Monday, January 26, 2009

Blah blah blah

I just spent all evening decluttering the living room. It started with trying to figure out a way to keep Louie's ball from rolling under the couch. The only solution I could come up was to shove sheets under the couches. It looks tacky but it's worked. Although, now he has the fucking ball under the ottoman. I've moved it just a few minutes to get it and he rolled it under there again. He's just convinced me he's doing this shit on purpose. If it rolls under there again a third time (he managed to get it out the second time) I'm putting the balls up. I don't know why he has to play with them RIGHT by the couch and the ottomans.

Anyway, that led to decluttering. I pulled the couches out and depsite having just cleaned out from under them, they had SO much shit under there. I just don't get how all that stuff gets under there. Anyway, so I swept that out, and there was just SHIT everywhere. Then I got to looking around and every fucking surface in my living room had shit everywhere. Just stuff on every possible space. I swear why do we need 4 sets of ear buds? Why can't anyone put Wii games back in their cases? Why do the cases and games have to be stacked vicariously on the edge? I figured now was a good time to get rid of a lot of junk Tony has been holding on to. Then I decided to glue down something on the floor edge that had come off because Tony couldn't find a good way of securing it down. I didn't fix the problem, but it's no longer hanging there either.

So, now everything is dusted- and cleaned off. There is a huge bag of stuff that I can get rid of. It feels good.

Damn it the dog got the fucking ball under the couch this time. How is that possible?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Most romantic songs according to me

With Tony gone, I can't just go out on my own and get time alone, but I have found that when I really just need to get away, I put my headphones on. It works surprisingly well. I can block out all the noise and hub bub of the kids, and just kind of sink into myself. I throw them on and do the chores I need to get done. It reminds me of when I was a kid, I would put on my little cassette player (how's that for 80's?) and listen to Madonn's True Blue,or Paula Adbul's Forever Your Girl cassette while I had to clean my room, or the basement. Sometimes, I'd let my sister listen to her Bobby Brown cassette, but only when I was feeling nice.

I've never been a picky music listener. I know some people who get an immense sense of satisfaction when listening too music. The music speaks to them, and sometimes they can be a little scornful of say Britney Spears. I don't care about all that. I like music because I like it. I'll sing along to Britney Spears, I like her music.

But, I am a woman, and I have to say if there was any music that "spoke" to me would be a good romantic song that makes me think "Oh yes, I've felt THAT before." Even though Tony and I are in our thirties with two kids, a mortgage and a dog, and are able to live away from each otehr for half a year, there were times when I thought I would die without his kiss. There were times I thought laying together skin to skin was not even close enough, and if I could I would tear open his chest to get closer. So, yeah I was a little psycho. But, when that love is new and fresh and hot (kinda sounds like a pizza commercial) with all that passion just burning your skin, you have a tendency to get a little crazy. You want to tie your lover up to a concrete pole and feed him strawberries lovingly in the dark, soundproof basement, while he weeps through his blindfold pleading wtih you "Who are you? Where am I? How did I get here? Why won't you let me go? I'm allergic to strawberries!"

Ok so maybe not EVERYONE feels that way. But, you know what I'm getting at. Love when it's new, it's ok to be a little bit obsessive over it.

Anyway, I spewed out all the crazy just to list my favorire romantic/love/sexy/crazy obsessive songs.

Brown Skin by India Arie
Everytime you come around, something magnetic pulls me and I can't get out.
Disoriented, I can't tell my up from down
All I know is that I want to lay you donw.

Ok... so Tony and I obviously do not have brown skin. Actually, we're about as white as you can get, skin wise. We're the honkiest of the honkies. We're so white, we've marvelled at our skin in the moonlight as it sometimes looks like it's glowing. Camera flashes bounce of my skin ok? We don't show up in mirrors, we hiss in the sun. Do you get what I'm saying? But, this song is HOT, and it makes me SAD that I don't have brown skin, as I want this song to apply to US. It is probably the sexiest song I've ever heard without being overly sexual.

Cupid's Chokehold By Gym Class Heroes
I mean, she even cooks me pancakes
And Alka-seltzer when my tummy aches
If that ain't love, then I don't know what love is

Because isn't that what it's all about? Someone to cook for you,and give you medicine when you're not feeling well? I love this song because it's real, because after you settle down and release him from his padded sound proof cell, it's the little things he does for you to make you feel good. Like not call the police.

