Thursday, December 27, 2007

Dear God, it's me Sandi....

So as you probably know God, I was thinking about you while I was out driving around looking for that chicken place. II had a moment to myself, and my wandered to you. Thanks for having our back with the whole housing allowance thing. You did the best you could, and although not the ending we were expecting, it's a satisfying ending none the less. So thank you for that. I thought since you helped us with that, you know I wouldn't ask you to help me find the chicken place. I just came home empty handed and let Tony do it. I thought you did enough, and he hasn't done much of anything today.

God, I think you know that in the big scheme of things, I believe in you. I don't think you're some old white guy in flowing white robes, piercing blue eyes, and long white hair. I think of you more of an... energy. An unseen force if you will, allowing us to live our lives the way we want, with very little interference from you.

You know that I don't even consider myself a "christian" in the mainstream way of the word, and I think you're cool with that. I like to think of you as a forgiving and benevolant kind of God, I sometimes think of Earth as one big Sims game for you where you click on us all and make us pee, and go to work, and have a chuckle at our crazy antics. You leave us on free will, and are saddened when we make our mistakes but, allow us to live with our consuquences when we do, and you are happy and proud when we do something that is nice and caring, and allow us to live with the consequences that those decisions give us. I think you do answer prayers, but not silly ones. Earnest ones, and those prayers that go unanswered are opportunities. Tests, to see if we can make it or break from it all. Maybe that idea will change if, heaven forbid I get tested in a major way, like a death of child, or my husband, but for now I kind of get what you're trying to do.

I am not religious, and don't believe I need to go to church to be close to you. I do think that there are some people, a lot of people that love church for legitimate reasons, yet I don't think you are dissappointed in those that don't attend. I don't think you are the kind of God that needs to have your ego stroked, and that singing your praises is the way into heaven. You just seem to me to be above all that you know? I mean you've been around the block a few gajillion times, and singing "How great thou art" would probably start to get old. I mean, if Tony sang to me "Brown eyed girl" once, then I'd be touched. But, if he sang it to me everyday, or like once a week even, well then it would still be a nice gesture, but loses it's meaning over time.

I think you delight in those that find you and revere you in more subtle, and everyday ways. Teaching our children to be open minded and loving of all people. Finding someone and falling in love. Leading a good life, and by good I mean, happy, even if there is never enough money, or enough time, or enough of anything, except love and happiness. I truly believe in the saying "God helps those who help themselves". You would rather us try hard at this thing called life, find where we fit, and give us nudges if we need them. Isn't that true for everyone though? Wouldn't we all rather help those who are truly trying, and just need a lift? If someone was kneeling at my door day in and out begging me for something, I'd tell them all the energy they are using to BEG me could go toward getting what they want themselves. I think if I did that, you'd give me a high five, and say "Damn Right".

So, I don't know what it is I'm trying to say. Just that, I know you're there, and just wanted to say thanks. Everyone appreciates a pat on the back. I thought I would give you one. Maybe that's silly of me, but somehow I don't think you think it is.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Amen Sistah!