Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Every day I wait patiently (ok well, not so much) for the kids to go to bed, and I SWEAR I'm going to be in bed by 10:30, then I swear I'm going to be in bed by 11, then 12. Usually, by 1am I'm crawling into bed after loading the dishwasher.

For the last two nights I've had something weird happen. Usually, I'm a drop off to sleep right away kind of person. But, these last two nights I've laid there and not been able to fall asleep, despite the fact I'm really tired. Then, I feel the need to get up and check out my pimples and scar my face, and when I do get up, my heart pounds very hard, but not fast or anything. Almost as if it gets tight. Not painful. But, it just gives me that weird heart in throat kinda feeling. I feel borderline stressed? I don't know if that is the right word. Worried? Not panicked or freaked. I don't know. It's an odd feeling, especially since I wasn't thinking of anything stressful in particular. I know the need to get up and check my face is something I do when feeling stressed.

Money. I just wish I had a lot of it. Don't we all? Everything is so damn expensive. I try to keep the cost of groceries low, but it's not working as well as I'd like it to. Especially since I'm trying to go the whole foods route for us all. I used to go and get things like Hamburger Helper and mac and cheese when things got tight, but hell that's what got me like this in the first place. Even simple things are so expensive. The kids love spaghetti and I usually make them a small batch once a week, and I eat something else. A box of spaghetti noodles used to be like forty nine cents. Now it's a deal if I can get them for a buck. Eggs used to be under a dollar, now they're two dollars. The thing is, I'm lucky since I get to shop at the commisary. So you other non military peoples, I feel for you!

The shame of it all is yesterday I got coupons for Hardees, Pizza Hut, Papa Johns, Wendy's, Arby's, Old Country Buffet, and Dominoes. The hard times must be hitting the fast food places too. I don't think I've ever gotten so many coupons at once.

Well, I just had a snuggle break. Jonny came down, with his touseled hair and sleep swollen face and demanded I snuggle with him. As much as I love to do it, I hate it too because I always just want to lay there and sleep. I pretty much avoid my bedroom at all costs during the day so I won't lay down and sleep. It feels so good in there.

I am actually going to check out a Moms Day Out Program at a church near me. It's not so academically based, more play based which is what I prefer. I can't help but think he has the rest of his whole life to go to school. I know some might disagree with me. As much as I love having him home with me, I can not deny he's pretty bored. When I brought up school though, he freaked but not as much as before. He'll get over it.

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