how, as teachers they don't make a lot (although, I'm sure he wasn't hurting with his Navy pension) and that seeing us there, (we had four graduates of the school there, Tony, myself, my sister, and a friend) doing well, with kids of our own, he said that is what teaching is all about, and that the school DOES work and that seeing us, and re-enlisting an old student was like a 20k bonus check. It was so sweet, and I admit that made me cry even harder. Tony gave a little speech saying if it wasn't for the school, his life in every aspect would have NOT turned out the way it had, and that he thanked the teachers for doing what they do.

Then that was it.

We did walk around and talk to a few of the old teachers before and after, which was nice. I have this thing where I don't think people will remember me. It's why I won't join MySpace, because I am afraid it will CONFIRM that no one really remembers me and honestly, that would be depressing. So I tell everyone MySpace is lame, but really, it's a potential black hole of suck for me. Yet, people DID remember me, and that made my day.

Also I got to finally lay my eyes on that horrible prick of a boss Tony has. This is how much Tony hates him, he wouldn't even introduce me, which is SO unlike Tony. He didn't introduce him to ANYBODY. Tony got a four day weekend for re-enlisting, and the guy in all seriousness after the re-enlistment turns to Tony and says "So, you're going back to the office right?" WHAT?!?! The teacher that re-enlisted Tony said "I just issued him a 96 hour leave pass like five minutes ago, and you want him to go BACK?" and Tony's commanding officer looked at Tony and said "That would be a big NO" Haha bastard!!

So, that was that.

Impromptu trip to Kansas City

Sunday, I decided to drive to Kansas City with my mom to watch one of Bo's soccer games. They just made Division 1 (I think that is what it'scalled, I am SO not a soccer person) and I really wanted to make an effort this time around to SEE some of her games. Boy, what an effort, three and a half hours there to watch a game that was 2 hours, and then drive back home.

I was a little concerned about driving with my MOM of all people, as we don't have a lot in common. She likes all things girly and foo foo, I like... Um video games and my laptop. She is neat and tidy... I am SO not. She always looks put together, and classy... I always look like I need a good hair brushing, and a shower. She likes to work out and be fit..... the buffest part of my body are my fingers from typing and Nintendo DS. We get along great, but I wasn't sure if we could fill 7 hours of car time with talking. I brought my DS just in case. Usually, if we spend any amount of time together alone, someone ends up pissed.

We didn't shut up the entire time. I had so much fun, and the time flew by in the car. It was a great time. We even drove around downtown KC to eat lunch and stuff. We never got snippy with each other, even when we got lost, and I had her turning around all over downtown. I am so glad we went. Bo's team lost though, and she was crabby. Oh we didn't tell her we were coming either, so she was so surprised.

Thank God for modern science. My mom has her hormone patch, and I have my anti depressants, so we were able to sit in a car together and not yell at each other.

So a very long, and very boring update. I've lost my touch.

Girls... they wanna piss each other off

Sing the title of this entry to the tune of Girls just Wanna have Fun.

Ugh. I didn't know that petty shit girls did to each other started so early. Aislinn has always been a power house personality in this house, so imagine my surprise when she gets to school, and she's not like that there. She's a sweet girl, caring of her friends, to the point of allowing them to walk all over her to get them to like her. Trust me, this sends me into a spiral of "What did I do wrong?". I always thought I would have a queen bee, not a wanna be.

We have a brother and sister that come here after school while their mom is at work. She picks them up around six. This gives the kids about 2 1/2 hours of hanging out. This worked well at first, but the more time they spend together, the more the two girls have rows. Both Aislinn and the other little girl are in the same class. Both are older sisters, both have similiar personaly traits, and sometimes, a lot of the times, this causes problems.

I've tried to be fair, and level headed, trying to remember that kids all have their own personalities, and that sometimes they clash. The two boys, Jonny and the brother, sure they fight, but it's usually quickly forgotten. Just like men. Yet the two girls, oh Lord the two girls, well let's just say I am happy with my decision to stop at two kids. Having two girls in this house would be too much.

Probably at first, I rode Aislinn harder, to try and be nice as the bro and sis were "guests" in our homes. Yet as the weeks wore on, that kind of went to way side. Today I had to have a talk about being nice and fair and sweet to each other. It breaks my heart when I see my daughter the subject of an I don't like you attack. To other little girl, these are words you just say when angry, to Aislinn it's like a dagger in the heart that makes her feel real pain.

