Sunday, June 22, 2008


It's so funny to me to have a little boy. Jonny has been running around yelling HULK SMASH! Beat up his sister HULK SMASH! Pretend he is fighting with an imaginay bad guy HULK SMASH! Someone picking on his kitten.. HULK SMASH. Have I mentioned we have NOT seen the Hulk movie? Commercials. They're like kid crack.

Yeah so we've been doing a whole lot of nothing. Gas man! Gas is going to be the death of us. Then because of gas, FOOD is expensive. FOOD. Did you know you need FOOD to live? WIthout it, you'd die? We need air, and it's FREE why can't we have free food? Oh damn, now they'll start charging us to breathe.

Speaking of air, there has been a wildfire in North Carolina for two weeks and the smoke is so bad it blows over to our area. It gives me a headache. Its jsut weird to go outside and smell and see smoke on a daily basis. The kids seem to think that the fire is like two blocks over, and literally WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT. We have seen a lot of fire trucks lately. I think it's from people calling 911 because they're all "SMOKE! FIRE!" becuase they live in a cave and don't realize that it's been this way for TWO FREAKING WEEKS and it hundreds of miles away. READ A PAPER PEOPLE. Anyway back to the fire trucks. Everytime the kids see one, they're all "OMG! The wildfire is going to get us" which then leads to a hundred questions and me trying to explain that it's far away and that it won't get us. Finally I got SO SICK of hearing about the effing wildfire, I yelled at them in the van one day "Look if we wanted to go SEE the wildfire, it would take us like five hours to drive there. Don't bring it up again" then a hunched over the steering wheel and mumbled menacingly under my breath about damn kids and damn wildfires and not making me turn this van around.

Yesterday, we were running errands as a family, and can I just say, I hate it how Tony drives. One, he drives like an asshat. He always tailgates, and expects everyone to drive how HE drives, and it's just crazy. Two, he gets REALLY mad when something goes wrong. I mean, it's one thing to mutter "Fucktard" under your breath when you get cut off, but Tony flies off the handle, and it makes me tense. I don't do well under pressure, and the van always feels like a pressure cooker. People think Tony is the SUHWEETEST thing, but he has a horrible temper when it comes to what he percieves as stupidity, especially behind the wheel. Anyway, we were leaving Sams and this old lady was confused, and he yells "GODDAMN IT LADY COME THE FUCK ON! THAT'S WHY OLD PEOPLE SHOULDN'T HAVE DRIVER LISCENSES" Yes, the kids were in the car, and they jsut giggle that daddy said a bad word. I immediatly grip my arm rests, and tense and sigh heavily and ask is it REALLY necessary to scream obscenities at a little old lady who did nothing more than get confused. But, oh no according to Tony THIS woman is a menace and ALMOST HIT OUR VAN, which you know would be terrible considering she was going like 2 miles per hour, and our van is just so freaking van-tastic with its rust holes. He just could not see the point of hey it happens and yelling doesn't solve anything other make me want to punch him.

So, today, I'm driving home from the grocery store. The smoke had this confusing, kinda hard to see effect. I forgot that this one turn lane, you can turn without getting smacked by the cars coming from that direction. Being the cautious driver because that is what my father taught me to do, I waiting for there to be an clear shot from both directions. All of a sudden I hear someone yelling JUST FUCKING GO ALREADY! Yes I could hear the driver BEHIND ME yelling AT ME from HIS CAR, over his loudly thumping heavy metal. So, I'm sittingthere thinking what the hell? Why should I go only to get smashed (HULK SMASH!) by some other car. That's when I realize my mistake and give myself a mental bop on the forehead and pull into the lane. But, I have the NERVE, the AUDACITY to have an old slower moving fan that's a v8 so it takes some time to get up and go if you don't punch it and really, there isn't a NEED to ever punch it, unless you're a maniac like Tony or the asshat behind me. I guess he didn't think I was going fast enough toward the STOPPED CARS waiting for the light to turn, because you know it's all about hurry up and wait if you have a penis.

So, he pulls up beside me and he yells "NICE DRIVING YA BITCH"

I just couldn't believe it! I of course flipped him the bird, but I swear my face burned all the way home. How dare that man call me an awful name for doing no more than making a mistake! When I got home I told Tony, words hurt, then kicked him in the balls.

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