Sunday, October 28, 2007

It is so weird not to be glued to my laptop anymore. I spent so much time researching where to live, and now that it is done, I often find myself grabbing my laptop in a spare moment, and sitting here with NOTHING TO DO!

It's an awesome feeling.

Now, the countdown begins. I have twenty six days until we move, and I am excited. I will of course miss all my family and friends, but it is inevitable, and the only thing to do is to be postive about it all. I knew when I marred that man o' mine that moving, moving, moving was going to be a way of life.

Right now I get to concentrate on more fun things like what to get my kiddies for Christmas. Right now the Leapster bike is on the list for the J-man. Aislinn.. not so sure. Imean she spent twenty minutes at the store the other day trying to convince me to buy her the pink Sony Viao laptop she found. Yeah right sweetheart. Not while your daddy is typing on a crappy HP right now.

We got the BIG BOOK OF TOYS today, and they had a blast circling ALL the things they wanted. If only that was possible. But, it will give me some ideas.

Having kids is such a blast. Sometimes I get caught up in the whole adult world thing, I often forget that HEY YOU HAVE KIDS, and to stop and play.

Today we carved pumpkins, and to my utter amazement Aislinn did most of hers ALL BY HERSELF. I was so proud of her, and you know what? She did an amazing job! Although, she carved out what I thought was a ghost, and I said "I love the ghost you added" and she got embarrassed and said "That was supposed to be a fish" Ooops. But, she said "You know, that does look like a ghost though! Such a giving soul.

I don't think I mentioned this here, but recently Aislinn had an incident at school. She had severlely chapped lips and looked like a clown. A girl passed her in the hall, and said "Hey Ugly Girl" which of course hurt her feelings. She didn't cry though (which is what I would have done as a child) but shot her a dirty look. I really wanted to cry. It broke my heart. The next day I asked her if the girl said it again, and she said "You know what? I found out that, that girl is in KINDERGARTEN mom, and so I'm not upset anymore, because she's a little girl, and she doesn't know any better."


What a caring girl I have, and such a smart girl to know that someone that young doesn't have the compacity for empathy yet. That at that age, you blurt out whatever is on your mind, mean or not. I wanted to cry harder that day then the previous. She just blows my mind with her intellect and wisdom at times. Then again, this is a girl that also managed to get her slinky so wrapped up on the swing set, I had to take the swing DOWN to get it off. So, wisdom... well it comes and goes. But, isn't that true for us all?
If you haven't read this blog yet, you really, really should. Thank you to Christina for showing it to me.

It's a blog about a dad, and his daughter who can't speak. But, talk she does. It's an amazing journey that Rob takes us through effortlessly. There is no other blog that makes me feel so GOOD about life. So GOOD about humanity. I always leave there feeling warm and fuzzy all up in my insides.

This blog has helped me with Aislinn so much. To show me that all seven year olds are strangely weird in a great way. But, it also has shown me that I can not control Aislinn's ticks and weirdies, but I can definitely enjoy them the best I can.

I got my new tattoo today, and zomg do I love it. It looks awesome, and I can't stop staring at it. When I went to my moms, I nonchalantly walked into my moms room (or so I thought) and looked at it, and my sister busted me. She said it was allowed though. LOL

My mom and my sister were both concerned about my tattoo. I was really unable to explain WHAT I was getting. The artist and I had emailed a few times to discuss ideas, but I honestly didn't know what she was going to come up with. So I guess they were assuming this horrible tribal looking design. When they saw it, they were both pleasantly surprised by the design and feminity it has.

The turquoise ribbon is just slightly cut off. I'll be honest it was bigger than I expected, but once I saw it, I fell in love. She only charged me a hundred dollars too!! I just love it. I especially love the little lime green whoopty doos (her term not mine) she added that wasn't on the original design. She said it needed a little something extra added to it.

And dare I say, it compliments my freckles? LOL

So, yes I'm in love. Tony loves it, and both kids like it too. Even Miss I hate anything new you do to yourself. Her first comment was "I hate it" but I think she is so used to saying that whenever a change occurs, but she asked to look at it a few times, and seemed to like it. Jonny wanted to know when he was going to get HIS tattoo. Not until your 18 buddy, just like the rest of us.

The artist did an amazing job. She was very sweet, and was just tickled pink that I let her design it herself, and that she was doing somethin girly for a change. She was just all "Omg, this is going to be so great!" and "This is looking awesome, I am having SO much fun!" Far cry from my other two tattoos where it was like complete intimidation walking in, picking something out, and then having some angry dude just scratch away at your skin, without much enthusiasm for what he is doing. THIS was the real deal, and it was amazing!