I'm hoping these girls can get it together. Right now, Aislinn is grounded for hitting the other girl.

I didn't know that this kind of stuff started so early. It's heartbreaking really.

We're just too old. I never thought I would feel old at 30. Maybe it's not the age so much, as the having the two kids, and a messy house that does it?

We went out for a birthday bash for our friend. She wanted to go to this club called VooDoo lounge. It's a nice bar/club that is more bar, less club. They have half naked women dancing on stages, acrobatic acts done by half naked women as well. Not a BAD place, I mean definitly better than some other places I've been to. The thing is though, when you're in your married/lawn mowing/potty training/because I SAID so, THAT'S why years, you don't get to see your friends very often. Maybe once a month at best. So, going to a loud bar with the latest top 40 blaring in the back ground is not where you want to be. All I wanted to do is catch up, all I was ABLE to do was try to keep Tony from keeling over from the sheer clubby-ness of it all.

So, for two hours, we all leaned against the wall, occasionally yelling a sentence or two to each other. I danced a bit, but not much. We drank in silence, watched people in silence, and went home early. We were home again by 12:30, where I promptly took off my going out garb, and putting on my long pj's with the cat on them. Tony immediately went to poop, and play DS. I went outside and checked my boards,and we went to bed with our Nintendos, lulled to relaxation by the cartoony music emitting from each one. We kissed each other goodnight and went to sleep, as he had to go to work, and I had a kids bday party to get to the next day, leaving the partying and the frivolity to the much younger, much more carefree patrons at the VooDoo Lounge who don't have to worry about getting their kid to poop in the potty.

Ok, so I think everyone knows that Tony and I are geeknerds. That's ok I guess. We love video games. Ok? There. That's our little not so secret, secret. I have lingerie with buttons on them for those special nights. "Oh yeah baby, mash the X button... faster! Faster!! Faster!! Mash it like you're trying to do an Indy Flip Fishtail on SSX!! Yeah just like that, ok now feather my trigger while pushing A. YES!! YES!!! SUPER MARIO BROTHERS!! AAAAAHHH!!!!"

As long as I've known Tony, the guy has been a video game freak. Now, he's not like... uber obsessed. I mean, SURE there have been many nights, prekids where he would stay up until four am playing. Yes, once I took a hammer to the Sega because he was on it CONSTANTLY. But, he is also not one of those people that does it to the exclusion of everything else. He doesn't live or die for it, he just likes to play.

So, yesterday was our ten year anniversary (Thanks Jen and Dina for the well wishes!!) and he wanted to get me a Wii. As much as I SAY I want a Wii, something, I don't know WHAT keeps telling me not to do it. I don't know why. Honestly, I think it's because with the Wii, I'd have to go downstairs, and I'm all about sitting outside or in the living room, or hell the toilet if I want and be entertained. I already owned a pink Nintendo DS. I liked it a lot,but why the hell did Nintendo have to come out with a red and black one? It's so...... me! I'm not a pink girl, but I am a girl, and without other options, I chose pink. Mainly so I could snigger and make fun of Tony and make gay Navy jokes when he used it. See?!? A girl that loves pink would NOT buy it for THAT reason!

Anyway, I said No Thanks on the Wii, but if he wanted to, he could get a DS, since he is sick of the jokes. Also, you know, I'm not a good sharer. So, we pack up Jonny, and head to Gamestop. We get there, and there's that red and black DS. Fast forward, we walk out of there with a new black DS for Tony and the red and black one for ME. Nice huh?

It kind of works out though. Aislinn's original old skool DS (and by Old Skool I mean not even two years old) broke. At first, I was really, really irked about it, but come to find out I wasn't so irked about her BREAKING it as much as I was about her "Oh well, buy me a new one" attitude. When you get down to the nitty gritty.... the original ones were crappy. You can barely see the screen, and the flip top screen just isnt on there as securely as the new ones. Plus it weighs like 10 lbs. We made out a chore list though. She can't play Nintendo except during designated times, and after she has done her chores. And it's not her Nintendo. It's MINE and she has to ask to play it.