Long Walk by Jill Scott
You're here, I'm pleased
I really dig your company
Your style, your smile, your peace mentality
Lord, have mercy on me
I was blind, now I can see
What a king's supposed to be
Baby I feel free, come on and go with me

This is one of my favorite songs of all time. This is one of those songs that I really hope comes round when I have the Ipod on shuffle, yet it rarely does for some reason. Anyway, this song is one of my favorites because it's simple message about love. That it's not about wine and roses. It's about taking the time to get to know one another and you're here and that's what makes me happy and the only thing that matters. Taking a long walk... it's cheap and it's good for the heart in more ways than one.

Sweetest Goodbye by Maroon 5
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

This song makes me cry everytime I listen to it. It reminds me of when Tony has to leave for any amount of time. Even when he was on shore duty and never had to go anywhere, I would still get choked up. The pain of having to say good-bye when you love someone is immense. I'm not an overly emotional person, but I weep everytime it's time to say good-bye and it never gets easier. *wiping tears away*

Ok so that's all I can think of right now, or actually I can think of a ton more, but I realize that music is subjective. Like the song Crazy Bitch by Buck Cherry is extremely hot in a very sick way, and obviously not for everyone.

You're crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

See, my crazy is coming out again, I better stop here.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Through the course of a day, I have many, many ideas and thoughts on what to write about here, but when I actually sit down to do something, it's all just *poof* goes away. I remember when I had my journal on Spirit Chasers, a website a friend of mine ran, I could make 5 or more entries in a day. Then I got medicine, and realized that my funny was from all the crazy. Now, I'm just boring.

Maybe I can just make a list of the random things I always want to talk about.....

Twilight Vs. Southern Vampire Series..... Since reading the SVS with Sookie Stackhouse, I have become disillusioned with Twilight. It's obvious to me where Ms. Myers got her ideas. The similarities are too much, with just slight twists in plot and characters. Both books feature people who can read minds and finds a person whose mind they can not read. In Twilight it's Edward who can read minds, the vamp, in SVS it's the human... Sookie. Both are based in small, quiet, out of the way towns, who just so happen to have a ton of mystical shit happening. Even Sookie and Bella are similiar in their refusal to be taken care of and blah blah blah. Accident prone. There are even werewolves and shape shifters and an old Vampire order who wants to keep Sookie to themselves for her mind reading abilities. SVS came out first. Stephanie Myers claims her idea for Twilight came from a dream, I say it came from a dream while she was reading SVS.

A confusing trend.... So, lately I've noticed that a lot of girls are into deer hunting camo. I know that camoflage comes in and out of fashion a lot, but usually it's army type camo in girly colors. This is altogether different though. This is straight deer hunting crap. Leaves and sticks and twigs and little speckles of deer poop. I've seen girls wearing the jackets you can only really get at Bass Pro Shop, and the other day at Sam's Club, I saw a girl with a purse that had rhinestones on the strap. So, I know it's a trend because shit is starting to be bedazzled. I don't get it. I love my husband, but I'm not OBSESSED with my husband. To me this is what this is about. Girls, who want to identify with their husband and their hobbies so badly, that they will allow themselves to wear some ugly shit. Then I think, well maybe this is the new way of showing your redneck pride? No, I'm sticking with people obsessed with their husbands.

When will I learn?.... My sister pointed out ONCE AGAIN when I was back home that my blog is like my medical journal. Well, yeah it is. But, she's right I do talk about my many aches and pains quite often, and I'm going to do it again.

When will I learn that carbs are NOT my friend? Let's see since I've fallen off the wagon... my migraines have come back full force, I'm hungry all the time, my acne is back, and my stomach hurts a lot, I have a horrible gas, and I need a nap in the afternoons. You'd THINK I'd be frying up eggs up the dozen, but oh no. For some reason, I want to torture myself. What is with that? I had PASTA for breakfast. I'm an idiot.

That's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the many thoughts I have throughout the day. I bore even myself.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I haven't had much to write about since my days feel like I'm in that movie Groundhog Day. I get up, and do what I did yesterday all over again. Not much changes, not much happens.

