Trying to raise a man the right way

The other day we went to a BBQ and Jonny was playing with a whistle that you put in your mouth like a pacifier to blow on it. It was in the shape of big, red lips. He didn't care what it looked like, he just wanted to make the whoowheeee noise. I was on the deck with Tony, with all his Navy coworkers, when out comes Jonny. He jumped out onto the deck, kicking his leg up at the same time, doing this little dancing hop, blowing his whoowheeee whistle. Everyone laughed, which then caused Jonny to dance around some more, ran off the deck onto the lawn, dancing the whole way. Then the jokes started.

"Heh Et1 (People in the navy call each other by their rate and rank type dealie, even in social settings, which I find weird) I would be worried about that boy of yours" Guffaw, guffaw, guffaw. "Hey look he even has those fruity little crocs on" Tony is obviously embarrassed that his son had the audacity to, you know have fun. He turns to me and jokingly said "What you teaching him when I'm not home" It was all in good fun, but you know it just left a bad taste in my mouth. I then "jokingly" said "Oh you guys leave him alone. Every little boy I have ever met has loved to dance, but it's this shit right here" waving my hands around the group "that makes boys think acting like this is weird, so they suck it up, and hold it in, and then become emotionally hollow, and turn out like you clowns" The other women were like "yeah right on" Everyone laughed and moved on.

I just don't understand why this happens. What is WRONG with a 4 year old boy dancing with his whoowhee whistle?

Now granted, these were all young guys without kids. I think what bothered me the most was Tony's reaction to it. It seems to be such a male thing to tear the other guy down all in good natured fun. We see it all the time among men. Anyone that dare act different or be sensitive gets ragged on. Gotta get home to help the little lady clean the house? Pussy. Like to bake? Sissy. Like wine instead of beer? Nancyboy. Like to wear a pretty, pretty dress while grocery shopping? Well I don't want to type what you'd be called.

Men just seem to have a pack mentality. Almost like Mean Girls with penises. Yet, they excuse it as just harmless fun. Maybe because I don't have a penis, I don't understand? All I know is that I don't want my son to feel like he can't be himself or he'll be laughed at, unless that is his intention. A lot of time it is. He likes to make people laugh. I don't think that he really "got" that they were laughing at him in a mean way. I think he just liked being laughed at. He's four, he's not scarred by it or anything.

It was just Tony's reaction. Him turning bright red. Not stopping them. Not protecting him. I don't know maybe I'm making more of it than I should. Tony's dad used to call him Polack, and I was horrified. I thought what an awful thing to call your child, an everday reminder that you think they're essential stupid. Tony says it wasn't a big deal, and I just think as a man, you have to take that kind of stuff, and not show it bothers you.

I want to raise both my kids to be themselves. It's ok for a girl to be herself, but for a boy, it's not. It's such a shame.

I was a total bitch to Tony yesterday. I haven't been that angry in a long time though. I made the mistake of taking his car to the store. I use the word car loosely. It was more like a garbage can on wheels. I mean, if you were to go in my van right now, it isn't clean. There is stuff on the floor. Towels, my shopping bags are scattered. Things like that. Not FILTH though.

I was so embarrassed I had to drive the car to a car wash and clean it out before I went to a store. I didn't at all want to be associated with that disgusting dump on wheels. I think I counted 25 or so empty packs of cigarettes and about 10 empty cans of slim fast. And he wondered why his car stunk? Slim Fast has MILK in it assclown. No wonder it smelled sour in there.

Tony smokes, and he is so different from other people who I know or knew that smoked, and smoked in their car, including myself. As a smoker, you are aware that the smell of smoke offends (everyone that is but Tony) you don't WANT to smell like smoke. Even if it's freezing cold, and you're driving down the highway, you roll down the windows (both of them) and hang the cigarette out, only bringing it in to take a puff. You NEVER flick the ashes inside the car, the ashtray is used like a non smoker... for change. When you get where you go, you pop a mint, and then you're done.

