I got the blahs today. Mainly from a fight Tony and I gotten into earlier today before he left. Basically, he's a man, he sucks, and he expects me to just overlook it becuase he has a penis. Fuck the penis. Well, actually a better phrase would be DON'T fuck the penis, becuase the penis likes the fucking.

Anywhoo, he made a comment about me not doing anything around here. Ironically, today was the day I had planned to clean the house. So, of course I was torn between just doing it to prove to him that YES I CAN do stuff around here, and not doing to to prove to him that HE WILL NOT SWAY ME, so I went middle ground. Did the things that really needed to be done, like vacuum up the chips that were mashed into the carpet, some laundry and cleaning the kitchen. But, I'm not cooking any food, screw that. We'll eat chinese food.

It just really pissed me off. It really did. Ok, yeah, in the big scheme thing, I do get a lot of downtime. But, hello??!! Who pays the bills, and gets the groceries, and does teh dishes, and folds clothes and all that jazz? That's just shit he takes for granted. Who breaks up a million and one fights a day, and who cooks the food that this family eats? Does he think the kids just don't get hungry and or thirsty during the day? Does he think they just sit in a vegetative state when he's not home? Ok, well maybe Aislinn does when she's playing DS, but I still have to hear that loud obnoxious Pokemon music. I change pull ups, try to get J to pee on teh potty, sit outside in the heat so that he can play, change his clothes at least twice now that he knows how to turn the hose on, chase flies, scream at the kids to PLEASE CLOSE THE GODDAMN DOOR, put in movies, etc etc etc ET motherfucking C. It's a bunch of little shit.

So, Im mad, and hurt and I just don't like him right now. In his defense, he didnt just blurt that out, he was mad becuase I pointed out (angrily and yell-ily) that he hadnt brought in the trashcans from yesterday and he was all "Why are you yelling at me, I didnt DO anything" and I was all "That';s my point assclown" and he was all "Well, you don't do anything around here either" and I was all *blink blink* then I stormed away. Like I couldnt evne believe he had the balls to say that.

He has tried apologizing a ton, but I just don't give a flip.

Let's just hope he doesn't piss his hand off, or he'll never get any.

My period always comes at as a shock to me, even though it's pretty much like clockwork. I get crabby, I hate my husband with a white hot venegence, I eat like a pig, and I sleep a LOT. Yet, it never occurs to me that hey I better get ready for the ride on the cotton canoe.

So, yeah I started my period yesterday. Where POOF suddenly most of the symptoms disappeared, except for the hating my husband part. That kind stuck around.

Guys are weird. If they don't get sex, they just get all crabby and pretty much useless. Sex has been the low priority on the totem pole since summer started. It's hot, and the kids are up longer, and all the running around we have to do doesn't help matters much. We had a pretty good long dry spell, and of course Tony acted like a prick after about teh first week, which then causes me to be bitter, and then doesn't help the libido at all.

Sometimes though, you just have to suck it up, and do it to get in the swing of things again, which is what I did today. I knew it was bad, when I'm throwing shit around the living room grumbling about how lazy he is, and he is in there playing Nintendo, pretending not to hear. Then when I left to go to the ballgame, I just yelled "I'm leavning!" and left. Which is not like us. Usually, when we're out and about, we give kisses when one of us goes to the bathroom. So, to just up and leave without saying good bye shows there was a lot of bitterness floating around the house.

I got to thinking about it today, and we're both wrong. I can't lay all the blame on him. He works a lot of long hours, sometimes six days a week. I really shouldn't expect him to come home and be all happy chipper AND want to do the dishes. Then when he wants some loving I shut him down. Yet, he shouldn't just assume that what I do is easy, and that I couldn't use the help on occasion. I've told him many times before that cleaning something when not asked to do it, makes me all hot and bothered. At this point ladies, really what DOES get us hot and bothered? Not much right? I mean sure we all love to bounce the bed springs, but we're not like men. We don't see a block of swiss cheese and get horny. (MMM all those holes to stick things in!) It's no longer about how your husband looks or smells or whatever. It's about what he is willing to DO to make you happy that makes you hot. Clean out the fridge? Oooh yeah daddy, put that moldy macaroni in the trash. Just like that... ooh and that petrified meatloaf too? Bomp Chika Bow wa.