Perfect example. She had complete enthusiasm for what I was doing. She was downright eager to get started, excitedly pulling out her sketchbook, and showing me what she had done, making sure I liked it, assuring me that it could be changed. Making little excited noises while doing it, etc. While talking, she said something about some girl coming in to get a fairy later on in the day, and her demeanor changed almost right away. Bored, not looking forward to it, kinda pissy about it. It just kind of solidfied to me that just walking in and getting something off the wall is not going to get you a good tattoo.

The burning though after. OMG. I've had two very small tattoos done in the past, so the burning was never an issue for me. But just the AIR hitting this was killing me.

It feels good now, and I've schmeared some gunk on it, and now I'm going to bed.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Tony is home!! He got in around seven-ish this morning. He was so exhausted, but we sat up and chatted for a bit. He had a good time. He was telling me all about his friend, and how it's so weird to see his friend as a DAD (last time he saw him, his son was a baby. His son is now five) . He had a really good time. He said the kids were awesome, and it felt comfortable being around the family. I'm getting really excited about going there. At least THIS time, we'll know people.

Tony got us a place to stay and although not our first choice, we went with it anyway. Our other choice was better, nicer area, bigger townhome. But, there was a pond behind the "yard" and I use the term yard loosely, as it was teeny. Enough room for our table and that's it. Plus the pond freaked us out. With the two adventurers I have on my hands, it would not go well. Also, we'd have to get a new stackable washer and dryer, and even used, they are EXPENSIVE!!

So, we went with the smaller townhome. The best part is that it's an end unit, so there is more yard. Not much mind you, it makes our current yard look like a field. But for a townhome, a decent sized one. We can put our swingset up and still have room for the kids to play. Plus, there is a laundry ROOM not just a laundry space. At first I thought I would have to go outside to get to the laundry room, but found out that isn't so. Thank God.

It does look smallish though. But, our plan is just to live there a year and move to base housing, or if we get enough saved, buy a house. We're hoping that the current trend of foreclosed homes (not that we're hoping for people to foreclose of course) will hit that area brining house pricing down. I doubt it since there is always a new flow of people coming in and out of there, but we'll see. At this point the only thing we COULD afford would be... well a townhome. I am ready to get into a place to call my own though. To paint if I feel like it, and hang a billion pictures up if I want to. Get some critters.

So, we now have a place to live!! I'm very excited about this, and very happy. I am glad Tony went and checked it out. We just can move in immediately, and it will be awesome. Plust after his school, Tony will have close to three weeks off before he goes to his new command. So we can get settled and everything.

Today I have a tattoo appointment. I can't wait! I'll post pics for sure!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Tony arrived in Va safely. I talked to him quite a bit today, and he seems very excited. As much as I bitch, and bitch and bitch, there is no denying that it feels good to hear my man so happy. Relaxed, excited, full of nervous energy. He drove straight through the night, getting caught up in bad storms in Kentucky and West Virginia. He went to the base, got stickers for the car and the van (you need Dept. of Defense stickers on your vehicles just to get on base) and then drove straight to his new command. He met all his future co-workers.

He will get all our stuff done tomorrow. Not exactly sure what he plans on doing? But, hey whatever.

The kids have been pretty good since he's been gone. I have PMS, so I am a little short tempered, but they're being so good, that there is rarely yelling.

This morning I did have an incident with the moving company. They were scheduled to do a walk through on the 30th to see how many boxes we'd need. Well, I walk outside and someone pulls up and walks up to me. I mean I was literally putting the kids IN THE VAN to go to school. I assumed that it was just someone who wanted to inquire about the house being for rent, since our landlady put a sign up. She told me who she was and why she was here, and I told her that I was not at all prepared, and that I knew for a fact our appointment wasn't until next week. She was passively aggresive pushy, which irked me. Like being fakey nice, but really basically telling me I was inconveniencing HER. Which just blew my mind. SHE comes on the wrong day, while I'm trying to get my daughter to school on time, so she can eat breakfast there, and I'm making this hard for HER?!?

Basically she wouldn't shut the fuck up, and Aislinn didn't get to eat breakfast. Aislinn likes to eat breakfast at school, because she doesn't like to get up and have to eat right away. It works out for us all, as she is in better spirits when she leaves for school since we're not constantly nagging her to hurry up already, right when she wakes up.

