an hour behind schedule...

That's the story of my life. Just waiting for the directions to print and get the kids loaded into the van. Got my big ole mug of coffee, shed a tear for my Keurig (I actually contemplated taking it with me and making coffee on the way with our plug in thingy) and kissed the kitty good-bye.

The kids are antsy. The dog hates his harness, and I'm ready to be around my loved ones.

Everyone have a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and all that jazz. Pray for me. 937 miles, two kids, one puppy, and a stop in WV.

Whoa it's been awhile. Geez when was the last time I even wrote in here? I'm pretty sure it was pissy and moany whatever it was.

I'm feeling better. Physically, I'm tired. That's for a few reasons, mainly that lovely, special time that women get once every 28 days or so. I had been super head achey the last week too. It would come and go, and I didn't know what it was. I put it together today. I've been getting withdrawals from carbs/sugar when I tried to go back to low carb. Once that dawned on me, and realized my body was rebelling, that was exactly what I needed to get in gear. Knowing that just after a DAY of not having sugar/carbs my body is so miserable makes me upset. So, today is day one! And also the hardest day because it's day two of that lovely, special time. I actually had to lay down and sleep around 4:30 today for awhile because my body was so run down. It wanted sugar and was laying it on thick. I didn't give in, just went to sleep. The kids were awesome about it.

I got most my Christmas shopping done. I just need to run out and get two things for two people, and wait for a delivery of another one. I wrapped some of the gifts today for family. I need to get the kids gifts wrapped soon too. I need to clean up, and get the van's oil changed, and packed. I can't believe it's already Christmas! I hope that the rest of the six month goes as quickly as these last two weeks have.

I'm here

Ugh. Well, life has been interesting since Tony has left. I've been super crabby and kinda mopey. It doesn't help that I have PMS as well. I'm trying to get back on track with my diet too. That's kinda hard when you're sad. When I'm sad I have a tendency to lose my appetite. I usually then go so long without eating I make myself sick, then when I do eat, it's whatever is lying around like Cheez-its. So, then I walk around feeling like I'm going to blurf everywhere, and the thought of food makes it worse. Because I'm having low blood sugar, I snap and get pissy. I get a headache, I feel lethargic and pissy. I know I said pissy twice. All I have to say is... feel really sorry for my childred. One day I realized at dinner time while I was walking around wondering why I was barfy that the only thing I ate all day was 2 hard boiled eggs and coffee.

Coffee... ugh. I've been running on caffeine for about a week now. Got a new Keurig, and it's so easy to make a hot fresh cuppa, that I do it quite often.

The garbage disposal is busted, my laptop is on the fritz, I have on week to get all my Xmas presents wrapped, packed and put in the van. I have to get myself and the kids ready for an extended trip.

Sigh.

One Week

One measly week and I'm already done. Right now I have my earphones on just so I can have QUIET. Funny isn't it? I have to put my headphones on so I don't have to hear fighting, whining and fucking Hannah Montana!

I decided to take the kids to see Madagascar 2. First of all, it was a big snit because one wanted to see Bolt, and one wanted to see M2. I went back and forth and decided I wanted to see M2 and so we did. At the last minute, Aislinn wanted to go to Cinema Cafe. I HATE this place. They cram about 100 people into a tiny theater, with these desk chairs. The food is horrible, the service is horrible, and you have to be really concious about not bumping your neighbor or being in the way of the person behind you etc. Plus the kids can't sit still in those fucking chairs. So, througout the whole movie my chair is being whacked by their chairs once going one way, once again on the way back. Back and forth on both sides. It's enough to make me scream. I finally told the kids we were NEVER going there again.

Ugh, I'm just grumpy.

Two days down

One day at a time right?

Yesterday, we changed our internet/phone providers. Thank GOD. We had Cox. I could go for the obvious joke right now about their name and them sucking themselves, but I won't. They were horrible. Our phone rang I would say a third of the time and it went on for a year. We made several calls and nothing was ever resolved. Near the end I found that if I made a call first thing in the morning, then that would sometimes, but not always, "reset" the phone and it would up the chance that the phone would ring the rest of the day.

What really makes me mad is that I thought it was maybe our phones, so I spent about a hundred dollars on new phones when we first moved here. Still, they wouldn't ring. If we were psychic and knew you were calling, then we could pick up and talk to you, but alas we're not mutants running with the X-men. We're just mere mortals. It actually gave me and Tony a complex as our phone would go a week without ringing before we realized it was a problem. We thought everyone hated us.

Nothing new or fabulous has happened. Oh wait I take that back! I got a new battery and cord for my laptop. It's now working again! It's been about a week. It's also nice to be free and not dependent on my power cord.

Soon it will be bed time, and we can cross yet another day off the calender. It just won't be the same until he comes back.

Cross one day off the calender

What a day it was.

Actually, it all started to fall apart last night. We all had excess emotions being flung all over the place. Jonny, who usually starts asking when bedtime is around 3 pm, would not go to sleep last night. Finally, when I ended up getting down and dirty with him, he burst into tears about missing his daddy. Then it was tears from both of them for hours after bedtime.

The dog freaked not having Tony here. He spent most the evening into the wee mornings pacing back and forth, growling at any noise he heard, real or imagined. He had seperation anxiety for the first time last night in his crate. I had to go and get him, bring him upstairs where he then fought for most the night with the cat. They were bouncing off the bed, Leah was biting my feet, Louie jumped on my face. I think I finally got to bed around five am.

The sucky thing was Tony was stuck in DC. Just so close! He coulda stayed another night. Oh well.

It does get easier each time

As sucky as that sounds, it is the truth.

Wait, sorry had to move a shit head DOG from in front of my monitor. Yes, I'm on the desktop and he climbed up on the couch, onto the desk, and stood in front of the monitor.

Anyway, like I was saying, it does get easier, but what doesn't get easier is the time before he leaves. Today was like being stuck in limbo. On one hand, you feel the need to be aware of the situation, but on the other hand, what are you supposed to do? Cry at his feet while he packs his bag? Plus, knowing Tony, it really is just better if you act normal. It hurts him to see us upset, so he'd rather us just play Wii if it makes us feel better, and he'll play PSP and we'll all drive to the airport and weep there.

Moving dog AGAIN. I swear he thinks he's a cat. As you can see, I won't be BORED while he's gone.

Then again, crying and whining and stomping around huffing "IS IT TIME TO GO YET?!?" will hurt Tony's feelings. I made the mistake of the telling the kids we'd get McDonalds for dinner on the way home. So for about four hours, Jonny stomped around pissy because we weren't LEAVING already. At first Tony thought it was cute, but the time we left, I think his feelings were hurt.

We all held it goether until we dropped him off and yes I wept like a baby. I even tried to jokingly say I hated him for leaving, then sobbed "No! No I don't! I'm sorry!!" It was quite pathetic. It makes it hard for Tony to leave when I'm distraught.

So, onward we go.

Date night

Tony and I went on a date last night. It was.... kinda lame. Seriously, but that's ok. Life right now for Tony and I? Well, it's lame and I'm ok with that. So, don't think I'm complaining.

We hadn't been on a date in a good long while. I want to say that maybe possibly we went on one when we were in St. Louis in August, but I don't think so and if we did, it was so unspectacular that I chose to block it from my mind.

The lady down the street said she'd watch the kids. We didn't want to be rude, so we dropped teh kids off at 4:30 and headed to the movie theater. We watched Role Models, which was hilarious. The two ladies behind us added to the hilarity because they talked to the screen the whole time. During a scary movie or a drama or a romance movie this is annoying, during a comedy it is most welcome. During a comedy, I want everyone to talk and laugh and have a good time. There were only about ten people in there, I thought we should all sit clustered together, sharing our popcorn and twizzlers, talking to the screen and laughing together.

Anyway, there was nothing great about the movie, but it was really, really funny if you like dick jokes and a foul mouth little kid obsessed with boobies. Oh and Paul Rudd. Need I say more ladies? Mmm hmm didn't think so. I heart Paul Rudd. Even with a dumb name like Paul Rudd, I'd let him do me.

After the movie we had mexican food. I don't particularly care for mexican, but Tony wanted it because it was something we can't eat with the kids, and like my friend Teri said, sometimes that's reason enough to do something.