So, that's us. The geekTastic family I have.

No fuss anniversary

Today, since it's 2 am here is our ten year anniversary. Wow, ten years.

The plan was to go on this nice vacation together for a weekend. You know, you think about it. Ten years! Wow! We need to celebrate!! But, that never happens does it? Summer goes by quickly, next thing you know boom it's too late.

I'm not upset though. REally, I'm not! Like I told Tony on the phone the other night.... I don't need anything, I have you. And I really, really meant it. Things got a little screwy. A friend of mine decided to take a family vacation about four hours from here, I decided we'd meet up with her and stay a few days, then Friday we have a Bday party to go to, and well, the time, well there isn't any. I wouldn't have it any other way though, and I know that may seem sad to some, but that's life for you.

I guess I feel that I don't need to celebrate that day so much. I have HIM the best gift of all. He has always been there for me, and given me to beautiful hellions. Life is good with us. We love each other, and we have the rest of our lives to celebrate.

Sounds good to me.

I feel SOOO much better today. Yesterday was pretty bad. I had this nagging headache that would NOT go away. I really never have this "type" of headache before. I had no idea what it was about. I'm pretty much a headache expert, since I've been plagued with headaches since a child. I can usually tell if it's a sinus headache, tension, migraine etc. But, this one was new. It was so bad, I laid down while the kids I was watching were still here and passed out. I felt bad about it, but damn I didn't feel good you know? I think I pushed it going out and doing the shopping after coming off of being sick. As you get older, you have to be careful with shit like that. When you're younger, (hell I sound like i'm eighty or something) you can bounce back. Yet, even if you feel well, you're not, and if you push it, you make it worse. Which is what I did Luckily, their mom got off early and picked them up early, and Tony walked in shortly after she left.

So, I conked out again. As I was drifting back into sleep, I got to thinking maybe I'm dehydrated? Usually, I sweat like a whore in church, even if the weather is nice, and I wasn't particularly sweaty. I hadn't peed much either. I though "Hmm what did I have to drink today? Ok, two cups of coffee (maybe three that morning) a diet Coke, more coffee at my moms and that was about it" Bingo. Just a sip of water to take my morning pills, and drinks just CHOCK full of caffeine. I got up and drank some water, and laid back down. When I woke up, I felt much better, but this time I had a hunger headache, since I had also barely eaten yesterday. Ate, drank more water, took a migraine pill, played Nintendo, passed out on the couch, and woke up this morning feeling refreshed.

Tony was cute yesterday. I wasn't feeling well, and when that happens I don't feel very social. He had homework and other stuff going on. He kept asking me if I was mad at him, even after assuring him a BILLION times that no I was not mad, he kept asking. Poor baby. Finally, when I went to sleep on the couch, since I love the couch, and the attic fan was going and the breeze felt so good, he kinda freaked. Didn't understand why I would want to sleep on the couch. Why am I mad at him? What did he do? I just told him I wasn't mad, I thought he was doing homework blah blah blah. He got quiet, and said "I understand, I'm sorry. I know you feel more comfy on the couch." and he left. Came back with the nice blanket (that we usually fight over in bed ) and my pillow. Covered me up, kissed me goodnight, and I went blissfully to sleep. AAAAH

Sometimes, you just need to be alone. I know that sucks being a part of a family, but especially as a mom, you just need your space. Dads are kinda lucky, because kids, when they have a SAHM are just naturally inclinded to ask mom for help or ask them questions. Even if dad is more than capable of helping out. Sometimes I'll tell the kids "Go ask your dad" and they just kind of look at me with this "Why would we do THAT" look on their faces. It's heartwarming, yet exhausting. Dad is usually the fun parent, who gets down and plays horsey. Mom is everything else.

I woke up this morning though to a MESS in the house. The floors somehow managed to get so sticky and gross. You couldn't tell I mopped the floor like two days ago. The kids hard torn open my huge box of Splenda and apparantly had a Splenda packet fight, which I made them clean up. It's just Ugh. Gross. Really, really gross. I need to get in there and clean.

WE're supposed to go fishing today. I'm wondering if I can convince Tony to take the kids alone,so i can do a good scrubbin'. I mean, he's going to have an asston of time alone when we go to Branson on Monday for two days. Hmmm.