Tuesday, January 15, 2008

So, we got the word. Tony will be leaving on Saturday afternoon for five months. I can't say where, or anything like that, because of the whole "Loose lips sink ships" thing. But, suffice it to say, it's not anywhere exciting or glamorous.

It's weird, because I feel very Eh about the whole thing. I don't know if it's because it's a been there done that kind of thing, or if I'm just resigned to the whole thing, or if I secretly hate my husband.

Because, and this is the sad thing, and something I am loathe to admit, and would never, ever tell him in a million years, but... I'm kind of looking forward to it. Not in the euphoric "WHOOPEE he's leaving PAAARTAY!!" kind of way, but I like to think of in a "Looking at the silver lining" kind of way.

Tere are little things like... having the bed to myself, no worrying about what movies I'd want to rent versus what I know he'd prefer to watch, being alone after the kids go to bed, saving money on food, the extra income him going out to sea will give us.

I think ultimately though, the reason why it doesn't bother me as much as it should, is that I have seen the dark side of my husband, and I didn't like it at all. For FIVE years, he did a job he hated with all his soul, while excelling at it. He knew by doing this job, he was setting himself up for the future in both the Navy, and beyond. Yet, that wasn't enough to stop the ugly coming out of him. He was angrier, meaner, more tense, more hurtful to all of us. He drank more, ignored the kids, ignored me, and I think we all remember the porn incident, that ended up not being an addiction but his way of escaping the stresses of work. He'd look, get off without having to do much of anything, and then feel better for the short term. He was more willing to shuttle the kids off to anyone that would take them so he could hang out with friends and drink.

In a way, him leaving means I get him BACK. If five months away means overall happiness for him, and in return us, then that's ok by me.


contactsportsx2 said...

I know it won't be easy, but it's great that you are seeing the "positives". I have seen Eric in one of his jobs be absolutely miserable. It was not fun for anybody, to be around him. Maybe this is a generalization, but it seems males want to bring home the money and enjoy what they are doing at the same time (I guess that could apply to anyone really).

Thanks T for us! And thank you! It's families like yours that make freedom possible for my family.

Anonymous said...

So does this mean we're having a big kegger at your place in March?