I was so pissed at this lady. She KNEW, she KNEW and she came anyway. WHY? Because, she knew Tony was gone. I was home when he called her, and she wanted to make the app. for today, and he said no, he was going to be gone. So, she shows up anyway, becuase he wasn't going to be there.

I left her standing there, and went to drop A off. Then I went to my moms and made that lady wait, for like thirty minutes. LOL Totally passive aggresive on MY part, but you fight fire with fire. Then, when I got back, I told her straight out... I didn't appreciate this, it was truly inconvenient for me, my husband wanted to BE here, and I feel that she did this on purpose to suit HER scheduel and knew that Tony wouldn't be here. She left, but not before telling me that it was a 20 mile drive. Man I was pissed.

First of all, my house wasn't company worthy. Shame on me sure, but hey whatever. If you say you're going to be here on the 30th don't show up a week early. Plus, I have this thing about people in my house. I really really hate it. I usually schedule stuff when I know Tony will be home, because I hate having strangers in my home. I feel nauseous and anxious and just all around jittery.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

We've had an eventful evening tonight.

After much back and forth on should he, shouldn't he, Tony decides finally that YES he is going to drive the 14 hours (he says 14, I say 17) to Va, to look at our housing options. He had actually made this decision earlier in the day.

So, tell me WHY after laying about all day doing nothing, he tells me FIVE minutes before he leaves he needs the insurance card for the car. While I'm weeding through all the credit card offers and junk mail that I've saved to be shredded, the kids are bouncing on my LAST nerve.

They had been fighting over this fucking punch ball balloon all afternoon. One would have it, and then mercilessly tease the other one for not having it, causing crying. Then, the balloon would be forgotten about by the teaser, then the teasee would quickly snatch it, and then the roles would be reversed.

I was really fucking sick of it.

Finally, after hearing "Mommy! I want the ballooon WAAAAAAHHHHHHH" 200 times, I snatched that fucking balloon, took a pen and jammed it in. The pop it made was like a cool balm for my nerves.

There. Balloon ordeal over.

Yeah right.

Both kids stared at me with their huge fucking kid eyes, lips quivering, tears welling, then oh the wailing. It was like I murdered a puppy right in front of their eyes.

Aislinn wailed "I want my bouncy friend! I want my bouncy friend. You killed my bouncy friend" Jonny wailed "My BALLLOOOOOONNN! Why'd you pop it? My BALLLOOOONNN" This went on for about fifteen minutes. Thank God the windows were down. They were running around, screaming, crying, pounding the floor, slinging tears and snot everywhere. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't help it, I felt a giggle rise in my throat. I had to run to the bathroom, where Tony was taking a shower and laugh and laugh.

I am a horrible mom.
It's COLD bitches. COLD COLD COLD. I am currently wearing a fleece jacket, socks AND slippers, and I have the heat on. It's official. I'm getting old. But, it beats being hot, so I'm not complaining.

This morning was a toughy with Aislinn. Tony is home, so of course the morning starts off with every possible ailment Aislinn could think of to keep me from sending her to school. That girl. God love her.

So, she has gotten over her socks and shoes issues. YAY! She can now put on her socks and shoes without a fuss. But, she's moved on to pants. No matter what pants she has on, they don't feel right. Whatever girl. I don't care. Wear the pants and go to school ok? Today, she bitched about SWEAT PANTS. What the hell?!? I told her I'm just going to buy her jeans if she's going to complain about her pants, because then at least she would look tidy. If I have to hear her fuss, might as well right?

I decided the other day to do a little experiment. We were at Target, and I told she could pick out her OWN outfit. Do you know what that little snot said to me? "Finally!" Ok. So, she actually picks out some really cute stuff. Sweat pants still, but at least dressier. She insisted on getting large though, which are too big. She puts her new sweat outfit on yesterday, AND SHE COMPLAINED ABOUT THE PANTS. Just to let you know, she can't walk to feet without having to hike them up her ass, because they are TOO BIG.

I swear, I'm buying her jeans.

Yesterday, we went to the main library to see the founding members of TAPS (The Atlantic Paranormal Society I think is what it stands for) that have their own show on SciFi that we all love, called GhostHunters. We get there... and they were full. Aislinn was SO disappointed. So we took them to Incredible Pizza for dinner. We had a good time.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

New do.