It really is sad, but women like to feel appreciated, and loved. When Tony cuts the grass, he is getting some. Knowing that he is cutting the grass because he cares enough to do so turns me on. He fixed the car today... he got laid. It's so pathetic, but thats what women like. To be cared for and nurtured. It's unfair on teh guys part though. It's so much work AND they have to do foreplay. For guys, we bend over, and they're sporting a woody.

Anyway, just babbling on I guess. Like right now, I know Tony is exhausted, but he is in there with our nephew playing video games, because both my kids are asleep, and he is lonely. THAT is hot. Not the act itself (ew) but that he cares enough to care how his nephew is feeling.

Ugh.

I am man. I have penis. BIIIIG penis. No, can't look, cuz I also liar.

I do many things, I work in BIIIG air condition office, for many many hours. I complain about work in office with cold wind. Very hard job. Lots of talking, and sitting, and talking while sitting in cool wind.

I come home, I eat food the thing with the fun hole makes. I like to stick my penis in the thing with the fun hole. The fun hole fun. I ignore the thing with fun hole. Fun hole thing is always crabby, must be time for crimson time for fun hole. No fun for me! It busy anyway, doing fun hole things like cleaning, and yelling at little things running around. They call me Daddy. I think that means "super cool guy with big penis" Not sure. I ignore them too.

I so tired from working in big office with nice cool wind. I must rest after eating the food the fun hole thing made. Yum, food good. I do not thank fun hole thing for making this food, it don't like it when I do that. Thats what me think anyway.

Gah! Little things bother me. Go way little things running around that call me Daddy! ROAR! YELL! INCOHERENT GRUNTING! Why they here? Why can't fun hole thing make them be quiet!! I had hard day with all the sitting and cool air absorbing. I go and lay down in my resting spot. So tired.

Uh oh the fun hole thing is talk to me. Won't stop talking about van, and how hot it is in there, and that can I please fix car!! I think in my head "SHUT THE FUCK UP FUN HOLE THING! I TIRED FROM ALL THE SITTING!!" I do not say this out loud... sssshhh I want to play with the fun hole tonight.

So tired, need more resting.

Little things need to rest too. I put them in rest spot for them. I expect big big praise from funhole thing for this. Oh and a blow job.

So tired from that.

More rest.

I better bathe, so I can play with the fun hole. I anounce "Man take shower now!" but fun hole ignore me. That ok, I know that fun hole thing is getting all excited at the thought of me bathing, even if it don't say so, or look at me, or anything like that. I shower, that good enough for me, so must be good enough for fun hole thing.

So tired from shower, must rest some more. GAH! Dishes from good food that fun hole thing made. Oh well. Fun hole thing can do them. All fun hole thing did today was sit out in the heat while the littlest little thing played, and sat out in the heat while the biggest little thing swam, and went to food place, and got magic go juice for van, while little things bleated their noisy noises about being so hot in van. Van has cool wind I don't get why so hot? Fun hole thing say it because all the going in van are short distances, not letting the cool wind to reach little thing in back. I just tell dumb fun hole thing to start the van before leaving house. Fun hole thing just stare at me. I know fun hole thing is thinking how man is so smart. Man getting fun hole fun tonight for sure! Poor dumb fun hole. To stupid to figure it out on it's own.

So sleepy. Must now close eyes and sleep. Fun hole not here. But, I bathe, so I know that it will be here soon to let me play with the fun hole. After it do those dishes that is.

These are the people in your neighborhood.

Driving through my neighborhood the only day, I waved at various people who live within the few blocks between my mom and my family. People I have never technically spoken to, other than the neighbor wave, but still it's nice to feel a part of the community.

I pass the house where the man in the cowboy hat lives. He picks his grandkids up from school everday, and he is never without his cowboy hat, even if he's cutting grass. If it's raining, he puts plastic on it.

I pass the house that is across from my moms. They have three sons, my parents have three daughters. Between our two houses, if all the children happen to be at their respective parents house, we had to fight over parking spaces. Whenever my kids trick or treated, she had special homemade treats for them. The mom passed away this winter, at 54. Just died right in her sleep. Even though she had a husband and 3 boys, she always prefered to do the yard work herself. Cutting the grass, and planting flowers. To see her boys and husband this past spring, planting made me cry a little.