Speaking of kids, they were both torn over date night. They really wanted to play with Bethany down the street, but they were also upset we were going to the movies. I told them we were going to see Madagascar which sent both of them into a snit. We calmed them down, but they still wanted to know why they couldn't come. We explained that there are some movies that we want to see that they can't see. Movies filled with bad words and probably real naked boobies. They were happy with that answer and Aislinn announced "Ew who wants to see boobies?" Aislinn have you MET your father? Sheesh.

Louie feels better. He's back to his old self. I don't know if us caring for him while he was sick did something to his attitude, but I must say the dog is downright loving. He was stand offish with us for awhile, only showing excitement when we came home, or in the morning after we woke up. But now he is choosing to stay by us, and is becoming more playful as the days go on. I just love his intelligient face and bright brown eyes. I love when he barks at a toy and wags his tail at the same time. I love his stumpy short legs. His legs were made for digging and his paws are broad and strong. He's a small dog, but he's a little powerhouse. He was built for digging in piles of rock and killing rats and things. He has a strong hunting instinct and his nose is always to the ground. He once wanted to smell something on the bottom of Aislinn's shoe and scratched and dug at the floor around her shoe to get to it.


We have one week left until Tony leaves. It really sucks, but I'm trying not to obsess or think about it too much so I don't ruin the time we have left. Six months people. That's a long ass time.

This week has been a tense week for me. Louie has been sick. He got his kennel cough vax on Sunday and by Monday night was coughing and by last night had progressed to not eating, shivering with smelly yellow snot running from his nose. He slept in bed with me and Tony with me waking every thirty minutes to make sure he was still alive. I got him up this morning to potty where he promptly peed and pooped and came back in and barely ate his food, even though I had added some of the freeze dried medallions and wetting them like he likes. Usually he will eat this all down in one sitting and then walk around with his fat puppy belly hanging low.

I got Aislinn off to school and after that Louie decided to chase the case. He lasted five minutes before he started to hack and cough. He napped while I waited for the vets office to open to see if they had anything available today. Of course they didn't and I have to take him in tomorrow.

Yet, in true "kid" fashion, after I have worked myself up enough to actually decide to take him to the Dr. he's fine. He woke up from his all day long doze peppy. His eyes are clear, he played with me outside, he ran after Jonny and didn't cough once. He came in allowed me to play wrastle and even fetched his squeaky star for me once before walking off in search of the cat. He found the cat and decided to terrorize her for a bit. Now he's walking around looking for toilet paper to chew.

I've never been one to take my children, or myself for that matter, to the Dr. right away, and the Dr. is free. I like to take a wait and see approach. So, you can see how I waited so long for the dog. I heard that some dogs get kennel cough after getting the vax for it. I just didn't know kennel cough was so scary! It was like the dog flu or something. I wish I could have given him Nyquil or something. Of course, after not being able to take the uncertainty anymore, after second guessing my wait and see attitude, I break and call the vet adn now I either cancel or pay to have them look at my healthy-ish dog and say "Give him a few more days.. that will be 1 billion dollars".

I grew up in a family that had outside dogs. You got a dog, you put him in your backyard. You fed it, you watered it, you cleaned up its poo, but you never really played with it or did anything with it. It was mainly there to disuade people from breaking in. So, this is all new territory for me.

I'm feeling a little better. I made myself get up and clean the floors and wipe the table down, just to get some movement going in my muscles. I love how easy it is to sweep and mop my floors. I got a microfiber mop and it works great. I was trying to listen to my new Ipod but of course whenever I put my earphones in, someone has to ask me something. That's how I got so far behind in music. The kids never really want to listen to music, and it's hard to be a mom when you can't hear you know? Then, when I want to listen to music, I usually want to hear something I know and can sing along with. My friend C cent me a $20 internet GC to Itunes and I decided to buy the Twilight soundtrack. I saw that it had two Paramore songs on there, and I've seen them here and there, and decided to get it. It's good and best of all NEW. I was getting sick of usual mix of Beyonce, Elvis, and Motley Crue.

Louie is sitting next to me sleeping. He has been down today. He had to get shots yesterday which he did well with, but I also had his nails clipped and that was traumatic for him. Poor baby. Louie ha now officially learned to fetch. This is monumental because this means he trusts us to give him his toy back, and issue we were working on for awhile. He still doesn't trust Jonny, but that is a legitimate concern. Jonny is still too young to get it. Louie does listen to Aislinn much better now. She can tell him to drop something and he will. He's doing great on walking on the leash. He mostly walks right next to me, looking up at me with eyes that say "Look how good I'm doing" I probably sound like an idiot as I tell him what a great boy he is pretty much the whole walk. When he comes back from the dog park it takes him awhile to get back into it though.


Potty training is going better. He's hasn't had a poop accident in a while, and he's letting us know more and more he has to go outside by sitting in front of the door. Unfortunately, if we don't see him, he just wanders off and pees. What's funny is he will scratch and bark when he wants to come IN but not when he wants to go out. The problem we have now is that he wants to go in and out constantly. I'm not complaining right now because I want him to know that if he wants out, we'll gladly let him out. But, it's starting to get old already.

Some pictures of our new floors:

New pics of Louie and Leah :

So, yesterday was my birthday, and it was nice. Tony always makes sure I have a nice day. I've been feeling very blah lately, and honestly it's because I've completely stopped eating the way I usually do. Junk food, fast food, sugar, bread. The whole nine yards. I've been sick and achy. That's not to say I wouldn't have caught a cold while eating the right way for me, but I don't think it would have stuck around this long. It's been almost two weeks.

Tony leaves soon, and I'm trying to not think about it, but I can't help it. It's coming in two short weeks.

I'm trying really hard not being a control freak, but Tony is really pissing me off with the dog. He won't LISTEN to me (Tony) and then does everything wrong to get the dog to listen to him. He actually gave the dog FOOD when he was barking in his crate. I was like "Yeah good way to get him to learn barking brings him a treat" for the rest of the dinner the barking was ampled up like crazy. Usually, Louie will bark for a few minutes and if we ignore him, he'll stop. I don't know WHAT posessed Tony to feed the dog.

When I tell the dog to sit, I tell him ONCE then I make him sit with my hand if I have to. Tony just says "sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit" and eventually, Louie gets tired of waiting for the food, and you know takes a rest, and then Tony gives him food because "Look he sat!".

What aggravates me the most is that Tony gets the most upset with the dog when he acts spazzy and doesn't listen. It's the same thing with the kids. He gets so angry that they don't listen to him, but he doesn't do anything to make them listen. He's a pushover that way I guess.

The clutter of my house is driving me nuts. Between having four people home all the time (Aislinn has had a lot of time off school recently due to report cards and Veterans day) and the projects there is just STUFF everywhere. Jonny antagonizes the animals so it's just like so noisy at all times. I haven't been a very nice person to be around today I'm sure.

Being a homeowner is so much fun! Who knew going to Home Depot could be so exciting?

We have wanted to do laminate flooring in the living room and dining room ever since we moved in. Of course, when we moved in, this wasn't our house. We always thought though that it would be really nice. When we bought it we said "let's do it". We assumed that laminate wood flooring would be an economical way to get a wood look without doing hardwood floors. Plus, it's more durable, more kid and pet friendly. We have friends who did hardword flooring and although beautiful, it seems like a pain. For one, they can't have a dog, and people who have dogs can't bring them over. I guess I won't really be visiting with them in December. The dogs nails can scratch their floors, the kids have to be careful with their toys, and well it just doesn't make for a very fun house. (Not that it was very fun before then either, but I digress)

We priced flooring and to our shock, it was going to cost us almost a 1,000 dollars! We were amazed. We were thinking literally, half that. We just had more floor to cover than we realized. Even the Home Depot "cheap stuff" that was clearanced or a lesser known company was around $800.

We had heard of a few places we may be able to get it cheaper, but we were kind of disheartened by it all. I mean, if HD had it clearanced at $1.47 a SQF, how much cheaper could it get? Plus the clearanced stuf was kind of ugly. Real light and plain looking and it just wasn't what I envisioned for our home. We decided to at least do the dining room (I hate eating our food over a carpet with kids! It just stays stained all the time) and save for the living room for when he got back.

On Friday we got a flyer for a place called Ollie's Bargain Outlet . Now, if you saw this paper advert, you wouldn't take it seriously. I didn't for a YEAR while I lived here. Every few months we'd get some flyer with Ollie on it, a cartoony looking grandpa figure with a buck tooth grin and a hawaiin print shirt. It adverstised the usual bargain stuff... mix matched sheets, discontinued toys etc. I never went there. Yet, this time, something told me to try it. They had laminate for NINETY SEVEN CENTS! a SQF! Wow.