So, I've always wanted to do something fun with my hair. What I don't know. But, usually it inolves the color RED. Red all over, red streaks, red higlights. The problem with this though, is my hair is dark. Once I went and paid 85 dollars for red highlights, only to chicken out at the last minute and tell the lady "Not to drastic please" and came out looking pretty much like I did when I got there. I might as well have lit that 85 bucks on fire, because at least I would have been warm, getting SOMETHING out of it.

The thing is, I would have to BLEACH the parts I want to make red. BLEACH. I bleached my hair once, and HATED it. Everyone at the timewas bleaching blonde highlights in their hair, and I thought I should too. The thing with me, as with most fashion, what looks fab on everyone else, makes me look like I'm trying to hard. Then I had kids, and stuff like getting my hair dyed in some odd color was not important anymore. Getting dressed was the goal of the day, and getting dressed in something other than yesterdays sweats was enough to give you a gold medal in beauty.

I took the plunge yesterday. I dyed my hair a copper color over the summer. I liked it, but the whole eyebrows didn't match my hair thing drove me nuts. Now that it's getting cold, I decided to go back to my natural color, which I love, and don't know why I messed with to begin with. But, next thing I know, I'm buying a bleach kit and red dye to do what I've always wanted to do. I managed to pull my hair through myself, and bleach it, then painted the red on. It's not EXACTLY what I wanted, I just kind of of wanted red STREAKS but, I got the front of my head all red. Oh well. I still like it.

This is what I ended up with.

And yes I am wearing clothing. I'm wearing a terry tube dress, the must have accesory when dying your hair. It looks more pink in this pic, but it's definitetly red in real life.

This is outside today. I don't know WHY I'm making this face. I thought I was smiling. It looks like I'm on the toilet, but I swear to you, I'm not.

It looked really sweet in a ponytail.....

Again, tube dress. I threw it on today for comfort.

Do you see any lice? LOL

Then I got it cut. Because as cute as it looked in the ponytail, and even though I wear a ponytail 95% of the time, I just didn't like it as much long and red.

So, then I did this......

So, even though it may be a technical nightmare, I still think its pretty freaking cute!! :D

Saturday, October 20, 2007

We had to go to the nearest base to get new id's. Mine expired... oh I don't know two years ago, and we just never got around to getting me a new one, since I never used here. In VA I was whipping that thing out at least once a day, to get on base, to go shopping at the Exchange and the commisary, when I took the kids to the dr whatever. I rarely needed my drivers liscence for anything. Even when I wrote a check at Wal-Mart or bought beer, that's what I used, since it was always front and center and accesible and people in VA were just used to seeing them. I tried that here in St. Louis when I first moved here, just becuase that's what I was used to. After getting sick of watching people scratch their heads, and flip the thing around a billion times to find the info, or like once, someone telling me it wasnt a real id, I just tucked it away, and never looked at it again.

It was kind of nice being on a base again. The last time I was on this particular base, was when Jonny was three months old, and Tony was getting the old snippety snip. There is something comforting about being on a base when you're in the military, as they all pretty much look the same. It'slike no matter where you go "home" is always there, and I think they make them look alike for that reason. Or the cheap material. One of the two.

We decided to hit the BX while there. Which is the deparment store-esque shop that every base has. In the Navy, it's the Exchange, Air Force (the base we were on) is the BX. It looked JUST like the ones I've been in previously, just smaller.

Sometimes, when life gets you down, you're just stressed to the max, you just need some therapy to keep you from curling up in a ball in the corner, and sucking your thumb while rocking, trying to recreate the womb. That's how I feel this whole freaking weak. Like any little thing would send me into the fetal position at a moments notice. This has all been unbearable and by far the most stressful move to date. I blame the kids. With their needing a good education and safe place to live. It was me and Tony? We'd find the cheapest shack in VA, and be happy. We'd even poop in a hole on the ground if it meant it would save us some money. Anyway, we decided to spend our worries away.

We bought Tony a new laptop. This is his combo birthday and Xmas present. Well, first he was going to take mine, and I was going to get the new one, but I thought of all my pictures, and shit, plus his left click button on this new one sucks, so I said Happy Birthday. We were at first, going to get me a laptop to support my Sims games, but I decided against that a while back, since we'd have to spend up to almost 1500 to get what would work. So, we decided on a cheaper notebook (which is more powerful than mine, go figure). We really needed two, as he likes to be able to do his homework on mine, and well, Im just a WEE bit selfish. Plus it will be good for him when he deploys and stuff.