No not Tony. When Tony walks in a room, you SMELL it. It's annoying. I don't like the smell, and he wonders why when he comes home from work I don't want him hugging me or kissing me. That may sound hypocritical since I smoked, but this is how it was when I smoked. I took great pains not to reek, and he didn't. He's got that "I don't give a fuck" attitude that drives me nuts. You don't give a fuck that you reek? That you STINK?!?! So, he smokes with the windows UP driving around in that Kia Rio, and he flicks the ashes into a coke can. This makes no sense to me why he wouldn't just use the ashtray. At least he would have a bigger hole to aim for. So ashes are EVERYWHERE and he uses the coke can until it's full. So, not only does he smoke with the windows UP, he sits in the car with a slowly smoldering cigarette burning on a filter of another cigarette.

I got home and I wsa furious. He got furious back and said that it was his car and therefore none of my business, and that no one sees him get out of that car at work blah blah blah. I said "What about the neighbors who walk BY the car? Did you ever think about what they think?" This is when his "I don't give a fuck" attitude comes back into play. Well I DO. There, I said it.

We pretty much bickered all night about this and other stuff. It wasn't a very good night.

Saturday night means PAR-TAY!

Party for other folks that is. Not for us. Just regular old married parents fun. We got rid of one kid tonight, and the other one sleeps early, so we may get all wild and wacky and STEAM CLEAN our carpets. Woohoo! We'll make a big old pot of coffee, and steam clean the HECK out of these rugs.

That's what I WANT to do, but Tony is not so hip on the idea. I just hate carpet, and ours is really gross. I want to be able to playgroups here and as of right now, my carpet is just too gross to have strangers over. Tony also needs to cut the grass which is nothing less than effing ridiculous at this point. I'm trying really hard not to "harp" on it, but it's really tall in spots.

He is going to be gone most of the month of July, and it's going to suck, but that's the Navy life for you. If it means he can come home with us in August, then it will be worth it. I can't believe the summer is like almost over! It just seems like it started. It's already almost July!

We got the kids a cheapie pool, and damn that's the best fifteen bucks we've spent. They have been in it everday all day. Even though they really can't do much in it, they still have a good time just playing. Today, the girl down the street came over and swam too. They had a blast. I figured it was the least we could do, let her swim in our pool since Aislinn is always over there playing.

Today we assigned Aislinn her first chore. She has this really bad habit of dropping food everywhere when she eats. Even when you point it out, she won't pick it up. So, her new chore is to vacuum the dining room. She was all like "Cool! That sounds like fun." But, when it came down to it, she was like "The vacuum is too loud, I don't want to do THIS chore" I explained that a chore wasn't negotioable, that it's assigned and if she didn't get it done, she wasn't going to her sleepover. Needless to say she got it done, and if it helps her realize to stop eating like a slob, bonus. She is really bad. Jonathan eats cleaner than she does.

I'll be watching you

I added a cool little, who is coming to my website thingy at the bottom. I used to have one a long time ago, but Blogger changed and I had a hard time adding it in. It was a lot of fun to see who was coming to read. So, now I know who you all are. Bwahahahaha. I know when you came, when you left, when you leave a comment, where you live, and what your IP address is. I OWN YOU ALL NOW! Ok the four of you that read, and I probably knew all of that anyway.

We had a BBQ to go to tonight, and we had fun. It was with some people on Tony's new ship. They were REALLY nice, and normal. I say normal becuase usually I cringe when I meet other military spouses. The host was actually an officer on Tony's ship, which was intimidating. As much as I like to say stuff like that wouldn't bother me, it kind of did. They were welcoming and kind. The wife and I talked FOREVER. She has a daughter very much like Aislinn. It felt good to be able to say "It's ok, breathe it gets better!" Her daughter IS very much like Aislinn. She was adorable. She is four and pretty much bossed Jonny around all night, telling what he could and could not eat. Jonny is used to it, so he took it well. She and Aislinn bonded instantly, and they played tea party the whole time, excluding Jonathan which is Aislinn's favorite past time.