We went there on Saturday, walked around, and took a gander at all the stuff. We didn't make a beeline for the laminate. I think Tony had the same attitude as I had, we didn't want to get too excited only to be sorely disappointed over a) the ad being too good to be true or b) if the laminated was that cheap it would really, really ugly. We perused the toys, the kids found some Nintendo themed wall stickers for their rooms (Aislinn has Pokemon on her side, Jonny Nintendogs on his) and we found some super cheap beef jerky.

We wandered over to the home section and were immediatley struck by their HUGE rug selection. I don't know if I'd be able to FIND a rug there I liked, but I would have fun trying. We saw where the laminate was and we took our sweet time to get there. When we got there, we were honestly and TRULY surprised!

The laminate was NICE! It even had a little bit of texture to it, it wasn't just flat. The color wasn't exactly what we were looking for, but we could definitely be ok with it for that price and when we got it home we realized it matched everything we already had perfectly, so it worked out well. We got all we needed and the underlayment for a bit over five hundred dollars for both rooms!

Tony has most of it done. He just needs to do the step (our living room is sunken by a foot) and the trim. We also plan on painting too. This is driving me nuts. The pictures I have all have a teal accent to to them. On the color wheel the "warm" complimentary color would be peach, and the cool a yellow. I was thinking of doing a gold, not yellow, but more orangy/brown/gold/honey. Actually honey is a good way to describe what I mean. Or doing a very dark brownish pink. I'll take pictures as soon as I find the camera somewhere in this mess!

You know I couldn't end this without talking about my Louie. He's doing good. He's letting us know more and more when he has to go to the bathroom by standing in front of the door. Whenever he stands by it, I let him out, even if he doesn't have to go just so he can know that if he stands by it, he'll get a response. It sucks though because if we don't notice him, he will just wander off and pee. In the morning I'm the only one who can take him out. If Tony takes him out, he won't go poop. Tony can sit out with him for twenty minutes and he'll hold it and then run upstairs to poop. I also think he hates having to go in his crate when he doesn't go. My thinking was... if he goes outside and doesn't pee or poop (when I think he should be pooping like after eating) then he goes in his crate. Tony and the kids think this is mean. But, I can't have him wandering around pooping in the house just because they think he should be free. I recently got a dog training book that said to do this very thing! It was good to see my instincts were right. When he poops or pees then he is free to run around. When it's time to go again, if he doesn't go then back in his crate he goes. He doesn't like it, but he doesn't fuss much anymore, only when we eat. He just now lays down and goes to sleep and is now sleeping in his crate at night. Another thing the book said was that when you get a new puppy home, one option is to sleep with him at night with him in your bed. This would be a good way to transition him. We did this too! When we made the transition from our bed to crate it was easy. The first night was whining for about five minutes and that was it. We noticed he wasn't interested in sleeping with us. He used to sleep between us or in my arms, and then moved to the bottom of the bed, then one night he jumped down and slept on the floor. That's when we put him in his "den" at night.

He's also learning to wait before going in and out of a door and drop it. I really love drop it since he runs off with just about everything he can get his puppy mouth on. There are some things he gets pissy about and a bit snappy over. It's hard having kids to deal with as they chase him around and try to yank things out of his mouth and don't give him anything in return or praise him for giving it up. He gets possesive of his things and can get aggressive. I'm working on him with this, and everytime he drops it, even if he growls at me and I have to pry it out, as soon as I have it in my hand I give him good boys and give him one of HIS toys or a treat. Today he ran off with Aisy's granola bar that fell out of her backpack. She immediately chased him making him run, and I just said in my stern voice "Drop it" and he did.

Also, today when I went out front I made him sit and wait, and when I came back from teh van he was STILL sitting there waiting for me! Having a dog feeds my controlling side I swear.

Leah, well she's a cat and even though she's sweet and snorgely she just does what a cat does, sleep and eat and poop. I swear this cat does NOT shed. Today, me and Tony ran our fingers through her roughly to see if we could pull out any hair, and none came out! It's awesome!

On Tuesday night I quit my playgroup. I'm sure everyone there thinks it's because of the election. What they don't realize is that the election and the political disagreements on the board for the group was just the icing on my departure cake. It was something I had toyed with for a very long time.

I tried to ignore things that were said that went against my core principles. At first I excused my staying with "I'm trying to be accepting of all people" or "That isn't how I feel, and they are allowed to say what they want". Yet I was leaving each meetup increasingly more uncomfortable when things were said like soy makes men gay, or that depression isn't "real", or the time the hostess was telling us a story about getting into a shouting match with a teenaged boy at the gas station and repeatedly called him the N word and laughed through the whole thing, and then finished the story with "I would NEVER use that word normally" Hmm just when a CHILD pisses you off. Gotcha. Or most recently calling an austic woman a retard when she made a ball call at a childs football game.

Ultimately though my loneliness won over my head. I LIKED being a part of a group. Mostly it was a good time. When the conversations stayed light and banal, I was able to push my uneasy feelings to the side. Near the end, there always seem to be those people that got soap box preachy when something would come up in normal conversation. It would be all finger waving and neck rolling about something they believed in, making the rest of the room feel uncomfortable and squirmy while they preached. Not even politcal stuff, just STUFF. I constantly felt like someone was trying to convince me to "switch sides" almost. I realized in my state of trying to be accepting of their ideals, they weren't being accepting of mine at all.

I knew I had to leave when Aislinn overheard me talking to Tony about what happened at a playgroup, where someone went all soap boxy. She said "Wow, that person seems all nice on the outside, but she seems not so nice on the inside. Why are you her friend?" I realized that she was right. How many times have I told Aislinn I would rather be lonely than be in a miserable friendship when she has come to me heartbroken over a tiff she's had with her friend? Yet, here I was taking crap from people just to get out of the house?

So, I left. I left right when Obama won the presidency.

Yes we can. Yes! I did!

Bad idea for today...

Using the FurMinator on your dog in the house.

Since Louie doesn't shed (and he really doesn't) you have to get rid of the "dead" hairs. His coat has been looking a little raggedy. I knew you weren't supposed to cut a Cairn's coat, but then what the hell do you do?

Thanks to Google I found out that a cairn should be stripped, the preferred method is by hand. This is where you pull your dogs hair out. I am NOT KIDDING. I gave it a little try while Louie was sleeping and he didn't seem hurt, but he did get up and move to the other end of the couch.

I figured the FurMinator would work and boy does it. I got SO much hair off the dog, and his coat looks smooth and clean. He liked it too.

I want to try it on Leah, but that will have to wait until it stops raining. Already I feel like I have little spiders on me from Louies hair.

Pets are awesome!

When Tony and I first moved in together, we had so many cats. Cats out the ass! They were our lives. We adored them. Then we got kids. Kids take up a lot of your time. You don't have time to train a dog or clean a litter box.

Now that my kids are older, I have time for pets again, and I can't express enough how much joy both Louie and Leah has brought into my life in such a short period of time. I get a little choked up thinking about it.

Animals aren't complex and that's what makes them so wonderful. When they love, they love fully. You know when they're mad. You always know where you stand with your pets. After having kids, I realized pets are like toddlers which is my favorite kid stage. They usually feel one emotion at a time and they show it with their whole soul. Nothing beats coming home from being gone and Louie going nuts to get to me and when I pick him up, he licks and can hardly contain his happiness, when I walk around and he has to be right by my side, or when Leah lays in my arms and sleeps.

I've been really blessed to find the two I found. For a terrier, Louie is calm, but he IS a terrier so he's spazzy. He and Jonny get into shenanigans constantly. Leah is just the most amazing cat. I've never heard her meow, growl, or hiss. Only purr. She lets Jonny carry her around all day. For a full grown cat, she is very passive and accepting, she loves snuggles. She and Louie hang out together, and she just goes and hides if he gets to be too much.

One day I swear I'll make an entry about something other than animals!

The one day adults like stickers!

I hope everyone exercised their right to vote yesterday, even if your party didn't win and you got your free coffee, doughnut, chick fil-a sandwhich and sex toy! Also, if you voted I hope you didn't have to wait a long time. Like an HOUR behind a man that smelled strongly of pee. Just sayin'.