Then, Tony said "Hey let's buy a new computer monitor for the desktop."

It may seem like splurging to some, but our old monitor was jacked up. It was OLD and huge, and not very bright. Aislinn scratched it up really bad, so whenever we used it, it was hard to see one spot. It looks like she took a rock and buffed the screen with it. We found some off brand ones, and meant to get 19 inch one, but Tony "accidently" grabbed the 22 inch. He "noticed" the mistake after it was rung up. I thought the 19 was pusing it.

He set it up, and OH MY FREAKING GOD, the thing is amazing. He had me play Sims on it to see what it would look like, and it'slike I'm playing a new game! I think the old monitor just didn't have enough guff to support our graphics card. First of all being 22 inches, it's awesome. But, I'm also able to up the graphics on the game and still have fluid movment, something I was never able to have before. I just assumed it was the computer, not the monitor. Don't get me wrong, the game before was great, and I thought that would be as good as it was going to get. Not so. I found out today that the omelets in the game... they have red peppers in them. Woohoo!

So, I feel better today. Probably not so much when I get the credit card bill, but whatever.

Friday, October 19, 2007

This is all so confusing!!

I am sick of looking for housing. I am sick sick sick of it.

We did get news today that the wait for housing is not as long as we were previously told. For the housing we WANT its only 3-6 months. Which means we'donly have to stay in an apartment for a few months. If we want to stay in Norfolk, we could get in right away.


There. I said it.

Ugh ugh ugh I have no idea what to do. I wish I could go with Tony to see these places. I wish I could go and figure out what to do. It's hard to sit here and not KNOW. Everyone has opinions, everyone says do this, or that or the other thing. I read reviews, I check message boards, I hear all this SHIT and I just want to SEE FOR MYSELF damn it.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The move is soon. About six weeks away. Tony has started to slowly get things fixed around here, and I've done some weeding of our junk and decluttering. One thing I have noticed is that I no longer give a shit about the house. Before we hit this six week mark, I would at least feel BAD that the house was a mess, even if I didn't do shit about it, but now, it's like eh I gotta give it a good cleaning when I leave here anyway, at least I can con my mom into helping me. I am the epitome of laziness.

I am all afluster and freaked out because of apartments. At any given time I have like three windows up, cross referencing between a site that gives reviews on apartments, the apartment site or, and to see where the best place would be to live. It's hard. They all start to bleed together after awhile and they all have wonderful calming names like "Vista at Orgasm Bay" and "Valley of the Milky Breasts" You have to weed through the apartment-ese to figure out the good from the bad.

The thing with Virginia Beach is that there are A LOT of apartments, since purchasing a home requires a blood oath and your first born child. Lots of new ones. None that are ever FUCKING CLEAR about exactly what they are by, and really it's pissing me off. Just once I want to see "Closests to Little Creek Amphib base" or "The apartment is sucky but GREAT schools" or " Really? Look elsewhere" I even emailed a place and recieved a very obvious form email back telling me I would LOVE it there, and please make an appointment for a tour of their pleasing apartments.

The plan is to make a list, and Tony will drive there, look at ALL of them, and then pick one and then come home. Oh and to get drunk with his friend Mitch. But, that has nothing to do with my new home. That's his plan, becuase he's a dude, and not only is he a dude, but a sailor and they love their drink.

I'm sad, but now I've moved onto the feeling of excitement too. I guess deep down, stifled beneath my crotchety ways and fear of change is a bit of an adventurer. My main concerns other than schools are 1. How am I going to watch Heroes and 2. INTERNET. Cuz the bitch loves her some internets. Amen then end.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Tony and I went out this weekend with friends for an adult only camping trip. Knowing that my wonderful children would be less than pleased at this news, I didn't tell them until the day we left where exactly we were going. Actually, less than pleased is being nice about it. They both pouted, stomped, and pulled at their hair in an act of rage and bitterness. But, haha kids, I didn't care. Because mommy was TIRED of you and your neediness. You guys with your "I want food, I want drink, I want my blanket, I want my butt wiped, but only counterclockwise, and DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME WHILE YOU'RE DOING IT DAMN YOU." It's a never ending fucking list of demands more ridiculous than the last. I knew it was time to jet when you guys started requesting your sandwhiches carved into the liking of van Goghs Starry night.

