I haven't had much to write about since my days feel like I'm in that movie Groundhog Day. I get up, and do what I did yesterday all over again. Not much changes, not much happens.

I finally got Jonathan into school. He was really ready and I'm glad I waited until now. I think if I had put him in school in September it wouldn't have been as easy as it was now. Yesterday was supposed to be the first day, but because it was supposed to snow, everyone canceled school. For snow that was SUPPOSED to come later in the day.. maybe. Yes, you read that correctly. MIGHT come later on in the day, but none at that the moment we're cancelling schools. Of course, we didn't see a single snowflake all day yesterday. Being from St. Louis, it never occured to me that the chance of snow was enough to cancel school. We got up, got dressed, and got Aisy out the door. She comes back ten minutes later and told me a parent saw her and told her school was closed. We didn't hear the phone ringing this morning to let us know.

Anyway, all that to say TODAY was Jonny's first day. He did great. Got dressed, ate his breakfast, waited with baited breath until it was time to leave. We get there, he does what he's supposed to do, walks into the classroom, gives me a kiss and a hug and I start to walk out. Right as I open the door I hear "NOOOOOOOOOO" and I look behind me and he's bawling his eyes out, runnning toward me with arms outstretched. He trips and falls, and then crawls out the door with me. It was quite a pitiful sight. I took his hand and pulled him, nearly dragged him, to the classroom, telling him calmly that everyone goes to school at some point, and he's a big boy now, and is ready to learn. The teacher takes over and I march out. I'm not one to sit and soothe. I think it makes it harder for the teacher and for everyone all round. I knew once the kids got there and the day started he would feel better. I got a call later to say he cried for a few minutes but then was fine and told the teacher that he liked it there. What a relief it was to hear that.

I said it was easier on him to do it now, and he still got upset. But, trying to imagine his reaction if I had done it in September, it would have been much worse. I would suspect that I would have gotten a call not to say he was ok, but a call to say "um you need to come and get him, he's still hysterical."

I also made an appointment for Aislinn. The teacher says she is still struggling with trying to focus. I can not deny it much anymore, I need to get her evaluated. She has an appointment tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for all of us that she can get some help. The teacher said she's an amazing student, willing to learn and smart, but her lack of focus is hurting her right now.

I misss Tony like crazy. It's really been bringing me down. Then I think that he'll be gone again next year at this time, and I can't help but to think... what the fuck is he doing to us and our family and our marriage? I know that sounds unfair, but I can't help but wonder how he can see this half a year seperation as something that we can deal with. On other ships, deployments are stretched out. It may be another 18 months after you get back before you have to go again, but this job it's a yearly thing since there is no ship to be repaired and prepared for deployment. Every November-December they pack up and leave. Why does MY husband want THIS job? Being in the Navy? Why does he think being gone from his family for half the year in an acceptable way to live life?

As you can see.. I've been a bit bitter about it for awhile.