I pass the house of the little old lady who spends her days keeping her yard immaculate of any debris and leaves. Alone and spry, she has nothing better to do. Her house is by far the nicest on the block.

I pass the house that has all the eagles in the window. Sometimes it changes to carasoul horses, depending on the owners mood.

I pass by the house with the twins. When I first moved here, they were just beginning to walk. Now, they're big kids in preschool.

I pass the blue house where an older mom and her middle aged daughter live. The daughter is very heavy, but in the fall is forever raking leaves, and I have always admired that about her. Whenever I think walking to school to get Aislinn is just TOO much, I think of that woman, always cheerful, raking her leaves and sweating her ass off.

I pass the house where the old woman with her oxygen tank lives. She sits outside as much as she can, and once when we were picking up sticks with the wagon for the fire pit, she invited us to her yard, and gave us all the sticks in her stick can.

I pass the house where a family with two kids, a boy and a girl live. The mom is very nice, and insisted on taking pics of Aisy and Jonny at Halloween. When we first moved her, her kids would have mini garage sales in their yard. They never sold anything. Now they're older, and this family gives me a glimpse of my future.

I pass our neighbors house, sweet dear Betty who has a wonderful sense of humor, and who loves an off color joke even at 75. She loves my kids so much, always patient with their million and one jokes, taking special delight in my kids runnign toward the fence and yelling "MISSS BETTTTY"

I pass the house where our young neighbors live. Even though they have annoying friends who park in front of their driveway, making it nearly impossible for me to back out, they are still very nice.

I will miss them all when I leave here.

So, long time no blog.

Right now, it is midnight and I am hearing my daughter SCREAM in her room. She has reverted to screamer Aislinn. I'm just outside listening to her scream. She is mad that A. She has to go to bed, and B. I wouldn't let her take her Nintendo to bed with her and when she said she needed her "best friend" (nintendo) I told her if she was going to refer to it as her best friend, maybe she needed a break from it , and C. I shut my bedroom door so Tony didn't have to listen to it.

Well, so much for Tony ignoring the situation. He is in there screaming at her. ::sigh:: When is he going to learn that that is the WRONG way to handle her tantrums. Although I must admit, she is quiet now.

Oh well, life has been going on as usual. I had my MIL here for a few days along with my niece and nephew. My niece and nephew were fine, it was my MIL I couldn't wait to get rid of. She must think this is her freaking summer home or something, because she doesn't do jack diddly crap when she is here. I mean hello, the woman doesn't have a home, and has been living with other people for almost two years now. I brought her HERE so that my SIL and her teenaged girls could get a break, but the woman sat on her ass for two days straight. TWO DAYS STRAIGHT. She didn't volunteer to fix the kids food, or do a dish, or anything. Well, she did help me straighten up the kitchen, getting the dishes off the table for me. The final straw was today, while Im trying to bust my ass making homemade waffles, and Jonny walks in with a rancid poop. I am missing a beater for my hand mixer (thanks kids!) and thought I could whip eggs with my blender. It wasn't wokring of course, and when Jonny walks in and walks up to her, she says "Jonny, go away. Uh uh go away" I assume from the stank rant smell coming from his ass. So, I stopped wht I was doing, and changed his diaper. My plan before this little interlude happened was go to to the store, get more eggs, and borrow my moms hand mixer to do the waffles right. I thought "Fuck this" went into the kitchen, dumped everything out, announced "Waffles aren't going to work" and went out into the back yard with my cell phone to call my SIL to tell her that her DH needed to pick his MIL up ASAP after work. I was only going to make the fucking waffles because we talked about how good they are and she said she would love to have some. Fuck her.

At least this time she said thank you... I think.

I feel sorry for her, I do, but really what comes around goes around. She cheated on Tony's dad, and now it's biting HER in the ass. It's funny though how she remembers things. She told me that she never screwed around on Dad until after the separation, which is bullshit. I remember going on DATES with she and Rick with Tony. I stared her dead in her eyes when she told me that last night. She seems to forget that I have known this family for almost twenty years.