So, we dropped the kids off, and left without so much of a backwards glance to do all the fun things adults do uninterrupted when kids aren't around. Like drink, and swear freely, and listen to songs by Ludcris, where the word fuck isn't bleeped out or edited. Oh and Pictionary, lots and lots of Pictionary. Oh and WHAT?!? I can have sex IN THE TENT! Woohoo. I mean, it wasn't easy, or comfortable on a cheap blow up mattress, but you know you just HAVE to do it, just to say you at one time did. Crazy stuff!

I knew I was pushing the parenting karma when we went horseback riding. I knew that I wouldn't be able to NOT tell Aislinn we went, but I knew when I did, she would be mad, and instead of feeling bad about this... I felt glee. Pure glee! Like I just couldn't fucking WAIT man. Just like how my parents used to say they were going to go for a walk, and would be gone for like three hours, eating a nice calm dinner at Applebees while we waited around for them to come home. They'd walk in, and it was like they couldn't help themselves, they would trip over each other to see who would be able to tell us first that they had the quesidillas and a bourbon steak. They loved it. It's pretty much a not very talked about perk to being a parent, the gloating of WE DID STUFF WITH OUT YOU! SUCK IT KIDS!

We got home, and picked the kids up. Tony and I were already feeling post weekend camping let down. Aislinn was already pissed about being hungry, and wanting food, but not just any food, food made by someone OTHER THAN ME. Food that has never seen the inside of our house EVER.

We got them some pizza (and we heard bitching about THAT too), and herded them into the bath. I washed Jonny hair, and noticed he had something funky in his hair, which I could only assume even now, was wet cardboard. I didn't SEE any cardboard in the tub, probably becuase it was, well all in his hair. Thank God for that cardboard though.

I put him on the tub, to check out his hair, to make sure I got all the cardboard out. What I find was honestly completely unexpected, that I just couldn't believe it. Jonny was COVERED in lice. (Now everyone is scratching their heads). I mean, I thought Aislinn's lice the last time was bad, this... this took the fucking cake man. I don'tknow if it's because his hair is lighter or WHAT, but man the kids had freshly unhatched eggs RIDDLED through his hair. I mean, anywhere I would part there was a few eggs. The funny thing is, since Aislinn had the lice episode a few months back... I've been super anal about checking them, and I checked him not to long ago, but something happened and he was infested. When I saw the first bug, I yelled for Tony.

So, last night was spent picking nits out of Jonny's head. It was karma giving it back to me. If I didn't want to spend time with my kids, karma was going to MAKE me do, but in the most disgusting way possible.

Jonny was actually really sweet about it though. It hurt, of course, and really the only way to get nits out is to hand pick them off. The combs will get a good number of them out, but not nearly enough. For two hours, he sat with his head in my lap, eventually falling asleep while I picked every last thing I could find out of his head. This was no easy task, as there were a LOT of things in his head. Crawling and attatched. Even though we used the lice shampoo a lot of the lice were still alive, which doesn't give the shampoo a good review. He would cry out in his sleep if I couldn't get something off gently. :( Aislinn amazingly, only had ONE louse, and ONE egg by that louse. I've checked her obsessively and nothing, that was it.

Karma is a bitch.

Friday, October 12, 2007

I believe dreams can tell us things, give us insight to what is really going down in our lives. Not all the time mind you. Like I know some of my dream last night was greatly influenced by a book I just currently read. All the people in my dreat at one point was inflicted by some mysterious disease that made them crazy and want to hurt me. That just goes back to the Stephen King novel I finished Lisey's Story. Which is about a mysterious ailment that plagues a small family. The only way to release the bad gunky is to cut themselves. If they don't then they could eventually turn crazy, which is what happens to two of them. The one survivor goes on to become a famous writer who is retelling his story through his wife, after he is dead.

But, also last night I had a dream where I was constantly LATE for the airport. I don't know where I was supposed to go, or what I was supposed to do, but no matter how many times I tried to get there, I could never GET there, and if I by chance GOT there, something held me up so I couldn't go. This really has NOTHING to do with anything I read, wrote, saw, or watched on television, which of course has me questioning it this morning. Usually, if I dream I wake up and think "Oh well that was on TV last night" and move on. That's probably 90% of my dreams.

So I decided to look up being late on and this is what it said. Honestly, how freaky is THIS considering my impending move and all.


To dream that you are late, denotes your fear of change and your ambivalence about seizing an opportunity. You may feel unready, unworthy, or unsupported in your current circumstances. Additionally, you may be overwhelmed or conflicted with decisions about your future. You feel time is running out and that you do not have time to accomplish all the things you want.

