Time to face the music.

I am a diabetic.

Ok? There I said it. I know that I have been for a long time now, and usually ignore it. I don't eat like I should, I don't take my meds like I should, and I definitely don't take my blood glucose levels like I should.

Oh sure, I've made little changes. I no longer eat ice cream every night, I don't snack on chips like I used to. I try to eat three meals a day instead of skipping. Etc etc etc. All of this has been enough to keep me feeling "right". I could tell when I've had to many carbs or too much sugar, and would usually cut back.

When we moved here, I went a little crazy food wise. I had been feeling so good for so long, that I just kinda fell back into old habits. I think it was comfort for awhile, being stressed out with the move and all that. Also, eating out so much didn't help me either. There was no way around that though, as we didn't have anything to cook with.

Lately, I have been starving on a continuous basis. I would eat, feel satisfied a whole of thirty minutes, and then be starving again. I knew this wasn't in my head when I tried to "hold off" only to get a headache from not eating. My body was trying to tell me "Hey something is extremely fucked up here"

Last night, as I sat here, starving, and eating popcorn, the only thing I could find in the house, I looked up info on diabetes etc. I found out that smoking raised blood sugar. I didn't know this. When I first found out I had it, I didn't smoke. Now I do.

This morning, I had my first morning cigarette later than usual. I wasn't feeling THAT hungry before going out there. I finished my cigarette, and right away, instant hunger. It made me think about it, and usually after eating, I would smoke.

So, today I quit.