Anyway, she's nuts, what can I say? We all went to this lake thing on Sunday for Fathers Day and she spent the whole day buttering up Dad's wife Grace. Everyone knows it's because she wants to get close to dad again. I talked to Grace today, and she said at one point Dad and MIL went down to the water with the kids. I guess she tagged along with him. She comes back shortly after upset. Grace asked Bill (Dad) later what happened, why she came back so fast, and Dad said she was down there trying to splash him and play around, and he ignored her, and played with the grandkids. She told me she plans on changing her name back to her previous married name... she says to match with HER kids, but I think it has more to do with it than that.

Honestly, my intention in this entry was NOT to bitch about this woman. Really, I swear. But, fuck she gets under my skin like it's no ones business. She is living off of SIL who can barely afford to pay for the family she has now, she won't look for a job, saying she's never had to fill out an application before, and they scare her. That all the jobs she has previous never required aps. Are you fucking kidding me? She'll be living with Denise FOREVER I'm sure. I feel bad for Denise.

Ah it's quiet in there now. Although, now I have to deal with the wrath of Tony. He came out here blustering at me about if I could hear Aislinn out here, and I said yes. He said "What the fuck do you think our neighbors think?" That she is having a tantrum? Hell, I don't know. Who cares?

Well, off to bed.

Crusining like it's 2001 and again.

I once did something kind of wrong.

I bought a car without discussing it with Tony first. Probably one of the major rules of marriage (discuss big purchases with spouse first) and I broke it, and one of the few times I remember Tony being pissed, and worst of all embarrassed. By doing what I did, he his machismo took a hit. He was ok with me being in charge of the money for the most part, although he took some ribbing for it, but this... this was too much. This regulated him to "child status" and since we had a little 16 month old diva named Aislinn at the time, he was pretty much last in line in the old pecking order.

I could tell he was mad. I picked him up at the ship (he had been gone like a month) and there I had it. He tried to be cool about it. He tried to be happy for me. But, he hated it. It stood for everything he disliked overall about our marriage. On top of all the not asking him thing, I bought a KIA of all things. A Goddamned Kia.

A few weeks later I asked him about it, and he said "Yeah a bunch of guys got me together and just totally bitched at me about how I could let you buy a piece of junk like that, they're the worst cars ever, why is it so small (I got the Rio, the smallest model available)" I felt bad, but I didn't care. This car was in MY name, and this was a real proud accomplishment for me. I didn't need my dads help, I bought it myself. Even though I was married and had a child, THIS, THIS made me feel like an adult. Looking back though I can see it was also a total passive aggresive move on my part, because I think I was just pissed at Tony for being gone, and I totally got ass raped on the interest rate, so maybe dads helped would have been nice. But, WHATEVER man, I did it! Woohoo!

I drove that thing like I was the Mother Fucking Princess (to quote Avril) The reasons I bought the car was ONE... we were driving all three of us in an S-10 and TWO.. I hated paying for gas. Always have, and at 32 miles a gallon, this thing was the SHIT. Even though it was a bit of a rough ride, aaaand the interior was crap, it was zippy. I loved that zippy feeling. Where it felt like I was going 8o but I was going like 60, which was perfect for me, as I love to drive fast, but I hate driving fast. It was cramped too, but I loved that I could pretty much reach anywhere in the car, and still be able to drive. Aislinn dropped her sippy and was being a spaz? No problem. Got it! Haven't seen my daughter all day, and all I wanted to do was touch her? My hand rested on her leg, and I talked to her in the little mirror I put up, and we would laugh and sing, and I'd tickle her while driving. Try that in an SUV.

That car was driven from Norfolk to St. Louis several times and back. That car was well loved and cared for under my tutelage. I had an impressive stereo put in, and I loved, loved, loved driving around, with the windows down, zipping in and out of traffic, music blaring, Aislinn laughing, and me just grinning. Grinning away at life and how great it was.

Eventually we moved here, and it became obvious that Aislinn AND Jonny was too much for the car to handle. It just wasn't big enough. We sold Tony's rattle trap truck and bought an old van from my uncle. I got that vehicle, and Tony took over the Kia. He, over time had to come to love the car as much as I did, loving when I was off with no plans, so he too could zip aroudn town in the car. Even now I'll say "And you were mad that I got this car" and he'll say "I know, I was stupid, and you are so superior, I bow down to your greatness, and kiss your Goddess feet and sing the praises of your glory" Or um.. something like that. It was a great blessing when the gas prices sky rocketed.

