Thursday, May 29, 2008

Things that come out of my mommy bits

Things that I will do when the kids are out of the house:

1. Eat a meal uninterrupted, that is as spicy as I want it to be and drink from a glass that is filled with clear, clean, and floater free liquid.

2. Walk around without shoes on. If I'm not stepping on crumbs, I'm stepping on some evil, pointy toy.

3. Leave my vibrators and adult toys out and within reach. Nothing kills the mood like having to stop, open the closet, find the key, unlock the box and get what you need. Or if I'm alone, trying to decide if I have the time, or the energy to do all that.

4. Ban all child resistant caps

5. Smoke pot. At this point I've probably tried it after my own kids have.

Right now I am thoroughly frustrated with almost ALL types of feminine hygiene products. Seriously. The menstrual cup is too big, and won't open properly for me. The Instead cups are great, except my fingers look like something out of a vampire novel when I remove them. I don't care how open minded you are, getting your own uterus goo on your fingers will get to you eventually. Tampons I leak like crazy, and spend a lot of time scooching around trying to get them to not pinch.

The funny thing is, the one thing I did yesterday that I hadn't done in a LONG time... pads and nothing else. I know, all of you are all screaming "EW GOD NO! NOT PADS! WHAT IS A SHE A NUN?" Yet, it was comforting, and I was able to go through out my day with not so much as a drop of blood on my fingers. I had to use two, but I have the ultra long thin ones, and even though it was dread day two, I didn't leak on my underwear, or soak through them or anything. I just made one really long diaper and was happy. I thought... Wouldn't it be great if my whole UNDERWEAR was one crinkly pad? Then I thought... OMG! Even better, if my underwear was just one big puffy COTTON pad! Yeah. Then I thought... Hey don't they make reusable ones?

Yes my mind went there, and after soaking through ANOTHER tampon (did I mention that everytime I wore tampons yesterday I had to change my undies at some point?) today I googled. I'm seriously considering them.


Bon Bon Mom said...

I can't remember, you might have had c-sections so maybe you never got them. But after my kids were born I got to wear those stretchy mesh panties. Maybe you could start with those and make something like what you need. And then market it and patent it and sell it! And I could always embellish them with a bedazzler or something if you need me to.

The Six of Us said...

Oh no..Margo and Sandi in business together selling feminine hygiene products! I don't think the world is ready!

Back in the day I always wore a tampon and then a pad for when the tampon leaked. *sigh* I don't miss that one bit!

Sandi said...

Yes!! Margo! We can bedazzle the HELL out of those mesh panties!! LOL I did have those mesh panties with Aislinn and I wore them quite a bit after I got home.