Last night was exciting for Tony and I. I held it together pretty ok until I smelled Tony's cigar. He had one, and said he needed to figure out when to smoke it. I said "How about when Obama wins tonight?" and when he was announced he lit it up. For some reason that made me cry a bit. Also, Obama is proof that when a child says they want to be President, it CAN happen. Also, when Obama said the girls earned a puppy? Ugh tears!

In between the election results and chatting with my friends and leaving a playgroup that wasn't a good fit for me Tony and I spent a lot of time watching the cat and dog interact. Finally, Leah came out last night and is comfortable with being with the family. We also realized that Louie is pretty dumb. He won't go down the steps, but he'll climb th back of the couch, stand precariously on the banister that seperates the living room and dining room and then JUMP from it to get Leah. Idiot. But it made for a good laugh. He also eat crayons so when he poops he literally poops rainbows. It's a miracle!

Aislinn made honor role, which has me even MORE confused about the ADD thing. I still haven't gone forward with that.

Tony leaves soon and he's getting a little bit here and there done around the house.

If you had a friend who secluded herself from all her family and friends for weeks at a time, exercising for six plus hours a day, and eating less than 2k calories a day what would you think? I would think my friend needed serious help and was on her way to an eating disorder.

Yet, the people on the Biggest Loser do this for the whole world to see, and people tune in every week because they find it MOTIVATIONAL and INSPIRATIONAL.

I personally don;t get it.

Right now I'm sitting outside freezing my ass off because SOMEONE won't just pee already. Yesterday was an accident free day for Louie. There were times he couldn't hold it and peed as soon as he got outside on my patio, but I don't care. It wasn't INSIDE and that's a beautiful thing.

Usually when Tony wakes up he takes Louie out, then brings him back to bed with me. Then when I get up, he has to pee again. He didn't pee. We came back inside, got Aislinn off and he usually goes back out, but I was cold and distracted. I finally said off handedly "Hey Louie you gotta go potty" and kinda mosied in the general direction of the door but stopped. I just so happen to look over at him, and he's doing the circling that signals a poo is acomin'! I screamed "NO LOUIE" right as he was assuming the poo position. I grabbed him up and ran outside and plopped him in the grass, and he very casually walked to his poo spot and went. So, our no poo in the house ever streak remains intact! He's never not once poo'ed in the house.

Also, he is learning the "quiet" command and able to follow it more frequently, so the barking is much better. I'm not a nazi about it. If there is another dog barking or if the bird that likes to taunt him is taunting, I let him bark. If he's playing with the kids, have at it. It's the jags I can't take. Where he starts and can't stop. Right now his little birdy friend is calling but Louie isn't responding. The other day he was rocket dogging it around the yard when he accidently bumped into the swing set and it moved. He freaked out and barked and the only thing that made him shut it is when I brought him inside.

Yesterday, we carved pumpkins. It always sounds fun, but about half way through it just sucks. Luckily for me, Jonny just wanted a face, nothing fancy. So, I carved a face, while Tony and Aisy did more elaborate pumpkins using the patterns.

Of course, Tony does a kick ass job. He makes me ill. It took him a long time to decide if he wanted to do this pattern because he didn't even want to do pumpkins period. Jonny's face pumpkin. It took me two minutes to do standard triangle eyes, nose and mouth. So, I fancied it up. I went too far, and one of the upper teeth fell off. So, like Ren pointed out on Facebook.. it's a hillbilly pumpkin! The squiggles on the side is hair.

Aisy did a ghost holding a candleabra. It's really cute, and she did most of it herself, including scraping it out! I just poked the pattern on the pumpkin for her. She even carved extras like that pumpkin on the bottom and there is a star and moon on the sides and a face on the back.

I know most of you have already seen these, but SOME people, who shall remain nameless, can't get with the times and GET FACEBOOK already.

I swear I have other aspects of my life right now

Ok, well that's a lie. Honestly, when you're training a puppy, your life is the puppy. You have to think like the puppy, feel like the puppy, hump like the puppy. Wait. What?

Louie has started to hump to show his dominance. Usually, he just humps the kids, which they think is HIGH-larious. Little do they know they're just making life sucky for themselves.

Yesterday was a great day on the Louie front. I got to pick my friend Cindy's brain on some dog tips during a playgroup. I actually kinda forgot we had a dog, and left later than I had planned. I expected Louie to be covered in piss and shit as he doesn't get the whole "Dogs don't go where they sleep" thing. But, we got home, and he was quietly sitting in his crate pee free. We had actually done really well and was going on an accident free day until.. duh duh duuuuhhhh... we just HAD to go out and pick up our deluxe version of Guitar Hero 4. Yes, WITH drums. Of course, Tony and I totally got sucked into that. If you play video games, you know about nerdvana, where all time stands still. An hour feels like 10 minutes. While we played Louie peed THREE times on the carpet. I was so mad at ourselves.

Which brings me to another boring and uninteresting dog query. How in the HELL do you teach a dog to let you know when they want to go out? Looking back, I think Louies way of telling us he wants to go out was to pee on the floor. Just a bit to get our attention I think. Before when he would pee on the floor we'd take him out. So I wonder if that was his way of saying "Hey geeks who think they're ACTUALLY rocking out, I HAVE TO PEE DAMN IT"

Puppies are evil

Evil, evil little things!

I've never owned a puppy, and although I love my King Louie with all my heart, he is so very obnoxious. If he wasn't so effing cute, I'd staple a free puppy sign to his forehead and put him by the curb.

This marks one week we've had Louie. He started off scared and shy, sleeping to hide from the stimuli. Now, he's awake and a terror. He barks constantly, and not just to hear his voice but because he's afraid of every damn thing. Anything that is bigger than him sends him yapping. Anything that makes a different noise sends him into a tizzy. If a chair scrapes on the floor, if the tv makes a funny sound, if a bird squawks, if a butterfly flaps it's wings, if someone in Chesepeake sneezes, he flips out.

Everything I had read about puppies and potty training all said the same thing.. DO NOT GIVE THEM FREE RUN OF THE HOUSE. What? That's crazy talk! Why WOULDN'T the puppy get free reign? I mean, it's HIS house too. After endless puddles I've had to sop up, puddles that happen AFTER I've taken him out in the rain for twenty minutes, I've decided to crate it is. He's not in there all day. He goes in there to for about an hour or so, and then I take him out, let him pee, he eats, plays and pees again, then back in. Eventually his length OUT of the crate will increase until we don't have to crate him at all. We'll still keep it out as his home, and probably crate him while we're gone. Also, it's good for him when the kids won't leave him alone. This way he can sleep. This weekend the kids were all in his face, even when he slept. He got pretty cranky by evening time.

Today we had our first ever walkie. Since he's afraid of everything, this was kind of tough, but on the other hand he relished it. He had his nose into every nook and cranny I allowed him to sniff. He didn't bark once, and he did well on his leash. A little pulling but not too bad. I'm thinking maybe the barking is also stemming from not enough exercise and stimulation.

Puppies are a lot of work. I need a nap now.

What's the hardest part about training a puppy?

Training my family.

The puppy is easy, the family not so much.

I've always been a big believer in schedules with my human babies. I believe that to be the case with puppies too. At this point King Louie's spazzy terrier brain can't understand more than one concept at a time. The concept I want him to get through that fuzzy little head is simple. Outside is where you do yo bid'ness. When he gets older he'll be able to play outside with the kids and pee if he has to.

Yesterday and today I've had an on again off again migraine. Probably from weather changes and I think from the excessive amount of sugar I've been ingesting lately. I woke up this morning again with a migraine and because of Louie and constantly taking him out, I couldn't sleep it off. I called Tony and told him if he could come home as soon as possible I'd REALLY appreciate it. He was home by 3 and I was in bed and snoozing.

I get up at 8-ish to eat something and Tony tells me that they've had a grand old time with the puppy outside. That he even pooped outside. Great! From 8 until now though, Louie has tinkled on my carpet and NEW RUG at least five times.

My family fucked my shit up is what I'm trying to say. Now, whenever I take Louie out he wants to play, then will immediately walk inside and pee. Every time he pees inside, I get a little more frantic as I think that's one more time he thinks it's ok to pee in the house, one more spot to sniff when he feels the urge. I'm already watching him as close as possible without having to gate him off at this point.

Tomorrow we start again.