Today, I drove my car again, and it was nice. I grinned, and I laughed, and I tickled Jonny while driving. Bringing back all those lovely memories that I had from the past. When Aislinn got in the car, I grinned, and tickled and held her knee. Windows down, music blaring, and everything was right with the world.

Mama needs some sugah.... NOW!!

Yesterday, Tony and I did something WILD and CRAZY. If you know me and Tony, ummmm, we're the antedote for WILD and CRAZY. Really. If I were to sit and rack my brain for anything WILD and CRAZY I've ever done, I'd honestly get so depressed at my squareness, I'd have to go read just to calm down. Or play Poke FUCKING mon.

We got a sitter to sit with our kids, and he went to play in a golf tournament, and I went to hang out with a friend. We met up later, and our hormones kind of took over. Kinda like absence makes the heart grow fonder, but in my case... absences makes the 'giner grow... well... I think you get where I am going here.

We were at our friends house for oh ten minutes before we were in the backyard and making out. Yeah like some horny teenagers. You know what? Scratch that. Teenagers don't own the market on horniness. We were horny like some mutha truckin' 30 year olds. Take that teenagers. *angy old woman shaky fist*

The unfortunate thing is, our MIL was the one watching the kids and the last time we did the hibbidy dibbidy while she was here... she brought it up the next day. Now, don't get me wrong, she's heard us do it several times when we WERE horny teenagers, but you know, when you're a teenager having a threesome with two dudes and then telling people about it sounds like a good idea too. (Hey! I have done a wild and crazy thing! Chaching!) Now that I'm borderline crotchety, I have like humility and shit.

As we're making out, and bemoaning our sexless lives with Tony's work and my all round bitchiness, I said "Hey, let's get a hotel room". Tony's eyes lit up like Christmas tree and we were off. We hurriedly said goodby to our friends, giggling telling them what we were doing. We were met with some scorn, and some "Aww come on guys" but, we were determined to get a hotel room, tear the clothes off of each other, and just go to town, pass out and then sleep in the next day. Carpe diem and all that shit. We bum a fan from our friends, leave a car there, and we head off.

I had been dealing with a headache for a while. Nothing bad, but just a bit annoying, it felt kind of migraineyish so I told Tony I'd take a pill and by the time we found a room, I'd be fine. He said he was hungry, and we were on our way to find food, and a room to do our bidness.

As we're driving down Manchester, my headache within minutes, gets worse, yet I'm still undeterred. I do the diabetes math (which is nothing more than taking the time you ate last, and subtracting the time it is NOW to come up with the number of hours (Or in some case minutes) you ate last. Very scientific I know) and realize I haven't eaten in SEVEN hours, which is a NO NO for a diabetic. Plus my friend and I went for an hour walk around her neighborhood, which is even worse in a case like this.

Of course, it's ten oclock and everything in Whitey-ville is closed. That's one thing I've noticed about predominently "white" neighborhoods, lack of late night food options. We're driving, and driving, and at this point, we're looking for a Denny's or an Ihop. We found an Ihop that closed at TEN. TEN FUCKING PM and the MF'ing IHOP was closed. Here in nice mix of racial diversty-town, IHOP is like 24 hours. I guess only the blacks and the mexicans get a hankering for a Rooty Tuity fresh and fruity at 2 am? I don't know. But, I digress.

Finally, my stomach is churning. My head is pounding, and my face is covered in a freezing cold clammy sweat. Tony was trying to do some roadside feel ups, and I snapped "STOP!" which cooled him down right away. Out of desperation (and fear I was going to faint and crash, as I was driving and I had some scary black spots in my perephial vision) we pulled into Taco Bell, where I orderd two MexiMelts and a Mountain Dew, hoping the non diet soda would get sugar into my system quick. We pull into a parking lot, and I try to choke down my Meximelt. Not happening, brutha. My stomach was a MESS by this point. The funny thing was, I wasn't evenHUNGRY that whole 7 hours, so this was sudden and quite a surprise. Remember, just a few minutes before, I was copping crotch in our friends back yard.

