Thursday, August 30, 2007

I've been sick, and I HATE being sick. I guess no one likes it though do they?

I assume summer cold. It's kind of tricky as I can go through short spurts of feeling ok, and then BAM not feeling so hot. I've spent the last two days on the couch with the occasional house cleaning here and there, just to get things moving. You know how it is, you skip one day, and then it's like a Britney Spears moved in. There's crushed chips on the floor, you some how got dog poop on a designer gown, and you don't have a dog, or a designer gown for that matter. There are flies everywhere since you haven't been the usual diligent mom and kept the kids from leaving the sliding glass door open.

So, that's been me. Sniffling, snorking, coughing, hacking, moaning, and popping Advil every few hours to keep the body aches at bay.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Finally, the God awful heat wave broke, and we spent all day outside. The grass desperately needed to be cut. Tony went out there to do it, and I swear that man, I know it's not his fault, but he just won't DO it, and by "it" I mean anything. He goes out there, smokes a few cigarettes, drinks a beer. Pulls the lawnmower out of the shed. Smokes a few more, takes a few more sips, puts the gas in. It goes on like this all day. Although I realize that out in the sun, it's hot and that he needs to take the OCCASIONAL break, but he gets down right ridiculous. Also, he then bitches about how long it takes him.

I went out there to chat with him as he had done half the backyard and was on another "break" You'd think we lived on a farm or something. I fired up the lawnmower to see if I could do it. Well I could. Then I decided to push it to see if it was hard, and it wasn't. So, I went inside, put my shoes and a hat on, and I did the rest of the backyard, while he weedwhacked, because the weedwhacker is NOT my friend. I hate that thing. So I pushed the lawnmower, lost in a zen like trance, watching the grass in front of me turn into crisp clean lines behind me. The plus to this, other than the zen, was that since I was working, it meant Tony would work. He wouldn't let me do the front yard though. I think he didn't want people to think he was some bum that made his wife cut the grass, and heaven forbid if my DAD were to drive by. My dad was pretty easy going with letting us do manual labor if it meant he didn't have to, but one thing he would NEVER let us do, was cut the grass. He said that a woman shouldn't HAVE to EVER cut the grass if a man is around. What's funny, is that the one thing he never MADE me do, I liked!

Tony ended up schnockered by the evening. Insisting that he grill up some chicken and sausage for us becuase I think he just wanted to burn somehting, and burn he did. He had rendered both chicken and sausage practically inedible. Me and the kids had cereal for dinner. He took a short nap to sleep it off before he had to get to his homework, which meant he was up until 3 am, unable to sleep, since he napped at 8.

I love watching the kids play outside. Jonny just running around like he's crazy, Aislinn, more subdued in her play spent hours playing with a stick she said was her baby dinosaur. THIS is why we don't have toys here at our house. Why bother when your kids would rather play with STICKS right? Not a problem here except when other kids are around, and other kids? They don't think sticks are fun. When other kids are around we get a lot of "You don't have a lot of toys here" Yeah, you're right we don't. We're lucky that way. We used to spend a small fortune on Aislinn, getting her toys and boy howdy did she have toys. But, watching her choose a McDonalds Happy Meal toy over the mini Toy R Us she had in her room, convinced me that hey, you know what? Fuck it. She likes sticks, and Nintendo. Yay for my wallet.

So, now I'm sitting outside, feeling the cool breeze waft over my deck, sitting in the last patch of shade that the morning will allow before the sun moves and covers our deck with blazing sunlight. That's when I'll go inside and get started on my day. For right now though, I'm relishing the shade and life. With the heat wave went my sadness, my crabbiness, my depression. It's almost September, and I can feel myself feeling better. Righting myself mentally and emotionally. I realize with each summer, I will feel that depression even on meds. I'll want to only curl up, and not deal with life in general. I accept that now. Considering before what a mess I was all year round, with summer being the WORST, having eight long months to feel good is a blessing.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

My big goals for the day...

1.Pick up and sweep the kitchen.
2.Vacuum millions of peanuts off my kitchen floor (note to self, no matter how much kids love it, no more fucking trailmix.)
3.Get highest daily score on Webkinz game of the day.
4.Go to EB games, and buy the stupid Nintendo DS game I want, and stop worrying about spending $30 becuase I am WORTH it damn it!
5.Go to Aldi's and buy craptastic frozen pizza to feed my family for dinner.