Their house is beautiful. They did exactly with their house what I would want to do with mine. Bold, bright colors in each room. They were both kind of boring looking, but you walked in the home and it was like BAM red, and then the dining room BAM electric blue, and then the kitchen BAM lime green, and then den BAM pumpkin. It sounds crazy but it worked and it was great.

I'm glad I went. I was really not looking forward to it.

One thing that tough was the food selection. There was meat, but all of it burnt to a crisp. Potato salad, chips, and some raw veggies. I had two ribs with some raw brocoli and dip. The dip was questionable. Then she pulled out cheesecake. Oh Lord. I didn't eat anything I shouldn't have though. I am really proud of myself.

Do you think they count people when they're ready for bed?

We went to a small farm in Hampton today. It's really cute, unfortunately, really hot! Plus, we were really late. Really! When we got there, the other moms had decided to crash at a members house instead of hanging around there. We were waiting on another member, so me and the kids took a quick peak. It was a really nice place. They had all types of animals, and crops, and a playground.

Jonny is just like me, he HATES the heat. This was torture for him.
Aislinn of course was really into it, and spent most the time mind melding with this particular goose. I think she was just stunned that for once, this canadian goose was friendly, unlike 99.9% of the others we've come across. She isn't stupid though, even though it was friendly, she wouldn't pet it.

I did try to get one pic of them together. Check out Jonny's commercial Sears ad pose. He did that by himself. I think I need to get him an agent.

We saw some pretty things. It was quite homey, and the animals were well cared for. I was kind of expecting gross dirty animals, but check out this goats beard. It would make ZZ Top jealous.


Overall, the trip was T double E double R double R double I double F double I double C

I made a mistake...

Posting my blog on a newer bigger website, before really feeling at home there. As soon as I disagreed and dared go up against the queen bees (when will I ever learn, I know you all are shaking your heads) a few people came here and posted not very nice comments. Of course, you know the post on top was about my PMS and how I sat here all day, which just screamed PATHETIC LOSER WHO LIKES TO CAUSE TROUBLE.

But, you know what? Trouble, is good.

Second week of summer vacay and this is what it has become

Eating her bread into animal shapes, and then demanding I take a picture. Maybe a trip to the park is in order this week.

It's hard. It's already second week and the kids are playing Wii WAY more than I expected them to. The girl down the street can no longer play during the week since her super fun, yet super expensive summer camp lasts until five. Aislinn is pretty good about it, not whining until you tell her that maybe sitting in front of the Wii for six straight hours isn't such a good idea. But, she's bored. I know she is. Our yard is crap, the grass is tall and the yard is small. Tomorrow I plan on taking them to the park. Thursday we have a playgroup thing which is far from the house. Sigh I really wish I could find more things to do around HERE. Even the pools are a good drive away, so is the beach.

HULK SMASH!

It's so funny to me to have a little boy. Jonny has been running around yelling HULK SMASH! Beat up his sister HULK SMASH! Pretend he is fighting with an imaginay bad guy HULK SMASH! Someone picking on his kitten.. HULK SMASH. Have I mentioned we have NOT seen the Hulk movie? Commercials. They're like kid crack.

Yeah so we've been doing a whole lot of nothing. Gas man! Gas is going to be the death of us. Then because of gas, FOOD is expensive. FOOD. Did you know you need FOOD to live? WIthout it, you'd die? We need air, and it's FREE why can't we have free food? Oh damn, now they'll start charging us to breathe.

Speaking of air, there has been a wildfire in North Carolina for two weeks and the smoke is so bad it blows over to our area. It gives me a headache. Its jsut weird to go outside and smell and see smoke on a daily basis. The kids seem to think that the fire is like two blocks over, and literally WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT. We have seen a lot of fire trucks lately. I think it's from people calling 911 because they're all "SMOKE! FIRE!" becuase they live in a cave and don't realize that it's been this way for TWO FREAKING WEEKS and it hundreds of miles away. READ A PAPER PEOPLE. Anyway back to the fire trucks. Everytime the kids see one, they're all "OMG! The wildfire is going to get us" which then leads to a hundred questions and me trying to explain that it's far away and that it won't get us. Finally I got SO SICK of hearing about the effing wildfire, I yelled at them in the van one day "Look if we wanted to go SEE the wildfire, it would take us like five hours to drive there. Don't bring it up again" then a hunched over the steering wheel and mumbled menacingly under my breath about damn kids and damn wildfires and not making me turn this van around.

