I'm trying to get back on goal with going to bed by midnight, but in order for that to work, I can not let myself to go back to bed after Aislinn leaves for school. It's harder than it sounds, because the pets go up to bed after she leaves. Do you know how hard it is to resist a nice warm bed, piled high with two blankets, and two warm, furry bodies to snuggle with? It's TORTURE. It's so tempting right now.
I miss Tony. A lot. We got into a fight recently about his lack of gumption when it came to fixing things that needed to be fixed before he left, and instead he made a dog house for our INDOOR DOG. So, now I have this pretty cool dog house in my backyard that no one uses. Why would the dog want to go outside to then go inside this dog house, when he could, oh I don't know... COME INSIDE THE BIG HOUSE. Where there's food and water, and crumbs to lick off the floor, and a cat to drag around.
But, anyway. Even though he made me mad, he's still a good guy, and I miss him. He doesn't talk much but he's good for keeping my feet warm at night. Plus I miss saying "The queen needs coffee" and you know him doing it. Now when I say that I just hear crickets, and I sigh heavily and go make my own. It sounds totally bitchy that I say that right? That's ok, we get it.
The kids have been so fight-y lately. I'm at my wits end. I don't know if its their age, or the fact that they both just really suck or what. Yesterday, I heard Aislinn slap Jonathan from upstairs. Then she had the nerve to be mad at ME because I grounded. She was only trying to LIGHTLY slap him. Why didn't I get that?
Aislinn told me the other day she wanted to be a boy. I think I scared her because as we were leaving Ace Hardware (to buy a snake to fix the sink that my husband did not fix before he left) I stopped short and said... "Oh God. I am bleeding all over myself". To make matters worse, I then went into the van, grabbed some papertowels and crammed them down my pants. Talk about traumatic for a little girl right? It was on the way home she said she wished she was a boy. She also informed me that she was never going to have a baby, that she would adopt. I think all little girls think this as kids, before hormones and horniness come into the picture. I know I did.
Aislinn reminds me of myself as a kid. She is surly and quick to burst someone's bubble, but yet so naive and trusting an innocent. I totally get why my mom told me I was a "miserable child". Aislinn is the same way. If Jonny is happy about something, Aislinn will say the one thing to suck the happiness right out of his bubble. I thought I had improved on this, but apparantly not since she had to learn it from somewhere. I have made it a point to watch myself.
It's not so much about her doing it to be mean I don't think, but doing it to be realistic. Like, if Jonny says he can't wait to start kindergarten because schools have playgrounds, and that means he can play on them, Aislinn doesn't say "Yeah buddy, isn't that cool?",. even though she knows Jonny is scared of school, and this is the first positive thing he's said about school... ever. Instead she has to point out that he only gets to play on there once a day. Which crushes his hopes, but in all fairness... is true. She just needs to learn some tact.
Bed is still looking tempting. My coffee hasn't kicked my sleepies away just yet, and the animals are looking extra snorgly. I may have to give in.