I take my pill and I drive on, after trying to eat and getting half a Meximelt down my throat. I'm still sweating, although my head isn't as bad, and I'm really, really regretting that Meximelt and Dew combo I got churning in the works. The pill seems to have agravated the situation even more, and things... well things are a gurgling. I get a half mile down the road and I get that tingle in my jaw. I pull over quick on a side rode, and I throw open my door, and I puke. A little, but enough to aleviate some of the happenings in my body. I'm sitting there, just feeling the cool breeze on my face, close the door to the van, and just chill. Then, WHAM, before I could get the door all the way open I barf again. It gets on my arm, the door, the WINDOW. Everywhere. Tony is sympathy gagging. It was a mess.

He gets in teh driver side, and cleans up. I sit in the passenger side. He says "I think we should go home" and as he lurches the van around, I know I can not handle thirty minutes of driving. I tell him "Please, lets just get a hotel room, so I can lay down, I can't be in this car anymore than I have to"

After 15 excruciating minutes, we find a room, and I immediatly strip down and puke some more... and more.... and more. Tony, he is asleep while I puke my lungs up. I crawl into a nice big bed, and clean cool sheets, and there I am, sweating, pukey, with no clean clothes, no toothbrush or toothpaste, smelling of Taco Bell, barf and pee (since I pee when I barf).

Our hot night of sex turned into a puke fest for one. Maybe I should leave the horniness and the spontanaity to the younger sect.

What makes a person a big kid?

I'm borderline geek. Ok, Ummm maybe I'm all geek, and just trying to tell myself otherwise. I say this because my interests run parallel to those of the geek society. Although I don't fully get into stuff like Anime, and D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) I am on the fringe of that society.

Yesterday, I went to Wal Mart with my mom. As she perused their clothing in amazement (she never goes there, and is ALWAYS shocked at their LOW LOW prices) I was all antsy, wanting to look at the toys and the video games. I probably should mention I had no children with me at the time.

We decided to go check out the movie selection, looking for a gift for an upcoming birthday. I purposely took her the long way, claiming I didn't know where the electronice section was. I looked at all the new Transformer toys they had in the aisles, and ooh'ed and ahh'ed over stuff while my mom rolled her eyes in mock aggravation. We got to the movie section, and I looked at video games while she looked for the movies.

Later we hit Burger King, and I got my kids some food there. I excitedly dug in the bag, and pulled out the toy, and exclaimed "Ooooh they got the Silver Surfer!! Cool!" My mom said "You're like a big kid you know that?"

She's right.

I am.

But, why?

I'm the 30 year old woman that went out and bought a new Nintendo DS and POKEMON game the other day. POKE fucking MON. Yeah, I know. But, not only did I buy a POKE fucking MON game, I battled my daughter and LOST but still undeterred I convinced a friend to spend $35 on a POKE fucking MON game as well, so we could play together.

I watch cartoons, I love Harry Potter. I don't know I think I have a problem.

If I start making playdates for MYSELF, someone please lock me up.

Thanks.

Started off a nice entry ended in a man rant full of F bombs.

Yesterday was a better day. We went for the damn walk Aislinn had been bugging me about. She rode her bike, and we went to my moms. While there, my sister took her for ice cream with her boyfriend. Then we went to my sisters softball game, where my dad was umping at the field next to hers. Even Tony went with us. The whole family was there... well except my sisters husband, but he was working, so he's excused. LOL

I've been feeling not so hot today. Last night, is when it really kind of hit. My face felt stuffy, and I was coughing here in and there, and feeling worn out and tired. I laid on the couch to read, and Jonny came and laid down with me, and he and I fell asleep on the couch, butt to butt. I know I had to have farted on him a few times. LOL I left my kitchen a MESS which was not fun to wake up to this morning. Oh and do you think Tony, being the husband and father of our family helped me out with that? OF COURSE NOT. Fucker.

Ok... man rant. I love how a man comes home from work, and is just "done" He eats, he lays around watching tv, and that's it. But, me I'm fucking doing dishes or laundry or dealing with kids until fucking midnight or later. Do you think he grabs the broom and helps me sweep while I'm washing the dishes to the meal I cooked? Oh! And I love how they get a fucking ATTITUDE when you DO ask them to help, or they leave you hanging until they feel a sufficient amount of time has passes to let yo know they won't be bossed around. Take last weekend for example. I spent the weekend cleaning, and taking care of the kids, cooking all the meals etc. While he laid in bed watching movies all day, I finger painted with the kids, watched Aislinn's "water show" blah blah blah. I asked him on Saturday evening if he would PLEASE run and get me a paper, so I could go grocery shopping. A FUCKING HOUR passes and he's still not gotten it. Finally I get pissy, he gets pissy becuase I was pissy, saying "Well I didn't know you wanted it now?" REALLY? Well, helllllooooo ASSHOLE it;s like fucking 8:3o at night, and I told you I wanted to grocery shop TONIGHT. By the time he got the fucking paper, and I clipped what I needed it was almost 10 oclock. So he stayed home and played on the computer (which he fucking hogged all weekend) and I got to go GROCERY SHOPPING. How the FUCK?!? is that FAIR?!?!

