Monday, October 15, 2007

Tony and I went out this weekend with friends for an adult only camping trip. Knowing that my wonderful children would be less than pleased at this news, I didn't tell them until the day we left where exactly we were going. Actually, less than pleased is being nice about it. They both pouted, stomped, and pulled at their hair in an act of rage and bitterness. But, haha kids, I didn't care. Because mommy was TIRED of you and your neediness. You guys with your "I want food, I want drink, I want my blanket, I want my butt wiped, but only counterclockwise, and DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME WHILE YOU'RE DOING IT DAMN YOU." It's a never ending fucking list of demands more ridiculous than the last. I knew it was time to jet when you guys started requesting your sandwhiches carved into the liking of van Goghs Starry night.

So, we dropped the kids off, and left without so much of a backwards glance to do all the fun things adults do uninterrupted when kids aren't around. Like drink, and swear freely, and listen to songs by Ludcris, where the word fuck isn't bleeped out or edited. Oh and Pictionary, lots and lots of Pictionary. Oh and WHAT?!? I can have sex IN THE TENT! Woohoo. I mean, it wasn't easy, or comfortable on a cheap blow up mattress, but you know you just HAVE to do it, just to say you at one time did. Crazy stuff!

I knew I was pushing the parenting karma when we went horseback riding. I knew that I wouldn't be able to NOT tell Aislinn we went, but I knew when I did, she would be mad, and instead of feeling bad about this... I felt glee. Pure glee! Like I just couldn't fucking WAIT man. Just like how my parents used to say they were going to go for a walk, and would be gone for like three hours, eating a nice calm dinner at Applebees while we waited around for them to come home. They'd walk in, and it was like they couldn't help themselves, they would trip over each other to see who would be able to tell us first that they had the quesidillas and a bourbon steak. They loved it. It's pretty much a not very talked about perk to being a parent, the gloating of WE DID STUFF WITH OUT YOU! SUCK IT KIDS!

We got home, and picked the kids up. Tony and I were already feeling post weekend camping let down. Aislinn was already pissed about being hungry, and wanting food, but not just any food, food made by someone OTHER THAN ME. Food that has never seen the inside of our house EVER.

We got them some pizza (and we heard bitching about THAT too), and herded them into the bath. I washed Jonny hair, and noticed he had something funky in his hair, which I could only assume even now, was wet cardboard. I didn't SEE any cardboard in the tub, probably becuase it was, well all in his hair. Thank God for that cardboard though.

I put him on the tub, to check out his hair, to make sure I got all the cardboard out. What I find was honestly completely unexpected, that I just couldn't believe it. Jonny was COVERED in lice. (Now everyone is scratching their heads). I mean, I thought Aislinn's lice the last time was bad, this... this took the fucking cake man. I don'tknow if it's because his hair is lighter or WHAT, but man the kids had freshly unhatched eggs RIDDLED through his hair. I mean, anywhere I would part there was a few eggs. The funny thing is, since Aislinn had the lice episode a few months back... I've been super anal about checking them, and I checked him not to long ago, but something happened and he was infested. When I saw the first bug, I yelled for Tony.

So, last night was spent picking nits out of Jonny's head. It was karma giving it back to me. If I didn't want to spend time with my kids, karma was going to MAKE me do, but in the most disgusting way possible.

Jonny was actually really sweet about it though. It hurt, of course, and really the only way to get nits out is to hand pick them off. The combs will get a good number of them out, but not nearly enough. For two hours, he sat with his head in my lap, eventually falling asleep while I picked every last thing I could find out of his head. This was no easy task, as there were a LOT of things in his head. Crawling and attatched. Even though we used the lice shampoo a lot of the lice were still alive, which doesn't give the shampoo a good review. He would cry out in his sleep if I couldn't get something off gently. :( Aislinn amazingly, only had ONE louse, and ONE egg by that louse. I've checked her obsessively and nothing, that was it.

Karma is a bitch.

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