Yesterday, we were running errands as a family, and can I just say, I hate it how Tony drives. One, he drives like an asshat. He always tailgates, and expects everyone to drive how HE drives, and it's just crazy. Two, he gets REALLY mad when something goes wrong. I mean, it's one thing to mutter "Fucktard" under your breath when you get cut off, but Tony flies off the handle, and it makes me tense. I don't do well under pressure, and the van always feels like a pressure cooker. People think Tony is the SUHWEETEST thing, but he has a horrible temper when it comes to what he percieves as stupidity, especially behind the wheel. Anyway, we were leaving Sams and this old lady was confused, and he yells "GODDAMN IT LADY COME THE FUCK ON! THAT'S WHY OLD PEOPLE SHOULDN'T HAVE DRIVER LISCENSES" Yes, the kids were in the car, and they jsut giggle that daddy said a bad word. I immediatly grip my arm rests, and tense and sigh heavily and ask is it REALLY necessary to scream obscenities at a little old lady who did nothing more than get confused. But, oh no according to Tony THIS woman is a menace and ALMOST HIT OUR VAN, which you know would be terrible considering she was going like 2 miles per hour, and our van is just so freaking van-tastic with its rust holes. He just could not see the point of hey it happens and yelling doesn't solve anything other make me want to punch him.

So, today, I'm driving home from the grocery store. The smoke had this confusing, kinda hard to see effect. I forgot that this one turn lane, you can turn without getting smacked by the cars coming from that direction. Being the cautious driver because that is what my father taught me to do, I waiting for there to be an clear shot from both directions. All of a sudden I hear someone yelling JUST FUCKING GO ALREADY! Yes I could hear the driver BEHIND ME yelling AT ME from HIS CAR, over his loudly thumping heavy metal. So, I'm sittingthere thinking what the hell? Why should I go only to get smashed (HULK SMASH!) by some other car. That's when I realize my mistake and give myself a mental bop on the forehead and pull into the lane. But, I have the NERVE, the AUDACITY to have an old slower moving fan that's a v8 so it takes some time to get up and go if you don't punch it and really, there isn't a NEED to ever punch it, unless you're a maniac like Tony or the asshat behind me. I guess he didn't think I was going fast enough toward the STOPPED CARS waiting for the light to turn, because you know it's all about hurry up and wait if you have a penis.

So, he pulls up beside me and he yells "NICE DRIVING YA BITCH"

I just couldn't believe it! I of course flipped him the bird, but I swear my face burned all the way home. How dare that man call me an awful name for doing no more than making a mistake! When I got home I told Tony, words hurt, then kicked him in the balls.

Recently my sex drive has taken a menoPause

I honestly can not take credit for the title. I have Robot Chicken on, and they are doing a spoof of Sex in the City with the ladies from Golden Girls, the title comes from there which is a weird coincidence.

Really, I have absolute NO interest in sex. I just can't deny it anymore, I don't know what my deal is, but my mind and body is just not THERE anymore. I was talking with a friend today, and I was telling her about how Tony and I used to fight a lot. Like a LOT LOT LOT. I pretty much loved and adored him, but also hated him, and he could send me into a fury just by looking at me. I'd have to resist scratching his eyes out on almost a daily basis. Then of course, I got on my medication, and although I love him, my lady bits have gone all dry and withered. I don't know if it's a direct connection to the medicine itself, or if its the fact that we don't have that anger fueling that passion anymore. When we fought on a daily basis, we were doing it on an every other DAY basis. Now, we're lucky if we hit it every other week.

