Friday, July 17, 2009

When I went to my therapy appointment, I was talking about how I felt stressed about having to constantly find ways to entertain the children. Not that we're doing anything fun, I have to save money for our trip back home in December (A whole 'nother thing bugging me.) and money is limited. But, I think about it a lot, and I do what I can when we can. The therapist asked me what my husband did with the kids, and I just stared at him like he had sprouted a horn and a third nipple right before my eyes. Husband? Kids? Together? Doing... things? Things that don't involve me? After what he was asking sunk in, I collapsed in a fit of giggles right there on his couch. Funny man! Dads doing things with kids. Hilarious!

After my giggle fit, he assured me tha yes, he was quite serious. That when his kids were youger they were HIS on the weekend. He said it was never a question, and he took them out and did things with them every weekend because he was always working. I just stared with wide eyed wonderment at this wonderful thing he was speaking of.

I told my therapist that I was feeling Tony should be more involved, but haven't said anything. This is how an argument goes with Tony.

"Tony, I'm not trying to upset you, but I really think you should clean up the yard"

"Oh my GOD, you think I'm a fucking horrible husband and father and I don't evne know why you stay with me, if everything I do is wrong."

So, yeah you see why I've stopped telling him things. I've gone to being super bitch do as I say and DO IT NOW kind of person, to a really, it's never going to change why bother kind of person, and it really bugs me. When I was a bitch, I got my way but it's exhausting. So, my thinking was.. if I lay off he'll naturally do the things he needs to do, and that blew up in my face because his natural instinct is to be totally selfish and lazy. You know, he continued BEING A MAN, but a man without constant nagging to steer him proper.

So, anyway, I asked the therapist "Well, what about him working all week?" Because, I come a family where the man does what he wants, when he wants, because DAMN IT he worked all week and deserves it. My therapist just shrugged and said "yeah it sucks for the dad, but you know they're not kids forever. Now I have all the time in the world to do what I want."

Trying to fight the urge to make out with my therapist, I left with some things to think about.

Long story short, I had a talk with Tony about it. I feel that especially in our situation, he really needs to make an effort. Since he's come home from deployment, (you know that time he was gone for FIVE MONTHS! That time, where he got to live like a college student for almost HALF A YEAR. You know that time where I was stuck here holding down the fort while he played with guns and got drunk for A HUNDRED A FIFTY DAYS?) he's taken the kids out to do something.. ready for this? TWICE.


He took it well, because I made him work for my talk. When he came home, he could tell I was upset, and I said "Why even tell you, you'll just make it all about how you're a victim" totally passive aggressive but it worked. After about two hours of my pouting and denying him, he was practically BEGGING me to bitch him out. I shall remember this. Of course, he wanted to tell me about the one time recently when he dropped off Aislinn at Girl Scout stuff at the park, and he took Jonny along with him to pick her up. I think I stared at HIM like he sprouted a horn and a third nipple. Wow, congrats.

He said he knew he was slacking, and that he'll try to do better. I'll try to believe it this time and not roll my eyes.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Life has been pretty quiet around. It's summer and the kids are in a never ending mix of fun and boredom. This year, the two kids down the street are allowed to come out and play all day, so that's what they have been doing. Also, we bought them one of those huge pools with a ladder and everything. I am surprised and also a little miffed at how little it gets used. I guess for a kid, it's more fun to hang out with friends in the heat than to play with your sib in the pool. Especially when mean ole mom doesn't let the kids down the street in the pool. Isn't that horrible? I feel guilty and I know I will have to relent eventually, but the thought of four wet and whiny kids in and out of my backyard/pool is enough to give me the vapors. Plus, they've had their pool up for WEEKS and my kids haven't been asked to join them in it. I'm not playing tit for tat, I'm just saying.. I'm not the only mom that doesn't like the idea, thank God.

We've spent some time at the beach, but mainly most out time at home. The kids have been surprisingly ok with that. They watch tv, play with the pets. Even without the Wii (which is on the fritz and sitting in a box waiting to be shipped back for repairs) they've been pretty mellow.
They're older now, and damn if it's not amazing and awesome and super fucking cool.

Jonny was 3 months old when Tony got his vasectomy. Everyone hinted that we would regret that decision. That once Jonny got out of his baby days, we'd want another one. Sure, there are times when I see a baby and my ovaries let loose a plethora of eggs, but it's always short lived. We ARE complete and I know it,and I love it, and I don't want it to change. We got started in the baby making department first out of our group of friends, and while they're doing diaper duty and breastfeeding, their lives on hold for the next few years, we're taking our kids to see Transformers 2 and they were able to sit and enjoy a 2 and a half hour movie without a fuss. No one was scared, or wanted to go home, or cried. When we left we were able to discuss the movie and who we liked and what we didn't like. I was very worried about taking them to see it. It is rated pg-13. But, halfway through the movie I turned to Tony and said "Oh my God, it's AWESOME to have older kids!"

Aislinn is just getting so big. She is growing like a weed. I know when we go to St. Louis next time, people are going to freak out. She's looks so grown up. She's starting to get into my girly things, although her natural stubborn streak makes her fight the urge. But, she is sporting painted nails and toes, although she wants DARK colors. I'm ok with that. She let me put a french braid in her hair. and when she saw it, was very excited and just loved the way it looked.

Jonny is getting big too, but he's still five and the baby and acts like it. He's still my snuggle bug.

Life has been good. My summer depression has showed up, but my family understands (finally!) and gives me a wide berth and a pass when it comes to certain things, and because they've beeen so understanding, I've feel better and willing to do more around here. Tony has been great. He's been getting into cooking more and more. Last night he made us amazing chicken wings. It's nice that once or twice a week, he can take over cooking duty. It cuts back on the eating out when I just feel too tired to cook.

So, it's been fine here, a bit quiet, a lot relaxed, and going well.