But, I didn't say anything. What's the damn point right? He doesn't care. If he did, he'd do something about it. I'm going to have to say something soon though, as I have been holding a grudge which is never healthy. Just the site of himmakes me want to vomit at this point.

Last night he was all "Oh you're are SO going to GET YOU SOME tonight" I was really offended by this. I said "Well, what makes you think I want anything you're giving?" "He said "Oh you do" then I think he finally noticed my attitude and said meekly "Um or not, whatever you want"

Damn straight asshole.

Time for school yet?

I remember the first time I watched The Joy Luck Club. There is a scene where a mother and her teenaged daughter are sitting around a fire. The mother is lovingly feeding her daughter all the good nutricious things out of her own bowl. She cleans her daughter careful, getting her all dolled up. She then takes her daughter and gives her away, never to see her again, as she starts a new life off as a young bride. Off to make a million boy sons.

I always thought, how sad. To have to raise a child, a girl probably close to your heart, and then have to hand her over to strangers and pray that they love her as much as you've loved her. I never understood how a mother coudl give away her daughter just like that. That was before, you know I had a daughter of my own. What they DONT show is the snotty daughter slamming doors, and that mother dancing a jig all the way home that she no longer has to deal with all that attitude.

Ok, yeah that was mean. But, today is DAY TWO of summer vacation, and as much as I love Aislinn, it';s been too much. We have had tears everyday so far. I've made it a point to get the kids out of the house each day for a few hours at least. Yet, this is never enough for the darling sweet daughter. It's not enough that I have spent a total of $70 on a new pool and chemicals for this pool. It;s not enough that I spent two hours, cleaning OUT the pool, using one of my sexy thigh highs wrapped around a play tennis racket, in the hot sun. Oh no. I'm evil. I didn't TAKE THEM FOR A WALK. Even though I PROMISED, and heaven forbid you know I was just exhausted after all the fun I had.

She has eaten all my graham crackers and when I got pissy about it handed me two small rectangles and said "Here are the last two" and when I said "Gee thanks" she responded "Well, it's better than none at all"

In the good ole days, when people just didn't know any better, you would have just walloped your kid one for saying something like that to you. Now, you just kind of sputter, and turn purple in teh face, and talk through unmoving lips and in a horrible hissing voice.

The hair struggle.

Yesterday, I did my shaving ritual. Lord how I hate it.

The hair on my legs is so fine, that I can go a month without shaving without much of a difference. My armpit hair, and my "ahem" hair is a different story.

For me, it's less painful to shave when the hair has grown in. So, I wait until I have a nice "crop" going, then I go to town. This takes me probably a half an hour, and it sucks. The whole time I'm bent over in the shower, trying to not slice off vital parts of my female anatomy, and trying to keep the water out of my eyes, I curse society for making me do this.

It's always the same thing. I always get MAD. I get mad at Tony for caring about it, I get mad at all the men I've heard say "I won't go down on a woman if she isn't shaved" I get mad at Tony and his best friend Nathan for thinking the french exchange student was "gross" for having pit hair when they were 13. I get mad at Nathans mom for gently informing aforementioned exchange student that girls in America shave their pits. I get mad at my aunts for telling my mom she should shave when she didn't need to (my mom never shaved until she moved to America) I get mad at every celeb pic I see of a woman sporting pit hair, and there was some rude comment about it. I get even MORE MAD that as a woman, I fall for it, and I continue to shave, because no matter how mad I get... I DO CARE.

The circle of life bitches.

Of course, after I shave my mommy bits.... a few hours later sets in the itching. I went to bingo with my mom and sisters, and the whole time I was thinking... I just want to go home and scratch damn it.

So I came home and did the glorious scratching and went to bed.