Overall though, I am ok. I am not suffereing for this, except in the guilt department. I just feel so bad. Tony shouldn't have to choose between hot sex, crazy wife, or no sex, nice wife. He's of course being really cool about it, and doesn't get mad, or impatient. He just waits patiently for me to approach him, which isn't going to happen.

I figure he's had about 14 years of good sex for the most part. If I have a slow year or two he should just count his blessings that he had a steady supply of poon for as long as he has.

Summer vacation summed up in one picture

Yep, two kids hanging out in their undies at 1 in the afternoon. Does it get any better than that? I have a confession... this picture was staged. Only because RIGHT when I was about to take a candid shot, Jonny with his weird sixth sense somehow KNEW I had a camera in my hand. So, as soon as I shot the picture he was standing in front of my trying to snatch it from my hand yelling "I wanna see! I wanna see!" Then he demanded I take his picture again...

Yes I live with that much cheese on a daily basis.

Notice that my laundry room door is WIDE open. Had I done laundry today? Why no I hadn't, but the kids find the laundry room FASCINATING and no matter how many times I tell them to CLOSE THE DOOR ALREADY GOD DAMNIT they don't listen.

Out of sheer guilt, I took them to Sams. It's only day 2 of summer vacation, and I already feel guilty that Aislinn is spending so much time *gasp* at HOME! Oh no! The horror! She hasn't complained or anything, but I just feel like she is missing out on summer camp fun. So, once again I did some research, and holy cripes. I just CAN NOT justify spending 100+ a WEEK for her just to have fun. 100 a month? Sure, but a week? Sams it is then.

I actually hadn't been to Sams in forever. My membership had expired.. in FEBRUARY. I regret getting it renewed, as I really don't see a reason to go there anymore. They didn't even have samples today. We did get some movies, and Tony some shorts. I'm just hoping that they don't look like capris on him. Got some chips, and just a bunch of stuff. We also had lunch there. We got lunch for all three of us for five dollars. You just can't beat that. We all got hot dogs, and I am not a hotdog fan, but man mine was pretty good.

Ok that was boring.

Why yes Bon Bon Mom I do read!

A. Attached or Single- Attached

B. Best Friend(s)- Hmmm that would have be my friend Mike and Tony of course.

C. Cake or Pie- oooh hard. I'll go with cake.. as in cheesecake.

D. Day of Choice- Thursday for some weird reason.

E. Essential Item- Laptop for sure. See Margo you're not alone in that one.

F. Flavor of Ice Cream- Peanut butter ice cream. Wow.

G. Gummy Bears or Worms- I am partial to the worms.

H. Hometown- St. Louis, Mo.

I. Indulgences- Bare escentuals make up and Philosophy wash and lotion.


J. January or July- January

K. Kids- Aisy and Jonny 8 and 4.

L. Last movie I saw in a theater- Kung fu panda

M: Musician: Hmm no favorite. I guess Maroon 5 is as close to a favorite as I have.

N. Number of siblings- 2 sisters.

O. Orange or Apples- Apples

P. Phobias or Fears- Frogs, and aliens.

Q. Quote- My favorite is "You should be ashamed of yourself" Jonathan age 4. LOL

R. Reasons to smile- when the kids are being good and playing together nicely.

S. Season- Fall. I love it.

T. Tag 4- Pam, Teri, Mouse, Kate. Those are the only ones I can think of that maybe read and keep a blog, other than Margo, but she tagged ME.

U. Unknown fact about me- I don't think I have an unknown about me.. I pretty much blab about everything.

V. Vegetarian or oppressor of Animals- Atkins? Hello? Yum!

W. Worst Habit- Picking. My face, my head, my scabs, my back, my pimples. It's bad.

X. X-rays or Ultrasounds- Ummm I am guessing X was a hard one to think of. LOL

Y. Your favorite Food fried chicken!

Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dreams

Red, gold, and green

Red, gold and greeeen

Aren't those pretty? Everytime I make this certain dish, I always like to look at all the peppers co-mingling together in harmony.