I finally got Jonathan into school. He was really ready and I'm glad I waited until now. I think if I had put him in school in September it wouldn't have been as easy as it was now. Yesterday was supposed to be the first day, but because it was supposed to snow, everyone canceled school. For snow that was SUPPOSED to come later in the day.. maybe. Yes, you read that correctly. MIGHT come later on in the day, but none at that the moment we're cancelling schools. Of course, we didn't see a single snowflake all day yesterday. Being from St. Louis, it never occured to me that the chance of snow was enough to cancel school. We got up, got dressed, and got Aisy out the door. She comes back ten minutes later and told me a parent saw her and told her school was closed. We didn't hear the phone ringing this morning to let us know.

Anyway, all that to say TODAY was Jonny's first day. He did great. Got dressed, ate his breakfast, waited with baited breath until it was time to leave. We get there, he does what he's supposed to do, walks into the classroom, gives me a kiss and a hug and I start to walk out. Right as I open the door I hear "NOOOOOOOOOO" and I look behind me and he's bawling his eyes out, runnning toward me with arms outstretched. He trips and falls, and then crawls out the door with me. It was quite a pitiful sight. I took his hand and pulled him, nearly dragged him, to the classroom, telling him calmly that everyone goes to school at some point, and he's a big boy now, and is ready to learn. The teacher takes over and I march out. I'm not one to sit and soothe. I think it makes it harder for the teacher and for everyone all round. I knew once the kids got there and the day started he would feel better. I got a call later to say he cried for a few minutes but then was fine and told the teacher that he liked it there. What a relief it was to hear that.

I said it was easier on him to do it now, and he still got upset. But, trying to imagine his reaction if I had done it in September, it would have been much worse. I would suspect that I would have gotten a call not to say he was ok, but a call to say "um you need to come and get him, he's still hysterical."

I also made an appointment for Aislinn. The teacher says she is still struggling with trying to focus. I can not deny it much anymore, I need to get her evaluated. She has an appointment tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for all of us that she can get some help. The teacher said she's an amazing student, willing to learn and smart, but her lack of focus is hurting her right now.

I misss Tony like crazy. It's really been bringing me down. Then I think that he'll be gone again next year at this time, and I can't help but to think... what the fuck is he doing to us and our family and our marriage? I know that sounds unfair, but I can't help but wonder how he can see this half a year seperation as something that we can deal with. On other ships, deployments are stretched out. It may be another 18 months after you get back before you have to go again, but this job it's a yearly thing since there is no ship to be repaired and prepared for deployment. Every November-December they pack up and leave. Why does MY husband want THIS job? Being in the Navy? Why does he think being gone from his family for half the year in an acceptable way to live life?

As you can see.. I've been a bit bitter about it for awhile.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I'm trying to get back on goal with going to bed by midnight, but in order for that to work, I can not let myself to go back to bed after Aislinn leaves for school. It's harder than it sounds, because the pets go up to bed after she leaves. Do you know how hard it is to resist a nice warm bed, piled high with two blankets, and two warm, furry bodies to snuggle with? It's TORTURE. It's so tempting right now.

I miss Tony. A lot. We got into a fight recently about his lack of gumption when it came to fixing things that needed to be fixed before he left, and instead he made a dog house for our INDOOR DOG. So, now I have this pretty cool dog house in my backyard that no one uses. Why would the dog want to go outside to then go inside this dog house, when he could, oh I don't know... COME INSIDE THE BIG HOUSE. Where there's food and water, and crumbs to lick off the floor, and a cat to drag around.

But, anyway. Even though he made me mad, he's still a good guy, and I miss him. He doesn't talk much but he's good for keeping my feet warm at night. Plus I miss saying "The queen needs coffee" and you know him doing it. Now when I say that I just hear crickets, and I sigh heavily and go make my own. It sounds totally bitchy that I say that right? That's ok, we get it.

The kids have been so fight-y lately. I'm at my wits end. I don't know if its their age, or the fact that they both just really suck or what. Yesterday, I heard Aislinn slap Jonathan from upstairs. Then she had the nerve to be mad at ME because I grounded. She was only trying to LIGHTLY slap him. Why didn't I get that?

Aislinn told me the other day she wanted to be a boy. I think I scared her because as we were leaving Ace Hardware (to buy a snake to fix the sink that my husband did not fix before he left) I stopped short and said... "Oh God. I am bleeding all over myself". To make matters worse, I then went into the van, grabbed some papertowels and crammed them down my pants. Talk about traumatic for a little girl right? It was on the way home she said she wished she was a boy. She also informed me that she was never going to have a baby, that she would adopt. I think all little girls think this as kids, before hormones and horniness come into the picture. I know I did.