So, as you can see, my goal today is to be a big SLACKER,and I'm ok with that.

Having the two extra kids here means I have to keep my house up constantly. One, becuase having two extra kids here, means double the mess, and two, I don't want them going to their mom and telling her we live in squalor. But, fuck man, it's TOUGH.

I have PMS so the the only thing on my mind the last two days have been SLEEP and FOOD. Before this babysitting gig, the week of PMS consisted of me falling asleep on the couch for a few hours in the afternoon, becuase I was so wiped out But I can't do that. I don't mind putting my own kids in jeopardy, but not some one elses. Go figure. So, I just focus on staying awakle until six, getting dinner cooked, homework done, and kids in bed. But I usually have to rely on coffee to stay awake, so by bedtime I'm all jittery and unable to sleep. I stay up until two am, get about five or six hours of sleep and start the whole fucked up process again.

On anotehr note, Jonny has impetigo. It's really rather gross looking. Got him some meds and he should be on his way of being on teh mend. He got a haircut yesteday and even let them use the clippers on him. He did great, and I'm proud of him. Finally his hair is shorter, so maybe he can go like a month instead of two weeks with needing a hair cut.

Monday, August 20, 2007

After the letter....

Things have taken a DRASTIC turn. It was like Poof we're right again. I guess he really DID need the kick in the butt.

After he came home, he apologized, said when he read the letter, he realized how much he had been neglecting our relationship. He has tried really hard to be a good husband to me. Granted it's only been a few days, but these last few days have been great. We've talked, watched movies, joked around, had sex. It's been nice! I even got a sexy letter from him yesterday. WOW I don't know when the last time I got one of those.

So, things are good here.

On another note, I can't wait until the colder weather starts coming around. I miss my oven. I try so hard not to turn it on, becuase the house is hot enough as it is, but today I got to thinking about how great it feels to come in from the cold, and the oven is on, and the kitchen is just so warm. I am really in my element in the cold, and I just feel so much more alive. I love the feel of the wind whipping my hair around, and the sting on my cheeks from the chill, tightening the skin on my face. The way the air SMELLS is even great.

Hurry up fall, I need you!

Friday, August 17, 2007

It's the little things that make you happy.

Since staying home, I got out of the habit of wearing a watch. I guess, really I don't NEED to wear a watch, but it's handy to have so I know when I need to get scootin' so I don't miss free nachos on Webkinz, er, I mean, um.. so I don't miss Quantum Physics today, yeah that's it.

But, of course with me, buying a watch isn't as simple as buying a watch. Nothing ever looks good, or is worth the money, or looks too cheap, or too flashy. I was still in the habit of looking at silvertone watches, because when I worked silvertone looks good with everything. Adds a touch of class to the run down decor of the hotels I worked in. People would see my watch and think "WOw! Fossil! This is a fancy place!"

I got reminiscing about the watch I had when I was a teen. It was plastic with all these rubber faces and bands. You could switch out the faces and bands for an endless cornicopia of watches. Me being the big nerd, I usually only wore solid colored bands, but if I was feeling extra rebelious, I would wear DIFFERENT colored bands!! That'll show you Catholic school nuns!! You may make me wear this stupid plaid vest but I'm going to wear one green band and one purple. IN YOUR FACE!!

I got to thinking, I wonder if they still make stuff like that. Lo and behold, they still do! So I got one. It's not rubber, but it's fifteen different colored ribbon bands. Everyday, I get to wear my mood on my wrist. First thing I do is put on my watch, after changing the color of course. Today I'm wearing safety cone orange? And do you know what it is saying to the world? Proceed with caution bitches, this is one bad ass MF'er coming your way.

Oooh gotta go, free Wacky Bingoz ballz on Webkinz!!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Using the gift God gave me....

Yesterday, Tony and seemed to hash things over the golf. We got along well last night, even if we didn't speak much. But, that's been our life for the last few months. Hardly speaking. Him tired from work and school, me tired with dealing with kids and TRYING to keep some sempblance of order in this house.

Last night, he brought up a dinner he had mentioned about a month ago. It's a dinner for families of the recruiters. He asked me if I remembered he'd be late tonight. I said "No, why?" He brought up the dinner, and said "Would you like to go" I volunteered for a neighbor to keep her two kids after school, and I would be unable to make it, as the dinner starts at 6 and is an hour away, and she picks her kids up at 5:45. I asked why he didn't remind me, and he just kind of shrugged it off, and just said he TOLD me about it.