Today was the first day of summer vacation, and you know what? The kids were fantabulous! I actually slept in until like 10:30 this morning. What were my two little angels doing? CLEANING THEIR ROOM! No shit. I swear. Tony told them it had to be done before he got home, so they decided to do it as soon as they got up, and they did it together, and with no fighting, and with me not there to tell them exactly what to do.

Now granted, they spent most the afternoon tearing up the living room and dining room, but you know you can't have it all. Right now they're both crashed out on the couch, and I am not looking forward to carrying Jonny up those stairs.

It's raining finally adn this week it will be cooler. Like 85. Sounds good to me!

Gangsta lean

Aislinn got this little potted plant from a friend at Girls Scouts when they were working on their friendship badge. We have no idea what it is, and really doubted it would grow, but yesterday it surprised us with some sprouts. I put it by the window and in just 24 hours they grew even more, with a noticable lean toward the sun. I thought it was pretty neat.

I haven't taken many pictures lately and I miss it sometimes. Nothing has struck my fancy until today.

I think I am getting a summer cold. Even though the temperature in the house has been a consistent 75, I've been sweating non stop. My throat has been scratchy, and I have a small cough, and I hocked a green loogie this morning. Also yesterday I slept ALL day, as in 9 am to 5 pm. EIGHT HOURS on the couch with just a few wakings. Lucky for Jonny Tony came home ridiculously early. I didn't eat, I didn't drink, I didn't do jack except sleep as if it were my job. I did it well yesterday.

Of course when I woke up, the house was a mess. I had kind of picked up before I laid down on the couch. I even purged the toy box. I woke up and it was terrible. I was kind of mad at Tony about it. I mean, come on. If you see me sleeping on the couch for 8 hours straight, you gotta figure something is not right. But, nooo Tony took it as an opportunity to do nothing at all, because hey if I'm not doing anything, why should he?

Today is the last day of school. I can't believe that Aisy will be in the 3rd grade next year! It's just mind blowing. Wanna know what else is mind blowing? Every night when she goes to bed, she READS A BOOK TO HERSELF. A chapter book! She reads some here and there, and gets through it in a few days. I am so proud of her.

Her Girl Scout thing went well. She got 3 try it patches, and a bunch of fun patches for the back of her vest. She started late, so she didn't get as many as the other girls. We can work on them at home this summer though, which will be fun. There was one girl there that was bridging from Brownies to Juniors and she had done so with honors! Which means she earned all 62 try it patches! That's a lot of work. We're not going to do that of course. I figured one a week would be good, it will give us a goal for the week, and keep her busy. I don't want to push her though. She has picked her first one, so we'll work on that one next week. It has something to do with puppets or something. She has to make different kinds of puppets. She went to get a sock to get started last night, but sock puppets wasn't one of the options, so she left the sock on the table while we looked. In the background as Aislinn, Tony and I were talking I could hear Jonny like screaming. Not in a hurt way, just in a having fun kid way. Finally it registered that he was saying "Whatcha reading?" in a different voice. I look over and he was ducked down, with a dirty sock on his hand (I guess Aislinn got one out of the dirty clothes pile) and the sock was asking us over and over "Whatcha reading" We were cracking up, but we wouldn't answer, and the sock kept getting more and more insistent on learning what we were reading. We were dying!! Finally he gave up, and when he stood up he saw us laughing. I said "Jonny you have a dirty sock on your hand" and he said "No it's not" and I told him to smell it, and he did and he said "EW yucky". I am telling you, that kid is a crack up. I can't wait until we go back home in August, because I think people will be surprised to how different he is. He was so shy when we left. He still is shy, but once he gets comfortable, he starts goofing around and it's so funny. He cracks people up everywhere we go.

I love my kids.

Hot cup of screaming kid, it's what's for breakfast

Aislinn just walked out of here, screaming and crying. She was supposed to be ungrounded today, but managed to get grounded again. What did my darling, angel faced girl do? Just be herself.