Aislinn reminds me of myself as a kid. She is surly and quick to burst someone's bubble, but yet so naive and trusting an innocent. I totally get why my mom told me I was a "miserable child". Aislinn is the same way. If Jonny is happy about something, Aislinn will say the one thing to suck the happiness right out of his bubble. I thought I had improved on this, but apparantly not since she had to learn it from somewhere. I have made it a point to watch myself.

It's not so much about her doing it to be mean I don't think, but doing it to be realistic. Like, if Jonny says he can't wait to start kindergarten because schools have playgrounds, and that means he can play on them, Aislinn doesn't say "Yeah buddy, isn't that cool?",. even though she knows Jonny is scared of school, and this is the first positive thing he's said about school... ever. Instead she has to point out that he only gets to play on there once a day. Which crushes his hopes, but in all fairness... is true. She just needs to learn some tact.

Bed is still looking tempting. My coffee hasn't kicked my sleepies away just yet, and the animals are looking extra snorgly. I may have to give in.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Totally going to be lazy here

I'm going to post something on here I posted on one of my message boards. Sorry for those of you that read it there. But, I wanted to keep a record of it.

The question was about tackiest gifts recieved this year. A woman Chris got presents from the DUMP from her mother in law. Chris' presents were even broken. Nothing says I love you like broken dump presents.

But, that reminded me of the gifts from Nana this year:

Ok well we all agree Chris wins hands down. I thought my Nana was bad, but man Chris's MIL took the cake!!

My Nana is 78 and has a history of giving shitty gifts. The thing is... the woman knows what good taste is. She walked into my moms home with a new kick ass leather coat and a FENDI bag ok? A BIG FENDI bag. Not a wristlet. I could have put Louie in it. Actually, he was in it, trying to dig out a pork chop bone she had stashed away. Anyway.

She informed my mom that she got my sister's boyfriend Jordan a leather coat. We couldn't WAIT because we knew it was going to be horrible!! That's one of our favorite parts of Xmas. The passing out of tacky gifts by my Nana. First of all, Jordan is 21, and a hipster. You know the type, black band tee, houndstooth hoodie, pants down below the crack of his ass with a studded belt holding them there, lip ring, stretched out earlobes. The nicest guy you will ever meet, and my parents adore him (probably because he doesn't believe in premarital sex unlike their other two son in laws. )

So, she passes out gifts. My mom makes out well. Silver tray with cream and sugar set. Michelle gets one of those purses that used to house like nail polish.. sans nail polish. It's like the tiniest purse ever, and Michelle carries a suitcase. Her wallet is bigger than this thing. Bo gets a cell phone/purse wristlet in patent leather blue. I got a used copy of Dr. Phil's weight loss solution.. with SOMEONES OLD NOTES INSIDE. (In her defense she claimed she didn't know I was coming ) My dad got a camoflage shirt. My dad doesn't hunt, nor does he wear camoflage or has the pressing need to hide in the woods. The worst part is it was UGLY camo. With like leaves and sticks on it.

But, then came Jordan's coat. This used leather coat. It wasn't as bad as we thought, until she turned it around (I'm cracking up) and there was a big ole rip in the back. When we pointed it out she exclaimed "Well shit! I paid TEN DOLLARS for that thing!!"

Oh Nana. You never fail to amuse.

You know give us all $5 gc to Mickey D's if you feel the need to give us anything at all. We would rather not get anything than those things. It's feels like an insult.

As she left she puffed with pride and said "No one is ever disappointed when I shop from my house" Then she took her Fendi bag and left.
Blah blah blah.

First of all, can I say that my dog is extra freaking cute right now? He's laying on my bed, all comy and relaxed.

His coat is driving me nuts. I have hand stripped the top part pretty much completely, and he's got a nice new coat coming in. With cairns, you have to hand strip them. That means, in case you didn't know, YANK OUT THE HAIR BY HAND. It sucks. Yes you read that correctly. I usually bunch up his fur,skin and meat, and pull the stuff that's dead. It's the stuff a normal dog would shed, but because I can't allow myself to HAVE AN EASY LIFE, I got a dog that needs to have those hairs ripped out. But, since I don't have hours upon hours a day to sit and rip out hairs from my dog, I only mananged to get the top part done.