He went off to do his work stuff. He has a big inspection today, and had to hem some pants and do a few things. I brewed some coffee to sit up, like I always do, waiting for him to go to bed. I always try to go to bed when he does. 12:30 rolled around, and we finally laid down to sleep.

While laying there, we chatted briefly, about nothing special, and then I said "I was hoping to spend some time with you tonight" when I could tell chatting and having pillow talk wasn't on his mind. He just said "I'm trying to go to sleep since I have to get up soon"

Well, there I was hopped up on caffeine, feeling so very much alone. Listening to his soft snores just really upset me, and I got to thinking about the direction of our lives and how this all came about. Around 2 I got out of bed, got dressed, and sat down to write out how I felt.

This is what I came up with:


Tonight, I waited up for you, like I do everynight. I wait around for you to finish up the stuff you have to get done every night. I don't know why I do this, but I just feel bad when you have to stay up so late for homework, or work, or whatever.

So, I stay up, hoping to have a few minutes of quiet time with you. The last couple of months, have been rough on me. Your time is slowly being whittled away, minute by minute. I try to be understanding, as I know the majority of it is not your fault. With each minute that gets whittled away, it seems like a piece of you gets taken too. You just have nothing left for me it seems. I've tried to roll with this the best I can, but lately it all seems too much.

Saturday, the kids were gone and we hardly spoke once we got home from dinner. You were up until midnight doing homework, while I waited. The last few Saturdays the kids have been gone have been this way. You said you wanted to have sex, but yet nothing in your demeanor or actions or even your words let me know that was the plan. You never vocalize your wants, but are alway quick to throw them at me when we argue. That's not fair.

The truth is... I feel ignored and upappreciated. Honestly, I don't know what you can do or say to make this better, and if I did know, telling you would defeat the purpose I think. I know that when you get home from work, I am not the most loving person. I'm tired too. I know you think that me staying home is easy, when you come home, the house is always a mess and stuff. But, it's hard. I have no social interaction during the day except with kids. It's hard taking them anywhere becuase they act up, espeically when together. Everything I do, is with at least one child attatched at my hip. I'm usually aggravated to the bone with those two, and just worn out from the stuff I can get done by the time you get home. In the evening, yes I am on the computer, chatting with my friends. When you think about it though, that's the only socialization I get. I talk to them probably even more than I talk to you. Which when you think about it, is really sad.

I used to try to show you love and affection, to be your soft place to fall from a hard day at work. It used to work in getting some affection back, but it seemed like over time, you just started taking and not giving. Then I stopped, and we're just like two ships passing in the night, with hardly a word, except in annoyance.

I'm not laying the blame all at your feet. I know that I'm to blame as well. I just no longer feel like the beautiful most loved woman you used to make me feel like. I feel that in the big scheme of things, I'm last on the list of things that need tending to. One more thing you have to "do" to keep your world turning.

It really hurt me that you forgot to tell me about this dinner. It really did. I don't know why you would do that to me. I'm sure you'll say it wasn't intentional, and I'm sure it wasn't, but it just goes to show, in my opinion, how little you think of me in these last few months, how little you see me as your partner in life and in love, as your equal. I can not express the hurt I felt. I went through the whole range of reasons why... is it because he's ashamed of me? Is it because he doesn't like me much anymore? What did I do wrong?

I hate to bring all this up during our "mending" process from the huge blow out we recently had. I realize that marriage is not all wine and roses, and lovey dovey snuggle time. I know we have to have rough times to help us recognize and appreciate the good times, but it just seems like the good times.... well, they're getting fewer and farther in between the rough.

I layed there, listening to you sleep, and all I felt was alone. Once again, I stayed up, waiting for you, and you weren't there for me. More and more nights, you fall asleep, exhausted from your day, and rightly so I might add, only to leave me in the dark, pondering what it is that is going on with us. Maybe I am just reading more into something that is really quite simple. Who knows, but you don't lay there night after night feeling what I feel. Which is that my husband no longer loves, cares or appreciates me. I even told you before you fell asleep that I wanted to spend time with you, and your response was "I'm trying to sleep, since I have to get up soon" Even me TELLING you isn't good enough anymore.