Life with Louie

We've had Louie the Cairn Terrier (pronouced CAR-IN, not CARN like I thought, funny enough my MIL is named Karen) for three days now, and each day he gets more and more comfortable with us. The first day I got barfed on in the van after driving around with him too much. The second day he pretty much slept the whole time, and yesterday we finally got to see some of his terrier personality. There was a lot of spazzy running and barking. I loved it! We're working hard to get him potty trained. We seem to be having less accidents each day. We decided to use the crate for now only while we're out of the house and when he wants to sit in it which is pretty much never. We left him alone yesterday for 2 hours for the first time and he did well. Started to tinkle when we came home out of excitement. He stopped himself and finished up outside. We finally pooed out in the grass last night and this morning. He does that adorable little scratching thing when he's done.

I've never really raised a puppy before and I've spent a lot of time googling things like "How many times a day should a puppy poop" and "Why does my puppy breathe fast while sleeping" and learning about things like a reverse sneeze, which when you don't know what it is and experience it for the first time is quite alarming. He is quite taken with Aislinn, and recognizes me as the pack leader. He's already tried to hump Jonny. I knew that was coming. Jonny is just little and a laid back little guy, so I knew he'd be the first to be "dominated". I stopped Louie right away and Jonny said "Heeeeyyy! I like it when he lays on me" I cracked up. If he only knew! Luckily Louie is new to humping and was doing it without actually touching Jonny with his junk.

With a terrier comes a stubborn streak (he shall fit in well with this family) and walking him on a leash is getting quite aggravating. He'll willingly follow Aislinn but if she's not there he just stubbornly sits. I plan on taking him out a little later today for a little stroll around the block with his harness and leash. I tried it last time with his collar and leash thinking it might be better, but he just choked himself continuously.

He is just an adorable little guy and I love him so much.

Ok. Everyone remain calm.

I'm going to hit you with a bomb, and I just want to prepare you.


Aislinn went to school today.... with a PONYTAIL.

Smelling salts! Someone get the smelling salts, we've got a fainter!

And.... are you ready?

It was HER idea, she was BEGGING ME to do it this morning. BEGGING! With "Aww why not mom?" and "But I WANT a ponytail" and "PLLLLEEEEAAASSSEEEE?!?!?"

It all started last night. She had been doing her homework for about three hours at this point (the teacher says it should take 30 minutes max) and getting frustrated with her hair. Her hair like mine, naturally falls foward, so anytime you lean forward to read or work you get a lot of hair in your face. She kept insisting she needed a haircut. Aislinn just got a haircut, and she only needs like one haircut a year since her hair grows so slowly. I asked her how she wanted it cut as there wasn't much hair left to cut. The style she suggested was a mullet. She pretty much wanted to cut off ALL the hair in the front, but keeping it long in the back, because then it wouldn't get in her eyes. Why this is an issue for her NOW is beyond me. So, I casually got some bobby pins, and showed her how she could pin her hair back to keep it from falling in her face. I told her that's why I keep my hair up all the time, because I don't like it in my face either.

She let me do that, and then later I caught her trying to make a ponytail. Again, casually showed her how to do it, trying to contain my excitement. She worried that it would look too poofy in the back. I made her hair how my sister used to wear hers to show her if Bobo could walk around with a Pebbles Flintstones type hairstyle in HIGH SCHOOL then Aisy should be fine with a ponytail. She said "Well I think I'll wear it this way tomorrow."

This morning I didn't mention it. I let her bring it up, and she said she'd only wear one if she could take it out if it was bothering her. I said "Well then there really is no point in doing a ponytail then, just don't worry about it, you don't HAVE to wear one" and walked away. I know her little mind was reeling. Huh? What's this now? My mom said no to a ponytail? WHat? I'm confused. She quickly added "But, I don't think I WILL take it out" and I just replied "Whatever, just get your stuff together, we won't worry about a ponytail today." That's when she started in with the BEGGING to wear a ponytail.

Reverse psychology! It worked!

It only took me EIGHT YEARS to figure her out, but I think I'm getting it.

Whooo.

I finally had people over socially. I've popped the cherry so to speak, and we've only been here what? A year? Geez. We've had like Navy guys over, but never females. I don't know, I am just socially awkward. But, I figured if we're going to BUY this house, we're going to have to start having people over soon.

Anyway, I invited my playgroup and we had a great time, even a new girl showed up with her teeny, tiny 2 month old. He slept the whole time snuggled up against his mommy's bosom. SHe had more patience than me because she held that baby for like four hours.

It was a lot of fun, and we all sat and talked, the kids had a blast. Jonny was so sweaty by the time they all left having two other boys and a girl here to play with. I couldn't believe how nervous I was at first. Like I was on my first date.

Whatsa happenin'?

I never have anything exciting going on in my life. Hmm excitement? Erm, yeah... hmm. Well, Ummmm. Oh! We broke the ten cache mark. We officially have found TWELVE caches. I thought this was pretty sweet, until I found out another lady on my message board is at 213. We started at pretty much the same time too.

What else? What else? Oh! We got a new lawn mower and a new rug. That's pretty freakin' sweet right? We had chinese buffet on Saturday? Come on guys, I'm trying.

No, seriously our weekend was good when you think of it from an old fogey got two kids kind of way. We kind of hung out on Saturday for the first half of the day so Aislinn could run amok in the hood with her friends. A church was holding a little "community day" at the park down the street complete with SKETCHES.

I went down there to make sure they weren't like those weirdo christians who think breathing air is a sin, but, all the ladies were wearing pants so I took that as a good sign. Some even wore makeup! One older guy had a ponytail! They were rebel christians. Even their skits didn't outright mention God. I admit I was scornful and giving Aislinn this whole speech about how you don't get nothing for free and was expecting them to start baptizing people in the creek at any moment, or passing out some mysterious Kool-aid.

Nope, they were just there to put their name out there for anyone who was looking for a home church. Very nice, very normal, not overly pushy. One guy was even kind of a dick, and that for some reason felt right to me. Like he was only there because the court ordered him to be, or worse yet, his wife made him go. Then on top of not wanting to waste his Saturday doing that crap, he had the added indignity of having to man the bounce house and he just couldn't hold his 'tude in check. I liked that. I am always leery of those Christians that are so in love with God they seem void of any other emotion other than blind happiness. Life is REAL and just cuz you love the Lord, doesn't mean you can't feel pissiness. That's why God gave us emotions.

After that we went to Mount Trashmore and did four caches and the Tony and Aislinn flew kites for a few hours after that. Those two are nutso for kites. It was the perfect day for kite flying. Aislinn's kite never fell out of the sky. Tony's did only because he had to go and get some fancy plane kite. We've had these kites for like a year and just now got around to flying them. I always feel weird when flying a kite like I'm going to let it go at any moment. It's unnerving and makes tummy twist and turn like I'm on a rollercoaster. You're basically holding onto a wildly flying piece of plastic by a tiny string.

And of course I has pictures... not cheezeburgers... pictures.



Tony digging for a cache that was stuck in a hole in a wall. I always say I love caching, and I do, but Tony usually ends up finding them only because he's not a spaz-o-tron like me who runs around like a puppy with ADD. Then I usually get pissy that he finds them. Out of four he found three.

Aislinn of course HAD to chase the geese, and Jonny does what she does. She wanted to "pet a goose with my stick" we informed her that was called "hitting a goose" She didn't agree.
Running up Mt. Trashmore, which yes is a big hill of solid waste with grass on it then dubbed a "park". Whatever, it's still a Mountain O' trash. I only took this picture for a chance to stop and catch my breath.
Getting the kites ready. What you didn't see is right after this shot, Jonny sniffed those fingers by his butt. This has become a gross habit of his.
Aislinn's Pokemon kite. Speaking of Pokemon, I officially started my Christmas shopping. I got Aisy those two characters that are on her kite. Palkia and Dialga. Last year we saw them in HUGE form, and have been unable to find them since. I found them yesterday at Toys R Us and snapped them up!
Aislinn flying her kite. She had so much fun. Later she met a little girl that was JUST like her. They spent many hours avoiding their brothers and flying their kites while lying on the grass and talking.
Tony flying his kite.
A shot of the big seal at Mt. Trashmore. Not a great picture, but I thought interesting.
Tony's fancy bi-plane kite that spent most of it's time crashing into the ground. I think it was made to give you that true WWI experience. They stood still for a second to let me take a pic. I love those shitheads. Notice Jonny and his Sears Catalog posing again.

It's so quiet here this morning. Jonny has been grounded from the Wii, so the television is off, and he's out in the backyard wearing a winter coat over his Spongebob pj's.