The dog brings me crazy joy people. He's bad as all get out. He peed on my floor probably a hundred times today. He's the loudest little fucker on the planet, but his signal to let me know he needs to go out? Sitting or standing by the door quietly. If I'm upstairs, he will not come get me, he just stands there quietly, then pees if no one notices him. But, if a piece of dog food is floating in his water dish, he'll barkbarkbarkbark to warn us of the impending danger of AHHH FLOATING KIBBLE!! At my mom's over Christmas break his nemesis was the shed (nemesis is Jonny's new word. What's Jonny's nemesis? He says pineapple) first he didn't like it because he has issues with tall flat things. It's totally weird. We found out this little tidbit when the kids were playing with a top to a rubbermaid bin. Then my dad pulled his little scooter and that just tore if for him. Not ONLY did the shed have the audacity to be tall and flat, but it also housed a loud thing with wheels? Awwww HELLS NAW Louie don't play dat. So, everyone time he went outside to pee, which is literally every twenty minutes, he would run and barkbarkbark at the shed until I went out there and chased him around to get him to come inside.

Today, Aislinn got sent home from school for being sick. First time ever and pretty frantic and borderling traumatic.

1. I totally brain farted and forgot to give the school our new number. We did it right before Xmas break, and everything was kinda hectic. So, I get a call at 11, she had been in the Nurse's office since like 9:30. They had to contact a kid from schools mom who had my number because she cat sitted for me (and totally went through my shit).

2. I went outside and it had been raining. My cars BOTH of them, sometimes, ok all the time, give me problems when it's been raining. It took me thirty minutes of trying before I got one of them started. Of course it was the CAR, which was in FRONT of my van. Luckily, the neighbors weren';t home to see me drive on their lawn.

I walked in, and NurseyPoo looked at me like I was scum. Treated me like it too. What kind of mother doesn't inform the school of a number change, THEN has the balls to come strolling in an hour after the phone call? I just hate that feeling of being judged. It bothers me more than I care to admit, and it's something that will probably stick with this woman for a long time. Not to mention the fact that Aislinn looks like a scrub on a daily basis, and I can't even get my child when she's sick AND my car wouldn't start? That's just a recipe for welfare family in her book you know?

I think I need to seriously think about getting a new vehicle. Not that there is anything wrong per se with ours, other than the whole won't start when it rains and oh yeah in VA? IT RAINS A LOT. Sure I would love a new mini van, but you know I kinda dig my granny van a lot. Not enough to say... get a newer version of it, but I like having the granny van when everyone else is driving a newer mini van. I like the "Fuck you and your car payment" feeling of superiority I get while driving it. Why? Because I have issues, and if you've read this blog for awhile, you know I'm not lying about that.

Monday, January 5, 2009

My Christmas of extreme AWESOMENESS

Well, maybe that title was a bit over the top, but considering I had to drive 900 miles with two kids and a puppy to sleep on a tiny twin bed while my husband is overseas, my Christmas vacation was pretty exceptional.

Louie did really well. He didn't bark once on the ride there. He was too busy being morose and barfing. Poor dog. He's pretty tough, but a big ole wuss when it comes to car riding. I was pretty sure that by the second hour of our trip, I was going to convince myself not to leave him on teh side of the road. On the way back he started to bark about three blocks from our house. It was like he knew we were going home, and that the cat needed to be dragged by her ear around the house.

Jonny told me while we were gone that he enjoys to bite the cat's ear. Leah isn't much of a vocalizer and this disappoints him. He bites her ear so that she will meow. When we got home, and I was holding the cat, he looked at me with an intense burning in his eyes and said "I REALLY want to bite her ear right now." The sad thing is... I totally get that. Don't we get that way with our pets and shit sometimes our kids. That intense need to do something so gross/weird and we can't help it? He bit her ear and I saw how HARD he was bitting (honestly I thought he was like nipping her) and I was like "Whoa! Next step is like serial killer there buddy. Don't do that again." He was disappointed, and I'm sure he still bites her ears when I'm not there.

Aislinn got sent home today for being sick and barfing. Poor girl. The school had to hunt me down as I forgot to give them the new number. I won't be winning mom of the year awards any time soon.

I partially unpacked my van, and I still have things.. just things in there. Then I take the things and put the things in my dining room. So now my dining room is just fullof things, and honetly I don't know where all the things will go. I think I'll just take a nap instead of dealing with it.