I don't know what this letter is going to do. If you'll be mad, or upset, or if it will be the boost you need to tell me that Hey you know what? I DON'T love you anymore. I don't know what to tell you to make it better either.

I just want you to know I'm HERE Tony. I've been here through it all, through the seperations and the moving, and the long hours, and the school. I always have been, and every night I WILL try to stay up with you, to let you know that I am here for you. I just need you to SEE me. See me Tony. I am here. Love me like you once did. Please. Without your love, I am nothing.

Love your wife

I took the note, and stuffed it on the pocket of his uniform pants, that he had hung so neatly by the door. And ironic symbol of our life actually. The uniform so neat, freshly laundered and pressed. If you knew Tony, you'd know that's the only thing he keeps with care. His uniform, his job, his work record. Whereas anything else gets thrown on the floor with little care of where it lands. His civilian clothes, his marriage, his civilian life. It's like the only thing he can focus on is the Navy.

I knew he wouldn't put the uniform on until he got to work, and since he was leaving early, I wouldn't see him, and have the urge to tell him to check his pockets. Iw as awake even though I had been up until almost four with thoughts running through my head. He came and gave me a quick peck, said goodbye, and I mumbled "I love you" like I was still asleep, and no response. That hurt. He trailed his fingers down my back, and left.

I've waited all day by the phone, willing the phone to ring, to see if he got my letter. He hasn't called yet.

The doorbell rang, and there was a man standing there with flowers, roses actually. I'll admit I felt a thrill seeing those in his hands, known they were for me. The card said "I'm sorry for being so neglectful, I do love you"

I decided to read my letter again, since I pretty much dashed it out, and stuffed it in his pocket. I re read it, and I surprised myself with how much emotion I had put into the letter. I am also a little embarrassed that at the end I practically pleaded to be loved. But, that's how I feel so, I guess I shouldn't be ashamed. I guess we sometimes have to sacrifice our pride to get it all out there.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

So, you know Tony and I are tiptoeing through the house, not speaking to each other. He wants to take the route of "I'll just ignore it and it will all go away" Me with my vagina and ovaries, me I want SATISFACTION damn it. I want weeping and garment wrentching, and litanies of I'm sorry, and I'm a dick, I know this! I don't deserve you! thrown at my feet. With flowers, and a Build a Bear would be nice. I won't get this, and eventually, life will get in the way, and we'll start speaking to each other eventually. We're both pretty stuck in "I'm right, you're an ass" mode right now, so it may be awhile.

I just don't get it when a guy says "It should take three hours... MAX" that the countdown begins WHEN YOU LEAVE THE FUCKING HOUSE! Not when you get to your friends house, have a few beers, scratch your balls, take a dump, set your farts on fire and THEN leave. No, you tell me three hours max, you're ass better be home, three hours after your feet leave the threshold of THIS house.

It got pretty ugly here. He thinks I'm mad becuase he went. Not so. The truth is, I want my husband to have free time, what irks me is that he is NEVER FUCKING ON TIME when he goes somewhere. Even if I say, "You know you'll get home 2 hours late" He'll say "My word! Of course not! I would NEVER do that!! Why don't you trust me?" Then he strolls in four hours late, mad becuase I'm mad, and he's throwing phones, and calling me an asshole, I'm sleeping on the couch, with my hands under my butt so I don't claw his fool eyes out from their sockets.

Men always say this "I'm not a MIND reader" Ok, I get that. But, are they really SUCH simple creatures? Do they REALLY need it spelled out for them? And honestly, how much more could I have said that night when golf was brought up? "I would really like for you to stay home, and spend time together with the us, since we've seen so little of you, BUT if you feel you really want to play, well, ok"

Men just suck

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Sometimes I feel times haven't changed that much, especially for us stay at home moms. It's a choice we've all made, and we're lucky to have that choice in this day and age.

We're expected to cook, clean, care for kids, shuttle around the city, buy the groceries, pay the bills, and then be sex vixens at night. We're expected to be supportive of our husbands, and not complain too much since we don't do anything that brings in income. This is the "dream" we had as a couple before kids. I believed strongly in staying home with the kids when we chose to have them, and so did Tony. We both had moms that stayed home, and we thought we were better people for it. My life took a strong turn when my mom started to work again when I was 11. I got a lot more repsonsibility, and I swore that I would do whatever it took to not my kids feel like "mini parents"

When the time came for me to decide to stay home, Tony and I discussed the situation. I was afraid that he would take advantage of the situation. He swore he wouldn't. As time went on, he has and it bothers me. He was always a great husband and father. While worked at night, he stayed home with Aislinn, changing her diapers, feeding her dinner, and being there for her. That all kind of stopped when I stayed home, until finally, he became just another person for me to care for.