Got good news on the house. Everything us a go. We do need to close a few days earlier, so that's awesome. Today so far I have been looking at pictures for my walls. My walls are pretty bare. I found that I want! WANT!!11! as they would say in LOLspeak. Always my champagne tastes never fit my beer budget. For two prints framed... $250. Yeah. But, they are PERFECT for what I have in mind for my living room.

In case anyone is curious they're here. In a perfect world, I would get the two canvas stretched (I just like those better) for $339. I'm going to talk it over with Tony. I just can not stress enough how much I like these. It is VERY rare when I see something and go "Bam those are it" you know?

I also found a stretched canvas oil reproduction of Klimt's The Kiss on Ebay for under a hundred bucks. We're not talking print, this is an actual oil painting. I have always wanted one of those, not necessarily the oil painting version, but the print. I just love it and I think it would go well in my dining room, and the color scheme I am thinking about in there.

So, yeah that's my boring little house update. I'm very excited, but scared as well as we have fallen on hard times in this country. The VA has said we're good to go, well we're good to go as soon as a railing upstairs is fixed, which will be no big deal. The mortgage has passed the underwriters approval, just waiting around for the day to sign those papers. We decided as a celebration when we sign, we're going to take the kids to a local teppanyaki place where they cook the food right at your table. I think they will enjoy that.

Speaking of kids, this whole ADD thing is kind of driving me nuts. People are either really supportive or very vocal about the over medicating of our country's children. I guess that is to be expected right? I've been trying to provide Aislinn more protein for breakfast and you would think I'm trying to get her to eat baby kittens. Actually, at this point if she wanted to eat baby kittens, I'd probably let her just so she'd get more protein. I have to really think about what I'm going to do. Aislinn has two control issues in her life. Her clothes, which is getting better and her food. Aislinn used to be a good eater, but as she has gotten older her acceptable food list is about as long as her acceptable article of clothing list. She will eat chips, McDonalds, chicken wings, chicken fingers, cucumbers, cereal, toast, spaghetti, doughnuts, certain granola bars, cereal bars, ice cream. Dinner is hit or miss. If it has charring on the meat, she will sit there for an hour and wittle the pork chop down to nothing to get every single piece of burn off there. The other day she refused to eat her meatloaf because and I quote "It's in like a big chunk". Chunk was said in total disgust. Yesterday, I made a nice little breakfast shake for the kids. It was milk, carnation instant breakfast (chocolate, sugar free) frozen strawberries, whole milk yogurt. I was tempted to put in flax seed but I didn't. Trying to keep it simple. (off topic real fast. Can I just say I hate it when people refer to KISS as Keep it simple SWEETIE, instead of Keep it simple STUPID. Come on, everyone knows it's supposed to be STUPID not SWEETIE. I want to punch people when I hear sweetie. Anyhoo) They HATED it. I thought it was delicious! I drank both their shakes and had such a tummy ache from the milk, but I didn't care. It was amazing! They both suck.

I've had people suggest that maybe she should eat something non breakfast food types, and I was encouraged to "Think outside of the box" to which I responded "Aislinn is so far IN the box, she IS the box." I love how people assume I'm the problem. Hello? Low carber here? I mean, I have to think outside of the friggin' box on a daily basis. I had a shake yesterday made from eggs and raw spinach and people were like "Uh uh, no freaking way." Trust me I think outside of the food box. But, it would blow her little control freak mind if she were to eat say... a ham sandwhich for breakfast. Her world would spin off it's axis and float away into oblivion.

Another thing I'm trying to avoid with her is artificial coloring. Seriously people, it's in EVERYTHING. Like, she can drink water and have bread, but she can't have bread because she needs more protein and AAAAAAHHHHHH. You see what I'm dealing with here?

Today, I may go ahead and run to Trader Joe's and see if I can get any ideas from there. Sigh.

I found out that TriCare the military insurance covers gastric bypass. Not that I'm thinking about it or anything, I just found it kind of... well... weird. I mean, it kinda goes against the whole military thing with being fit. But, after being home alone with two kids for just a little over a week I TOTALLY get it now. I mean, I've done more eating off program here at home than ever (I ate off plan for vacation but vacation carbs don't count). It's all totally emotional eating too because honestly, I've not been THAT hungry.

Yesterday, it was granola bars, those super crunchy ones by Nature Valley? We went to Sam's and as you can imagine this was the least favorite sample spot. So much so, the lady was giving away full size samples if you picked up her little cup o'sample just to make her quota or whatever. The kids were all "Oooh granola bars" then they took a nibble, then stood there awkwardly holding these things and it was like I could totally see what they were thinking "I took it, it's healthy, I SHOULD eat it, but this is NOT what I expected. Oooh are those cream puffs over there? Maybe when mom isn't looking we can just discreetly dump these in the trash. It's going to be tough, because for some reason she keeps staring at them and drooling." This sample spot was my most favorite, as I LOVE those crunchy bars. Needless to say,I took their samples and then ate the other two packages later on in the day.

Then today, it's been Sun Chips. Oh.My.God. Those were always my favorite before and now they're off limits and I was ok until I caugh a whiff, and it's been several trips to the bag today for a handful here and there.

I worry about when Tony is gone for six months. Hopefully, not having him here will become routine and it won't affect me as much then. It is nice actually having a group of friends to hang out with a few times a week. That has made it much easier on me.

Wanna see inside a low carb fridge?

One of the biggest things that annoy me about people who do not understand the low carb lifestyle is the assumption that I live on meat, cheese and bacon and not much else. Oh God. If they only knew. Although, yes I DO eat those things, there can be days or weeks I can go without bacon, and cheese? I laugh. Cheese isn't something I eat a lot of unless it's cream cheese, and again, days or a week can go by without indulging in that.

Another thing I hear is "I can't believe in a diet that doesn't allow fruit." I eat fruit. I have strawberries, grapes, apples and pears. Granted I do not eat those a lot as they can cause my blood sugar to get wonky since I am diabetic. But, there are a lot of people out there that follow a low carb lifestyle that do. The trick is to not eat too much. There are lots of people who only eat fruit thinking it's "healthy". The fact of the matter is fruit is full of sugar, so if you eat 5 servings of fruit, you're not doing your body much good, then you add in other things you might have eaten that day, bread, low fat yogurt, milk, cereal, and well you got a recipe for disaster right there, and I can guarantee you will be much hungrier than I will have been eating my way. Also, if I eat fruit I eat it with protein and fat. Never just an apple, it's apple and peanut butter, grapes and cheese, strawberries and heavy cream. Helps stabilize the blood sugar, and keeps you feel satifsfied.

So without further ado.. here is my fridge:

As you can see, I have 39 eggs. Eggs are the perfect food. The whole bottom half of my fridge? Vegetables. I have green beans, broccoli, peppers, zucchini, squash, cabbage, spinach, iceberg lettuce, celery. Some apples for Aisy's lunch, oranges for snacks. Milk for the kids, heavy whipping cream, real mayo, butter, cream cheese, green goddess dressing, ranch. In the little lunch meat drawere we have some REAL american cheese, ham for Aisy's lunch, a package of bacon, some sausage. There are also some non low carb things, but those are mainly for the kids, or remnants that I am loathe to pitch. Like the Miracle Whip (I really missed that when I first started) and Aislinn's BBQ sauce. Regular ketchup, syrup, and the Yoplait yogurt.

Speaking of yogurt, you can see the big tub of Stoneyfields whole milk plain yogurt. I add some Splenda sweetened flavored syrups and add some flax seeds if I want to eat this for breakfast and I use it for my lunch shakes. It's got a luscious cream on the top. Heavenly. Here is something interesting I want to point out. My kids wanted "regular" yogurt. So I got them a few cartons of Yoplait original 99% fat free yogurt. I was shocked when I compared the labels:

Stoneyfield yogurt.... I serving size 8 oz Yoplait..... 1 serving size 6 oz

Calories per serving 170 for both yogurts.

S. Fat... 9g Y. Fat... 1.5g

S. Carbs 13g Y. Carbs 33g

S. Sugars 13g Y.Sugars 27g

S. Protein 9g Y. Protein 5g

Ok, I know you low fatters are like THE FAT! AHHH THE FAT! First of all, do you see the difference in serving sizes? You get MORE bang for your buck with the whole milk. You get half the sugar as well. Caloric intake? Same. You could eat 6 oz of the full fat, and feel more satisfied than with 6 oz of the "healthy" yogurt because of what? FAT!! It helps you feel full!