Well, that's unfair to say, but not in a way. I don't know. I'm just too tired to think this morning. I decided to wash her shoes last night, and when I put them in the dryer, they pushed the dryer door open in the middle of the night, and when we woke up they were still damp. Of course Aislinn could NOT find her clogs, so this started the tears. Which I can understand, but really if she was A. a normal person, she would have more than TWO pairs of shoes and B. if she insists on being a person with only two pairs of shoes, then she needs to take care of both pair. She was crying "I ALWAYS HAVE TO WEAR WET SHOES" because you know I dip her shoes in the toilet EVERY MORNING just to piss her off.

The grounding didn't come though until she got argumentative. I could have taken the crying and total despair over having to go to school in damp shoes. Come on, even I, heartless mom of the world, can realize that this would wholy suck donkey balls. But, when I try to explain to my child that this is a lesson in responsibility, and she screams NO IT ISN'T. Well, little missy you just earned yourself another day.

Did some changing

I got a comment from a reader Jadilina saying that the white on black was too hard to read. I'm still not 100% this wasn't really Pam disguising herself. Hmmm was it Pam? Fess up! I needed to change it around anyway. I put that as my template just because I was frustrated one day trying to fix it, and just left it like that out of laziness. I STILL hate what I have, but since Blogger changed a bunch of stuff, I can't figure it out. So, brown it is. Woohoo. Can you hear the excitment in my voice?

It is like a 100 degrees out there right now, and I have to go to the store. Which sucks. I have to get some cheese and crackers for our Girl Scouts thingy thing tonight. Aislinn will get some patches and stuff. I'm excited for her. Gotta make sure to bring my camera for sure! I don't know how many she is getting, but if she gets one I'll be happy for her. She started late, so she won't get as many as the other girls, but hey! That's ok.

Yesterday, Jonny and I had playgroup and we had a good time. I am having a lot of fun with this group. Very relaxed, and chatty group of women. One lady has a pool and we swam and snacked. I stayed on my LC plan.

Speaking of low carb. I am no longer going to obsessivel count carbs. It's freaking me out, and I'm just going to EAT. That is how I lost in the beginning.

Right now I'm just laying around nd doing a whole lot of nothing.

Mama makes it better

So, I've been doing my low carb thing, and for the most part enjoying the HELL out of it. I really am. I am eating things I usually can't eat with any other weight loss program. Chicken wings anyone? Mmmm Tony makes the BEST chicken wings. Don't get me wrong, I do miss certain things. Like ketchup. I'd love to slather some ALL over my eggs. Oh and IHOP is having their Pancakes across America promotion. What does that mean? It means I spend a lot of time trying to convince myself that I REALLY don't want carrot cake pancakes with cream cheese icing. No REALLY I DON'T I SWEAR IT! Oooh my tummy just growled.

Although the food is awesome, and I enjoy it, I've only lost seven pounds. I read about people who do low carb who lose like 12 lbs in the first WEEK. Why can't I be that kind of person? I've been kind of upset about it. I've started obsessively logging my food intake on www.fitday.com. I've calculated some formula I found, and have tried to eat that much in food, since that is supposed to be the best for weight loss when low carbing. I've stopped eating as much cheese, and no more nuts. Becuase I ONLY lost SEVEN measly, stinking pounds. I've peed on almost fifty ketone sticks in almost three weeks. Since getting in ketosis I have remained in ketosis, so why I need to constantly need to pee on the sticks for reassurance is beyond me.

I called my mom today, and started to boohoo to her about how I've been doing this almost a month and only managed to lose sniff sniff seven measly, stinking pounds. Yet, she saw it differently. She saw it as I lost SEVEN WHOLE POUNDS GONE FOR GOOD. She made me feel good and PROUD that I lost those seven pounds.

I got to thinking, and though I started on the 15th, I had a few falste starts. I had a carbofest on the 24th when we went to the Strawberry festival that included a cheesesteak, two beef and cheddars and a large order of potato bites from Arby's annnd some regular soda. Then I had some chips a few days later. When I finally got "serious" I had issues with regulating my cheese, and almonds. So, I guess seven pounds after THAT is a good thing. It jsut seems like I've been stucking seven lbs forever. Ok like a week.