On one hand, I understand the situation. He works 12 plus hours a day at times, six days a week, plus going to school. When the time comes for him to have some alone time, he takes it. Yet, on the other hand, it bothers me. Just little things. Like always wanting to the kids to go to my SIL's house during the weekends. I hate that he sees them as nuisances. He claims he can't get shit done schoolwork wise when they're here. It bothers me that he can't see that they bother him for one reason only.... they miss him.

Last night he insisted the kids go to my SIL house. We've had a busted AC all day, and he was concerned about the heat. I knew that once we got home, the AC would be fine. (It froze during the night) He said "No, it won't" We come home, and lo and behold, it's fine. So, the kids went there for no reason. On the way home, he said he wanted to play golf today. I just got really quiet. He asked me what was wrong and I told him "Well, I thought we could spend some time as a family tomorrow, you know get a few things done, spend some time with the kids, hang out. It's been SUCH a stressful week with Shannon being in the hospital, and you working so much, I just want to be a family together for one day" He patted my leg and said "You're right, I should stay home and be a family together." Then I said "I understand where you';re coming from and if you feel you REALLY need to go then that's fine. It shouldn't be an all day thing right?" He assured me it should take 2-3 hours tops.

We decided to eat dinner out, and the whole time I kept just zoning out. Hurt over the fact that he chose to do something else today than be with us. He kept asking me what was wrong, and not wanting to ruin the hour we had together before he came home to do homework, I just smiled and shook it off. We came home, and I felt guilty over being home without the kids.

He did his homework, and came upstairs. I cleaned the kitchen and did a few things around the house. WE went to bed, and he got handsy, and I told him it was too hot to do anything.

He left today at one to go play, and it's about 6:30 now. So much for three hours huh?

My heart feels broken today. If I think about it to hard, I feel like crying. Aislinn starts school tomorrow, and he isn't here. The kids keep asking me where he is, when is he coming home, why did he leave, and what am I supposed to say?

So, I sit here, quietly cleaning the house, when he promised me he'd help me. I am cooking dinner. He's out hanging with his buddies.

I won't yell, I won't scream. I'll just kindly keep my legs closed tonight and tell him, just like I tell Aislinn, every choice comes with consdequences. You knew how I felt, and you chose not to hear me. End of story.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Hey you August. You know what? You can go fuck yourself with your high humidity and your 100+ degree weather. I am sick of you!! I am starting to feel better, and you're fucking with my shit man. Seriously.

September can't come soon enough so we can get relief from this heat. Although September CAN come soon enough, becuase it's one month closer to moving.

Yesterday, we had open house for Aislinn's school. Aislinn up to actually walking into the school was very "I hate school" but, once we got there, and she saw the hallways teeming with kids, and she said hello to all her old teachers, and seeing who was in her class she was excited. I don't know if she was excited enough to actually don tennis shoes, but I think we're close. If anything, Aislinn is a very social kid, and being around other people, people who have yet to hear about all the Pokemon she's captured, or what Lucy did all summer, well that is just to much to resist. School for her ins't about learning, it's just a big huge building full of people who HAVE to be her audience because they have to be there. Either by law, or for money to feed their kids.

It was very short and sweet. We stopped by her old kindy and first grade classes to say hello to those wonderful ladies who helped me through each year. One who patted my back while I cried over the frustration of having an child that was so.... Aislinn, the other who just thought Aislinn was too much and too cute, and the joy she seemed to show when Aislinn was around let me know that my kid wasn't a pariah with all her ticks and weirdies and questions. Aislinn is charming. She can make even the most strict disciplinarian feel bad for her, and actually try to help her with her ticks and weirdies.

Mrs. S her first grade teacher exclaimed "WOw you've gotten so TALL and sheesh so TAN" It wasn't until she said that, that I realized how tall Aislinn HAD gotten. I knew she was tan, because as I'm slathering spf 150, I'm cursing her for her tan skin. The child never gets burned unless she is out in the sun all day on the water. I avoid sun patches coming in the house like a vampire with insomnia, on the off chance I might get burned just passing through it. It was no mistake that one time Aislinn drew a picture of our house with one window. She is so used to everything being shut up tighter than Fort Knox.