Let's look at ingredients. I have the yogurts RIGHT here and I'm typing from the cartons:

Yoplait.... cultured pasteurized grade a low fat milk, sugar (SUGAR is the second ingredient!) strawberries, modified corn starch, high fructose corn syrup, non fat milk, kosher gelatin, citric acid, tricalcium phosphate, natural flavor, pectin, colored with camine, vitamin A acetate, vitamin D3.

Stoneyfield Whole milk plain yogurt.... cultured pasteraurized organic whole milk, inulin, pectin, live cultures.

Granted, my yogurt is plain, but I have eaten it right of the carton with nothing, and it's so good. I can have whatever flavor I want using my sugar free syrups. I can add a scoop of cocoa for chocolate flavored. The point I'm trying to make is this though, it's best to eat it as close to it's natural form as you can. You go diddling with things, that's where you get in trouble. People are so scared of fat, but if it's good natural fats, you will feel satisfied and in turn eat less, I think overall.

But, this will only work if you eat low carb as well. If you are unable to give up things like bread and pasta, then by all means stick to low fat. High fat and high carbs is NOT good. You WILL gain weight.

Never in a million years would I think my fridge would have so many vegetables, things I WILL eat. Not just put in there for show. That big bottle of hot sauce was a joke for Tony. But, he makes me the most delicious wings with that.

Cream cheese. I make great things with it, like low carb muffins, or oopsie rolls. It's a staple for sure. The thing is, I have to buy a lot because the recipes I make call for a block, but I don't eat it all at once. You know? I am just looking at this pic and realized I have the low fat Philly in there! SEriously, I did not notice that when I bought it. Ugh.

Another plus to low carbing. Heavy whipping cream for my coffee. Kind of hard to get used to at first, now I can drink nothing else.

Ok, now here is where it gets ugly. My cabinets. This was right after a grocery shopping day. A MAJOR one as you can see. I have ramen noodles, Chef Boyardee chips, chocolate and natural granola bars. All that is for the kids or remnants from days gone by. I do have some protein powder, the chocolate is mine, I have a square or two on occasion. It's dark chocolate. Those granola bars are less in sugar than regular ones. Some Splenda is in there, fiber powder, tuna, peanut butter. Jonny asked for some Sun chips. They're still in the cabinet unopened. I have a can of something called Caffe D'vitta. Sugar free instant mocha cappucino that I don't really like, but will come in handy if I want something different. The kids LOVE mandarin oranges. HEre's a tip. Buy them in the asian/hispanic foolds aisle. About half the price!
Then YIKES.

Big ole tub of cheese balls. Those have been there for about a month now. I'm getting ready to pitch them. An old bag of tortilla chips that need to be pitched. Some old coffee I don't drink anymore, a box of cake mix that will be donated, doughnuts that are for the kids, two bags of chicharonnes,pretzels, and mini rice cakes for the kids. Under that is all the stuff I moved over there that I will donate later. This again was right after a grocery shopping excursion, so the cabinets are fuller than usual. I will say this though, I shopped on Wednesday, and those snacks? STill unopened. I take that as a good sign that my kids are slowly coming around. They still love their Chef Boyardee though.

So there you have it. For myself, I am doing well, and working toward getting my kids there. I am proud of the changes I have made for us all.

I'm wearing a pair of jorts (jean shorts) and usually I do not wear them in the house. Usually when I have to wear jeans or jorts, the kids get all excited because that means we're leaving the house. Then, when we come home, I usually take them right off and put on comfy pants. I actually have a "comfy pants" song that I sing as I take off the jorts/jeans and put the comfy pants on. Why do I have a song? Because I'm borderline window licker. My point of all this is that the aforementioned jorts are too big, so they fall below my fat line, which pushes all my fat up, and makes me feel like super fat, and that is not a good feeling. Yes, all that just to say hey I have a huge ass muffin top.

I took Aisy to her appointment for ADD which was very anti climatic. I was all prepared and nervous and we get there, we're handed a questionaire that I have to fill out and the teachers have to fill out. Then we make an appointment with a psychiatrist. So, here I was all like totally freaked out and ready for whatever may come our way, only to have more waiting and paperwork. That's fine. I ended up getting a good recomendation from my friend Veronica on a place to go near our house. This place does thorough testing, and has therapies as well. It's not like they just throw medicine at the problem.

I am trying to make some changes at home. I heard that food coloring can cause ADD like symptoms. Trying to cut out the high sugary carb filled breakfasts. This morning I made Aislinn a couple of eggs and she acted like I was trying to feed her boogers on toast.

Aislinn is really worried about if she has to take medicine. She says that God made her this way and we should accept that and not change it. I agree with her! Yet, I don't want her to have to suffer through school and slowly fall behind. As it is she's borderline. She doesn't suck enough to get extra help or be held back, so she just skates by and that's even worse. So each year she slowly falls more and more behind. I'm trying to do right by her, but she thinks I'm doing wrong by her and it's a tough position to be in.

What IS the answer? Is it ok to let my child be mediocre becuase that is the way she is, even though I know with all my heart she could be so much more? Or do I do whatever it takes to get her to be more than what she is now? Will she resent me for it later if I never get her the help? Will she resent me later for medicating her if it comes to that?

What do I do?

Every day I wait patiently (ok well, not so much) for the kids to go to bed, and I SWEAR I'm going to be in bed by 10:30, then I swear I'm going to be in bed by 11, then 12. Usually, by 1am I'm crawling into bed after loading the dishwasher.

For the last two nights I've had something weird happen. Usually, I'm a drop off to sleep right away kind of person. But, these last two nights I've laid there and not been able to fall asleep, despite the fact I'm really tired. Then, I feel the need to get up and check out my pimples and scar my face, and when I do get up, my heart pounds very hard, but not fast or anything. Almost as if it gets tight. Not painful. But, it just gives me that weird heart in throat kinda feeling. I feel borderline stressed? I don't know if that is the right word. Worried? Not panicked or freaked. I don't know. It's an odd feeling, especially since I wasn't thinking of anything stressful in particular. I know the need to get up and check my face is something I do when feeling stressed.

Money. I just wish I had a lot of it. Don't we all? Everything is so damn expensive. I try to keep the cost of groceries low, but it's not working as well as I'd like it to. Especially since I'm trying to go the whole foods route for us all. I used to go and get things like Hamburger Helper and mac and cheese when things got tight, but hell that's what got me like this in the first place. Even simple things are so expensive. The kids love spaghetti and I usually make them a small batch once a week, and I eat something else. A box of spaghetti noodles used to be like forty nine cents. Now it's a deal if I can get them for a buck. Eggs used to be under a dollar, now they're two dollars. The thing is, I'm lucky since I get to shop at the commisary. So you other non military peoples, I feel for you!

The shame of it all is yesterday I got coupons for Hardees, Pizza Hut, Papa Johns, Wendy's, Arby's, Old Country Buffet, and Dominoes. The hard times must be hitting the fast food places too. I don't think I've ever gotten so many coupons at once.

Well, I just had a snuggle break. Jonny came down, with his touseled hair and sleep swollen face and demanded I snuggle with him. As much as I love to do it, I hate it too because I always just want to lay there and sleep. I pretty much avoid my bedroom at all costs during the day so I won't lay down and sleep. It feels so good in there.

I am actually going to check out a Moms Day Out Program at a church near me. It's not so academically based, more play based which is what I prefer. I can't help but think he has the rest of his whole life to go to school. I know some might disagree with me. As much as I love having him home with me, I can not deny he's pretty bored. When I brought up school though, he freaked but not as much as before. He'll get over it.

Is it bedtime yet?

This weekend has been a good one, but an annoying one. Does that make sense? Like, nothing horrible happened, but it was just filled minor annoyances and little things that make me feel pissy momentarily.

Friday was nice actually. I had a nice playgroup in the afternoon, and a mom's night out with the same group that evening. Everyone wore dresses. At first I was thinking "Oh man a dress? Seriously?" but like one of the ladies pointed out, as moms we sometimes have to make a reason to wear a dress. Luckily, when I was in Portland my friend Shell gave me a dress that was too big on her. It is really cute. I got a new necklace and small clutch purse and I stepped out in style. We had a really good time. We went to dinner at an italian resteraunt where I did NOT eat pasta. But, what I did eat was very good. I did have a piece of bread. We hung out at someones house until 12:30. It was so nice to get out and do something just for me.