Some could say Well DUH, and of course I can say that too, but, I don't know. I guess yeah, I kind of knew this, but to have it manifest itself in a dream, makes me realize it is mor of an issue than I realized.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

It's around this time I really start to hate the NAvy in a big way. Well, not so much the Navy as my darling husbands infatuation with it. I just want to tell him he's a big boy, and on Top Gun, and Crimson Tide, they don't show you the things like... not paying you when you need to be paid, and all that.

Tony was screwed out of a eight thousand dollar bonus. One of the many annoying things about working for a "company" with like a million employees. People just stop fucking caring at a certain point. He was supposed to re-enlist in November, but they informed him that he wouldn't be getting a bonus. Um ok. So, they asked if he minded reenlisting in September. Sure, what the hey. Why not. And this is where the problem starts.

Tony WAS due for a bonus, but is not eligible because he re enlisted about a month before he shoudl have. Just trying to help his command out. They said after October it was going to really tough to get everyone together and get his reenlistmen done. Tony, being the nice guy he is, said Sure no problem. Essentially dicking himself out of 8 thousand dollars. Sometimes, nice guys? They do finish last.

They are trying to work it out, but he says the chances of him getting the money are slim. At least we werent expecting it, or counting on it. WOuld it have come in handy for our move? Hell yah it would have. But, what are you going to do right? Keep on trucking for the most part.

I'm just stressed. I of course told him that I dont know why he continues to stay loyal to these people who have dicke dhim out of more money than you can even possibly imagine. Why? He wanted to get off the phone then. Maybe even HE doesn't knwo why.

Monday, October 8, 2007

The magnitude of us moving hit me this weekend, and in the middle of a lot of pool playing (of which I did not partake because I suck terribly) wonderful fried foods, beers, and laughter, I felt the overwhelming urge to bawl, bawl like I had to wear socks and tennis shoes, and get my hair brushed.

Saturday, we had a birthday party for the son of some friends of ours. It was just your typical five year old party at INCREDIBLE PIZZA!! It was INCREDIBLE! with PIZZA, where the party was assigned a pizza nazi who gave you two minutes to wolf your food, and open prezzies and scarf cake, so they can usher the next herd in to keep the cash flow aflowin'.

We get there a few minutes late, and that was probably a mistake on our part. When I walked in, I saw people that meant a lot to me, people I may or may not see again before we leave, and people I will miss when we are gone, all seated together in a fun and festive atmosphere, even with the Pizza Nazi there with a fake smile on her face trying to snatch plates of pizza away, and push cake on everyone to hurry the whole process up. I realized in our years here in St. Louis (which really seems like a blink of an eye) that a lot of these people, parents of friends, extended relatives, had become like a family to us. Where every person doesn't get just a simple hello, they get a big hug, and a kiss from me and I get one in return. That I have no qualms kisssing these people, because even though none of blood is the same, they are in spirit and love, related to us.

With having the kids around and games to play, we all get seperated. But, near the end we all met up and decided to ditch our kids and have an adult party. We quickly called my SIL who agreed to take the kids overnight. We dropped them off, and met our friends at a sports bar and grill.

In the middle of it all, just experiencing life, I looked around at my friends, all laughing and having a good time, and wanted to cry. It didn't help when our friend Mike gave every scenario possible for us NOT to leave, which made it worse. A lot worse. Seeing him trying to convince me and Tony so hard to STAY, just STAY already, broke my heart.

Time is a ticking. With that also comes so much to do on our part, I just don't know how much more time we're going to be able to see them. There is truly NOT enough time.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

I had a surreal moment today if I may be so cliche as to use the word "surreal" which I'm pretty sure I'm using incorrectly, but what the hey, I ain't got no college lernin', and I dos the best I can. Ayup.

Anyway. Sorry.

Like I said, today I just had one of those moments. One of those MOMENTS. I just can't describe it any other way than to shout it at you like you're a deaf immigrant who doesn't understand the language. Because YELLING it always helps. It was just ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS.

I went to school to pick up Aislinn, and she wasn't in her usual place. She wasn't dizzily spinning around as if there weren't twenty other kids around her, lost in her own world of fantastical spinning. What always amazes me is that if you have a group of kids, and one is spinning like a crazy, the kids can naturally and with instinct, even without looking, know to move out of the way. Nor was she picking up every bit of trash on the sidewalk, and tyring to stuff it in her backpack before I see. I get out of the van, to walk to the part of the sidewalk she can see me from if she is inside. All of a sudden I hear.