Jonny said HE wanted to go to school, but that isn't happening unless he miraculously stops crapping in his underwear.

Tony had a root canal done yesterday.

I did a whole lot of nothing. It's sad when your major accomplishment for the day is to get over 50K on a game on Webkinz because of a fluke on the site. Whatever, I got 5k in Kinzcash, so I'm happy. Added a little kitchen to my house. All is well.

This morning I woke up "early" at 8:30. It'salmost ten and the kids are still asleep. This is not going to be good when school starts, on Monday. I just think I had an orgasm typing that!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

I've been putting off the blog for awhile. I don't know why. Mainly I usually only have negative things to write about and that gets boring after awhile.

I guess the big news is that on our way home from our camping trip we got a call saying my sister in law had been air evacuated from a car accident and taken to the hospital. Most of you that read this know the details, but for those that don't I'll go on.

This happened Sunday around five. She has a broken collar bone, broke pelvic bone, it is broken on both sides, broken ribs, fractured the ball at the end of her spine, air bubble in her lung, and staples in her head. Also her hip may be fractured, but they're not sure, if it is, it's really small and not that serious.

It has been an exhausting few days for all of us. I've been surprised with my response to all this. Shannon and I are sister in laws, but not really anything more than that. We used to be close, but life situations have kind of led us down different paths. When we get together, we always have a good time, but really we're not nearly as close as we once were and it doesn't seem to bother either of us. We love each other, and that's that. I've spent a lot of time up there, trying to help her the best I can. I just want to BE there for her. I don't know. Maybe it's the mom in me. Tony pointed out that I have spent more time up there than anyone else. I disagree, but I think he appreciates it. She says she has too. But, for me its not even about that you know? I just don't want her to be alone I guess. I wouldn'twant to be alone. Plus, the nurses and the doctors try to talk to her, and she can't remember anything. I don't want some vital piece of info to fall through the cracks because she can't remember. At first she needed constant care. She couldn't eat or drink on her own, because she could barely move, or stay awake long enough. She needed someone to wake her up, and force her to eat or drink, now that she has moved around, and gotten off the morphine she is more alert. Everyone has kind of backed off by now, and I feel bad for her. I don't know. Like I'm not going today and I wracked with guilt. I'm just TIRED you know? The kids have been shuttled to and fro, and I've been sitting in those uncomfortable chairs, eating crap food for three days now. I just need some rest. Yet I still feel bad.

In all this of course there is drama. Tony and Shannons mom. What a piece of shit she is. Bascially, she realized that she can't get any attention from this for herself anymore, so she has taken the role of "visitor" coming up for a short visit everyday. She makes me physically ill. Even the second day she was off all day, and chose to not come up there until four oclock for about two hours. She left the responsibility to the rest of us. Oh well, shannon doesn't want her up there anyway. So Ig uess it just works out. Karen just usually sits there bitching at Shannon about this that and the other thing, and sits in there with her vomitus benevolent smile on her face like she's the Sainted Mother or some shit. I literally want to stick a tongue depressor right in her eye when I see that smile. The smile says "Yes, I am the mother of a broken hurt child, come give me sympathy, I am being strong in the face of adversity for the hour and half I am up here, which mostly is spent outside smoking and talking shit about the other daughter who put me up when I had no place else to go"

Honestly, after this little episode which has a lot more to it than just the not giving a shit about Shannon, I wouldn't be surprised if all three kids just write her off. Even Gracie (the kids step mom who they all adore) who is very against writing family off, who think everyone has a bit of good in them, has agreed. Basically, she has chosen her cheating husband over her kids once again. Like she did when they first got together. She couldn't get enough of us when they split, but now that he is back in the picture (funny enough back in the picture after her first paycheck came in) she can't be bothered anymore. She is treating Denise and her household like crap, when they couldnt afford to take her in, but they did anyway.

So, today is a day for me. I'm going to do some light (very light) cleaning around here, it doesn't need much since we've been here to sleep and thats about it since our trip. I'm just going to veg out today. I do have to take Aislinn to get some school shoes, so I need all the energy I can get. Tonight is her open house to meet the teacher, so we'll go up there and take what we were able to FIND for her supply list. We couldn't find any pens, pencils or paper last night when we went shopping. I have laundry to do too.