Saturday morning Tony left for nine days. Aislinn also had a sleep over. That's where the little minor annoyances happened. The girls were up until 1, and I finally drifted off around 2. Jonny woke me up at 3, and our guest woke me up at 4 crying and wanting to call her mom. I honestly do NOT get that. My kids have never done that, and I've never done that as a kid. So finally at 4:30 I got to sleep, and then at 8 the MOM calls. I wanted to punch someone. I tried to go back to sleep, but the phone woke the kids up, who then started screaming and yelling. I got out of bed with a headache that I still have.

Then of course, Aislinn wanted every freaking kid within a 100 mile radius to come over in our backyard or in the house today. I really couldn't take anymore, and finally kinda flipped out, and the kids all left.

I did manage to clean out the fridge today. Like take everything out, shelves and all and wash it all down. I love the way a clean fridge looks, I just hate having to do the work to get it that way. Another reason to not have anymore babies, now that my kids are older, there isn't as much mess in my fridge. Not a lot of stuff knocked over and not cleaned up. Now I need to go grocery shopping, my fridge is BARE.

Snork and uuuggggh

I have a cold. Luvleee. I'm trying not to be like totally whiny about it, but it is pissing me off. I hate not being able to breathe.

Tony leaves tomorrow (maybe) for 12 days. There are supposed to be big waves so they may not leave tomorrow, but the next day, which really doesn't matter since he has duty. Ummm he hasn't packed. I brought it up while he dozed, but he said he's fine. I'm glad I don't have to be around him and his 12 day ball funk. Whatever. I'm just going to trust that he has enough stuff to get him through a TWELVE days, and try not to think about the 12 day ball funk too much.

The kids are already asking for things for Christmas. Aislinn is older and of course her wants are very expensive. I may have to rethink my budgets for Christmas. Jonathan, he wants big things as well. He told me he wanted me to give away our train table, and get a NEW one, becasue the NEW one mommy? The NEW one has a TURNING TABLE! I can TURN THE TRAINS MOMMY! Isn't that AWESOME, MOmmy? Mommy, I love you. Did you hear me Mommy? I LOVE YOU! You're pretty, mommy. Look at this train with the TURNING TABLE!

Tony brought me flowers yesterday. They are so pretty. But according to Jonny not as pretty as me. He REALLY wansts that turning train table.

Tony got a new video game, and it feels like the good ole days, when we used to stay home on a Saturday while he played Sega Genesis or Nintendo 64 all day while I read a book and watched. Now he has the kids to watch, and I just sit here on my laptop. He got the new Star Wars game, and it seems pretty cool. I may give it a go. I think it's cute that my kids don't even complain, they actually encourage Tony and I to play Wii so they can watch.

We had our appraisal today. And the lady just left without telling Tony. She did tell me, but Tony was like "Oh I need to ask her something" and I said "Ummm she's gone" He didn't believe me, and walked back in teh house saying "Son of bitch, she did leave". I don't know when we'll get the info on the appraisal. That was our last thing we needed to get done. From what we understand too, the owner is going to fix everything as well.

I have had the SAME window open on my class pretty much since 9 am. I just can't sit down and DO it. Of course, Tony has duty, so going to the library is out of the question. I could sit in my room, but then Jonny will just come up and ask me a zillion questions.

I really hate that he's not in school. Ok, well I don't HATE it, but I can't help but think of all the things I could be getting done. I was doing school before he got up, but now that Aislinn has gotten used to school, getting her up is hard. She's no longer excited to go, as it's become old hat, so I have to go in there and yell at her over and over to get her up, which in turn wakes up Jonny.

Oh well, I'll get it done. I know there are people who do it with less time, more kids, no help and with harder classes. I'm just whining a bit.

Aislinn is grounded until Monday for not coming home last night after I told her to. She just decided... NOT to come home. I told her to come home, she left, and went to play some more. So, she's in her room until Monday. Sucks to be her, but that's what she gets. It wasn't like she misunderstood me, or didn't hear me. She actually whined back to me that she didn't want to. When I became distracted she ran off. I was furious.

Today was a little warmer, but still cool enough to go without the AC. Tony fixed our screen last night, so now I can keep the one window down here open without flies coming in. I love that Tony is so handy. He fixed our toilet and screen last night, and it cost us $20. I mean sure we could have called the leasing company, but why bothers when they're all simple fixes and we don't have to wait.

I took Jonny to the park today. He was so excited. It's a rinky little park down the street, and there are never any kids there. We walked around, played pirates, played fast food resteraunt, and played tic tac toe on the jungle gym. He didn't get tic tac toe, but he tried. At the end I ended spining just one of the thingies and he would guess if it would land on blank, x or o. We even picked up the park a bit and poked around the trees and found acorns. When I told him it was time to go, he said ok and we left. He is such a sweet boy.

He has been wanting me to play Mario KArt with him, and I hate it because usually he wins. There is nothing more humbling than being beaten by your FOUR yr old on a driving game. He doesn't even know how to drive yet!

My boring life

Finally!! Finally, the heat is gone, the humidity is down to an acceptable level, and we've been able to fling open our windows, and let the fresh air in!! Last night we put our handy little window fan up and our bedroom was a cool and breezy 68 all night. It was heavenly!! It's been hard not to go up there and just lay in bed and snuggle in and doze the day away.



The most exciting thing to happen to me, other than the weather, has been my new coffee syrups. Yawn I know. Tony pointed out that I look like an alcoholic with my bottles of syrup on the fridge.

The pumpkin pie one I am excited about. Usually, I celebrate fall with pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks. Unfortunately, SB does not offer a sugar free version of this seasonal treat. So, I had to order my own. I have it in my coffee that is next to me right now, and I haven't tried it yet. I'm worried that it will suck, as I don't care for the smell. I'm going to try it now......Meh. It's NOT the same :( It has a sort of licorice taste to it that is a little odd. I'll drink it, but it's not that great. I had such high hopes for it too. Oh well. That's life.

This past weekend and yesterday, I had to babysit a 1 year old. As fun as it has been having a toddler in the house, I forgot how TIRING it is to have a toddler in the house. How AGGRAVATING it is to have a toddler in the house. Right when you think you just can't take ONE MORE MINUTE the toddler goes and gets all cute and snurgly, holding their fat little arms up to you so you can hold them, and of course, you do, because they're so effing cute, and you smell their good smell, and kiss their sticky cheek and you do it all over again.

Emily was a real doll and I did enjoy her company, but I had to nip the babysitting thing in the bud. It was for a young couple who is from around our home town, who recruited out of Tony's office after he left. They're really trying to do the right thing, as they weren't quite making it out there, but he also took a paycut by joining. So, they're trying to make ends meet, which include both of them working, and him working 2 jobs. It's a lot for a newly married couple, in a new city, 900 miles away from their support system, making less than before. That's the only reason why I agreed to bail them out, but I can't be their everyday sitter. I'm just not cut from that cloth. That cloth that makes me all nice and maternal for all children. My kids? My kids didn't have DINNER last night, so that shows you how much I care about the two I carried around in my tummy for 9 months.

Speaking of kids, both of them are doing well. Aislinn is still enjoying school, Jonny is enjoying having her gone. He wasn't digging having Emily hone in on his mama time either, but he took it with good grace. When she left he said "Boy, am I glad that baby is gone!" Also, he has stopped talking about little brothers. I think he saw his future if mama were to have more kids. He didn't like it one bit!

On the house front, we had our inspection last Friday. Not much is wrong with the house, even though it's older than dirt! The roof is newish, the ac is too the water heater is old. Tony said after they left he thought that the roof looked kinda new, because he went out there one day and noticed the granules were still on the shingles. We're just waiting to hear back from Chuck the Realtor to see when the owner plans to fix everything that needs fixing. CTR seems to be a little hesitant on contacting the guy. I think CTR is scared of him. I don't know, that is just my impression. I have been perusing the SPCA website and listings for animals. I can't wait.

I always assumed that once I got my own place, my feelings toward it would change. I find that happening already. The other day I pulled into the driveway, and smiled at the quaintness of our little abode. Before, I just pulled up and got out and went about my business. It really is quite cute, especially when you see some of the others on our street. It has character. I like it.

So, as you can see, nothing new or exciting is going on in my life. Nothing ever is new or exciting here. Just taking it day by day, and preparing for when Tony leaves in 8 weeks. It's going to be hard, but it's part of our lives, and there is nothing we can do to change it.

Well, back to the schoolwork I guess.