My morning routine

Wake up the FIRST time the alarm goes off for Tony, and thank the stars that it's HIS alarm and not mine.
Wake up when my alarm goes off
Contemplate for half a second on hitting the snooze, choose not to.
Lay there for three minutes exactly
Get up, yell at Aislinn to get up on my way to tinkle
Tinkle
Yell at Aislinn to get up on my way downstairs
Get downstairs and try really hard NOT to have conversations with Tony
Yell up the stairs for Aisy to get up
Stand on scale even though I said I was only going to do it once a week
Depending on scale, I either heave sigh or smile. Lately..smile
Take my blood sugar
Yell at Aislinn to GET HER BUTT DOWNSTAIRS THIS INSTANT
Pour coffee into cup
Argue with Aislinn that YES I did wake her up several times
Put Splenda in coffee
Ask Aislinn what she wants for breakfast
Put cream in my coffee
Ask Aislinn AGAIN what she wants for breakfast
Take a sip
Yell at Ais that it's now 7:15 and she had better pick something for breakfast!
Get Aislinn her bfast even though she is more than capable
prod her to eat
prod her to eat
prod her to eat
Trying hard not yell
Dancing from foot to foot nervously as the clock ticks toward 7:30 and she's taken ONE bite of cereal.
Snatch food bowl away as she cries about how HUNGRY she is
Try really hard not to bang head on wall
Get her up the stairs to brush her teeth
After five minutes yelling at her to HURRY UP and get down here
Watch as she stretches her shirt out to some unrecognizable form
Try not to scream that she is going to be late
Watches as she brushes her hair
Send her out the door with a kiss and wave

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Our new couch comes today and I'm so excited! My legs hurt from walking for hours in my flip flops. Its crazy.

Summer is here

Summer is here, and you know what? I haven't been feeling THAT down on an everyday basis. I have noticed that I moodier and I get the boohoo poor mes more often, and I am snapping at the kids more. It's almost like I have pms... just all the time. Which is better than murderous rage. I'm sure Tony will agree.

The true test on whether or not my depression will get worse is now. We've been lucky only having the AC on a few days here and there. But, the nineties are here to stay. I've been a little obsessive over the AC, which is another sign of my condition. Where I lay awake at night worrying about whether we're big ole pussies for keeping the AC at 77 during the day and 75 at night, and really should we keep it at 80, even though the thought makes me want to vomit. Our upstairs can get five degrees higher than downstairs, so the thought of sleeping in 85 degree heat. Barf. If I'm not worried about that, I'm concerned about keeping the upstairs cool at night, and if by closing those two vents downstairs, will that keep the AC running all night and will I wake up to a pool of water and a frozen AC? I literally could NOT go to sleep last night until after 1 am, laying there wondering and worrying about the damn AC.

My low carbing is going good. I have found some great sites, and it's SO refreshing to see some SKINNY ASS people who are LCing. Marathon runners, and body builders. Especially when they started out fat. I am really enjoying it. Right now I'm eating my one minute muffin. Wait? Did I just say muffin? That can't be low carb. Well it is, and because I'm low carbing I get to eat it with an ass ton of butter. Lucky me. I love it. It's so easy to make! I make it from flax meal. I mix all the ingredients in a cup, stir it, and microwave it for one minute. Out pops a delicious and hot muffin. It's hard not to just eat them all day long. I have one.

My blood sugar has been MUCH better. It was high this morning. My fasting was 184! But, I didn't eat a snack before bed last night. I usually ALWAYS eat a snack right before bed. Something high in fat. But, last night I just didn't feel like eating, and low and behold high blood sugar. So I need to eat more! FAT! Yes! Life is good. I have lost about seven lbs and I've been doing this for about 3 weeks. Not that great, because on 1 day I cheated, and two because a few days ago, I wasn't interested in food, and didn't eat enough so I think my body held onto everything. But, I can't deny the fact that I am now feeling skinnier, I have WAY more energy, and the cravings are gone. Even though I have a lot of fast food options at my disposal, I'd rather eat at home. Also, added bonus... I am now regular again. Woohoo!