I just kind of stand there.


I look around... recognizing my girls voice.


Then I see her from far away, she had decided to walk to the corner and I passed her right up.

As I watched her walking toward me, trying not to run (as they are not allowed to do so) but trying to get to the sanctity of the van, I realized...... I'm MOM! Me, I'm that delightful childs MOTHER. I just wanted to shout to everyone "Hey! Me?!? I'm MOM!" I'm THAT GIRLS MOM! ME! ME!

Aislinn and Jonny are teh best things I've done in my life. I couldn't get much luckier.

Monday, October 1, 2007

A bit of a kid update since I really don't talk about them much, or so I've been told. LOL

Aislinn is doing really well in school. She got the best progress report she's ever gotten last week. Her behavior is really good, and she's finally gotten into the whole school experience. She doesn't whine about not like school, or not wanting to go. We are still having clothing, and shoe issues, but I just don't think she'll ever get over those until she gets older. I decided to let her try picking her own outfits, and that was a bust. She went to school one day (after much arguing and fussing about her pants feeling weird) with a purple, black and gray scooter, and a red and white Cardinal shirt. She looked like a ragamuffin. After that, I told her that I know that she is looking more for comfort than looks, but she has to at LEAST try to make them match or cooridnate. I know that sometimes I let her wear stuff that might not necessarily "match" but they go together. I explained to her when she goes to school looking like that, it looks like her mommy and daddy don't care about her. When she dresses like that I just want to pin a note to her that says in big bold letters "I am dressed like this because I wouldn't listen to my mom" Just so everyone knows it's not me, it's her!!

She and I are getting along amazingly though. I want to get this book to help us mend our relationship. I know that may sound weird to some people, that we need to mend a relationship that should be naturally loving and tender, but if or until you have a child like Aisy, you just can't even begin to imagine the world we sometimes live in. Some people just don't get how awful it can be sometimes. You find yourself trying to avoid your OWN child. You think "Phew, she's doing XYZ for now" and just wanting her to just keep DOING it and not come talk to you, because you know that just by talking, one of you can be set off. We had some issues with the Nintendo DS. She broke one, and misplaced another. She is constantly losing the games. Yet we were still letting her play with them. Why? Because she was QUIET and not causing chaos and turmoil in the house. Sometimes you just need a breather.

I see her though, and she is growing up into this amazing person with her own ideas, and it's awesome. I can sit and bemoan the fact that she won't wear the clothes I like, and she doesn't want to do things that are at all "girly" but, I've come to realize that hey, that's kind of cool. I'm not girly either, so I don't know why I wanted her to be so. In the end, she is her own person, even if she is seven. She has likes and dislikes, and she wants to do things that make her her own person. How I can I fight that? Why should I want to CHANGE that? I need to remember these are MY issues not hers.

Jonathan is still my little cuddle bug. My cuddle bug that refuses to poop in the damn potty, but my cuddlebug none the less. He is just so.... BOY. He cracks me up with his antics. I can't stay mad at that little shit, becuase he knows that you get more flies with honey than vinegar, and uses his three yr old cuteness to his full advantage. Just give mommy a smile, tell her she's pretty, and give her a kiss, all is ok. He is such a blessing after having Aislinn, so easy going. If I tell him he can't have something in the store, he might whine for about 2 seconds, then he forgets about it. Very much like his father that one is. Aislinn is very much like ME, so there you go.

He has started telling us he's awesome. Everything is "awesome" to him. "Did you see me do that mom? Wasn't that awesome?" "Did you see that trash truck mommy? Man, it was SO awesome!" "Whoa I just shot a booger out of my nose!! It was awesome" (actual conversation). He also told us the other day he was a genius. We don't know why he thinks that, but he does. At least he doesn't have self esteem issues. He loves to perform for me all the time, he loves to make people laugh. He can't pass a mirror without stopping and doing a little acting to watch himself. Yes, he will be one of those silly boys flexing in the mirror.

Both of them sleep in the same bed. They've decided it's better that way. I just let them. It's just too cute. Even the other night, Aislinn had a friend over, and told her friend she feels better sleeping with Jonny, and went to sleep in there with him. I wouldn't have wasted my money on bunk beds that's for sure.

Tony is doing well. I'll throw him in here as he's my third child. He's excited about moving. He is doing well at work, even though he is counting down the days.

That's my update.